Hi, I'm new and ambivalent
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Boston,Ma
Posts: 50
Nightswatch-
You came here for a reason but this friggin disease will convince you that you're not that bad if you let it.
The way I see it for you and me-
You've got a hitman inside you that wants you dead, but he's a subtle foe who'll try and convince you all is well, he's your buddy,you're not that bad, you can do it alone,life will be boring and suck when he's gone, you don't need "those" people, it's not your fault.....blah, blah,blah
Bud was my copilot for 20 yrs, all was well until he grabbed the wheel.
This road only goes one place, I suggest you take the next exit and join us.
SH
You came here for a reason but this friggin disease will convince you that you're not that bad if you let it.
The way I see it for you and me-
You've got a hitman inside you that wants you dead, but he's a subtle foe who'll try and convince you all is well, he's your buddy,you're not that bad, you can do it alone,life will be boring and suck when he's gone, you don't need "those" people, it's not your fault.....blah, blah,blah
Bud was my copilot for 20 yrs, all was well until he grabbed the wheel.
This road only goes one place, I suggest you take the next exit and join us.
SH
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
This is such a great thread, everyone! So many insightful comments and suggestions so far.
All I'll add is that I was there once, NightsWatch. I'm 32 now. 2 years ago, I was doing the bottle of wine a night thing and thinking "it's only 750mL. it's nothing!" I never blacked out, never completely embarrassed myself when out with friends. Fast forward one year... A bottle of vodka a day, a few embarrassing times with friends, still no black outs. But a BOTTLE of vodka? I was consumed by alcohol. I was drinking at work. It was like it just sort of happened before I could intervene on myself.
I definitely don't agree that you have longer to drink before getting serious. I wish every single day of my life that I'd stepped in on myself when I was drinking 1 bottle of wine a day and not when I'd gotten to 1 bottle of vodka a day!
I'm really excited for you! I hope sobriety is in your immediate future. Best of luck and keep coming to SR, it's so helpful!
All I'll add is that I was there once, NightsWatch. I'm 32 now. 2 years ago, I was doing the bottle of wine a night thing and thinking "it's only 750mL. it's nothing!" I never blacked out, never completely embarrassed myself when out with friends. Fast forward one year... A bottle of vodka a day, a few embarrassing times with friends, still no black outs. But a BOTTLE of vodka? I was consumed by alcohol. I was drinking at work. It was like it just sort of happened before I could intervene on myself.
I definitely don't agree that you have longer to drink before getting serious. I wish every single day of my life that I'd stepped in on myself when I was drinking 1 bottle of wine a day and not when I'd gotten to 1 bottle of vodka a day!
I'm really excited for you! I hope sobriety is in your immediate future. Best of luck and keep coming to SR, it's so helpful!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
Originally Posted by foodie1 
Welcome Nightswatch, I can relate to your ambivalence, I feel that way too sometimes. I never hit a rock bottom. My life was/is great. Great job, loving husband and family, all basic needs met or exceeded. But the bottle had my number, and I made all sorts of excuses why my behavior was normal: wine is a "cultured" drink (it's still alcohol) I would drink it even if there were no alcohol, I just love the taste (yeah, right!!!) I go to work every morning (hungover like a dog) My husband has never said anything about me being "tipsy" every night (because he knew I wouldn't remember it in the morning) I'm just so stressed, I need wine to relax (or yoga, or a book, or a walk, or talk to a friend, or...) Everybody else is drinking (but it's only me that's watching the bottles to make sure they don't take it all)
I would do anything for more wine. Lying, hiding, feeling guilty, feeling watched, counting, obsessing, regulating (and failing), and making excuse after excuse are all unhealthy. Napa be damned! (And yes, I do understand the salivation you feel upon hearing that word, but you have to make a choice) What is important to you? Alcoholism does not get better, it only gets worse. Just because you haven't lost anything yet doesn't mean you won't. And is wine worth your life? Somebody said you find the bottom when you stop digging. I put down the wine key and stopped digging.
It sounds like it's time to get "down and dirty" honest with yourself. Of the few people I've told that I have a problem with drinking, most are disbelieving. I seem so "normal." But when I look at myself in the mirror, it's clear as day that I obsess about alcohol. That I could not go even one day without wine. That I could not stop at one glass of wine, or one bottle. That, in and of itself, is enough reason to stop.
I would do anything for more wine. Lying, hiding, feeling guilty, feeling watched, counting, obsessing, regulating (and failing), and making excuse after excuse are all unhealthy. Napa be damned! (And yes, I do understand the salivation you feel upon hearing that word, but you have to make a choice) What is important to you? Alcoholism does not get better, it only gets worse. Just because you haven't lost anything yet doesn't mean you won't. And is wine worth your life? Somebody said you find the bottom when you stop digging. I put down the wine key and stopped digging.
It sounds like it's time to get "down and dirty" honest with yourself. Of the few people I've told that I have a problem with drinking, most are disbelieving. I seem so "normal." But when I look at myself in the mirror, it's clear as day that I obsess about alcohol. That I could not go even one day without wine. That I could not stop at one glass of wine, or one bottle. That, in and of itself, is enough reason to stop.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 176
Originally Posted by SixStringZen
I thought I'd miss beer garden Octoberfests, Napa Valley weekends, Martinis in Monaco, and Mezcal in Cozumel....then, I realize that I really didn't do any of that...I mostly just drank Even Williams on the couch...
I keep thinking, "Well, what if I could just drink on only those occasions and not alone on my couch?" Is that at all possible??
bella, how'd you know I was looking for a drunk whisperer?? I guess I was hoping on some level for someone to say the magical words and I'll be "fixed".
Thank you for your posts 1Day, foodie, NYCDoglvr, sugarbear, SoberHooligan, and silly. What I really want is to be able to drink like a normal person, but looking at my history, I know that once I start, it's almost impossible to stop until I feel sick or pass out. I have no desire to progress further down this path. I think a bottle of vodka would kill me and I don't wish to be killed. I just hope I can maintain this feeling of conviction when I'm in the situations where I rationalize away those concerns ("Everyone's drinking; one drink isn't going to hurt me! I really will just have one this time!") or just plain ignore good sense because I have no self-control.
Being here has helped. In our culture where drinking is fun, cool, sexy, and whatever, it's important to keep hearing all this stuff. Thanks everyone!
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