Rock Bottom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1
Rock Bottom
Hello, I tried being sober on my own and would eventually go back to using. I thought I had a handle on the drugs even though its gone from one weekend a month to just about every night and at large doses. I've been seeing myself and behavior go down the drain along with my money and emotions.
So this saturday when I had a real big dose with money I had to pawn my favorite games and books and anything else I could scrounge up, I decided to make it my last time. After taking 2 bottles of cough syrup and 20 benadryls, I entered into the usual delirium. Except this time nothing was fun, and I ended up feeling sick and cold sweating between hot flashes and the worst nausea I have ever felt. I crawled my way to the bathroom and threw up on the floor.
Normally at this point, I would call it quits and try to salvage whatever was left of the drug trip. But in my desperate delirium to enjoy my "last high" I did the disgusting inevitable. I. licked. my. own. vomit. off . my BATHROOM. floor.
I have never felt so disgusted with myself or anything or anyone for that matter. I am tired of being hung over and black outs. I am tired of forgetting things 5 minutes after I do them. I am tired of lying and manipulation and I need help.
I called and have got admitted to a 30 day 24/hr rehab clinic. I am scared though. I dont want to ever be at this level again, the only reason I don't really feel angry or depressed is this constant high dose usage has left me emotionally numb to everything in my life. I have skipped more meals and sleep and anything and everyone that was getting in the way of my next dose.
I am an addict, and I need serious help.
So this saturday when I had a real big dose with money I had to pawn my favorite games and books and anything else I could scrounge up, I decided to make it my last time. After taking 2 bottles of cough syrup and 20 benadryls, I entered into the usual delirium. Except this time nothing was fun, and I ended up feeling sick and cold sweating between hot flashes and the worst nausea I have ever felt. I crawled my way to the bathroom and threw up on the floor.
Normally at this point, I would call it quits and try to salvage whatever was left of the drug trip. But in my desperate delirium to enjoy my "last high" I did the disgusting inevitable. I. licked. my. own. vomit. off . my BATHROOM. floor.
I have never felt so disgusted with myself or anything or anyone for that matter. I am tired of being hung over and black outs. I am tired of forgetting things 5 minutes after I do them. I am tired of lying and manipulation and I need help.
I called and have got admitted to a 30 day 24/hr rehab clinic. I am scared though. I dont want to ever be at this level again, the only reason I don't really feel angry or depressed is this constant high dose usage has left me emotionally numb to everything in my life. I have skipped more meals and sleep and anything and everyone that was getting in the way of my next dose.
I am an addict, and I need serious help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi FloatOn
I'm really sorry you've found yourself in such a dark place. I think most of us can identify with doing things we wouldn't dream of in our right mind tho.
I do think you're making a great move calling rehab - and joining up here.
I really hope it's the start of a new life for you
Welcome aboard - there's a lot of support here
D
I'm really sorry you've found yourself in such a dark place. I think most of us can identify with doing things we wouldn't dream of in our right mind tho.
I do think you're making a great move calling rehab - and joining up here.
I really hope it's the start of a new life for you
Welcome aboard - there's a lot of support here
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome FloatOn -
It takes courage to ask for help....
Addiction can take our sanity away from us (and our lives too, if we keep at it). I'm really glad you're going to treatment - it was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
Keep reading and posting - this is a great place for support.
It takes courage to ask for help....
Addiction can take our sanity away from us (and our lives too, if we keep at it). I'm really glad you're going to treatment - it was one of the best things I ever did for myself.Keep reading and posting - this is a great place for support.
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