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Old 09-11-2011, 04:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Tragic


I'm in my midtwenties and been dependant on alcohol since I was 19. I'm drinking gently right now (feeling very fragile.)

Tomorrow I go to my first AA meeting.

The guilt over the lost relationships and opportunities over the years has become so intense I've begun to have anxiety/panic attacks in the morning after drinking.

A few times, after a particularly bad session, I have what I believe is a nervous breakdown lasting a week+.

Earlier tonight I learnt that the only girl I truely loved is now happily in a relationship and pregnant with their child. I always believed and hoped intensely we would get back together. It was my drinking that ended us. Three times.

Now it's the end of the line for alcohol. Quitting and facing the truth of the last 7 years is all I have left, and I have the opportunity to do it now while I still have a little semblance of a life left.

I wish I could make a more upbeat introduction!

I thought I could handle alcohol, I dismissed the consequences of my drinking. I reasoned I was just another young man out pubbing and clubbing, or having a can (or 8) of lager to unwind in the evening. But that delusion has finally broken down.
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Old 09-11-2011, 04:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
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you cannot change the past, however you can direct the future. If you really want to stop you can change your life around.
I only realized what alcohol did to me in my thirties, so you are way ahead of me.
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We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets." Marylin Monroe
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Old 09-11-2011, 05:08 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome,

Stopping drinking means facing the messes we've made along the way, and that is so, so hard to do. I know it kept me drinking longer than it should have.

I'm glad you found us!
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

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Old 09-11-2011, 05:10 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome postsedition. I know you'll feel better when you start reading all the stories here. So many people have been through the same things as you. I felt all alone with my drinking nightmare. Then I came here and found so many just like me who had made it out of hell & were living a full life again.

It's so hard not to have regrets - but you must allow yourself to move on. Try not to sabotage your recovery by being filled with guilt. It does nothing but keep you on square one.

Looking forward to hearing more from you - congratulations on your decision to reclaim your life. You can do this & be happy again!
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A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 09-11-2011, 05:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome Postsedition

I had a lot of guilt shame and regret too - but I've learned to let go of my past as much as possible - what's done is done...it's best to draw a line.

Todays the only day we can really do anything about

D
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Old 09-11-2011, 06:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thankyou guys, really means a lot to be able to say what i've said and be acknowledged and welcomed.
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Old 09-11-2011, 07:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
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to the family.
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Old 09-11-2011, 07:10 PM   #8 (permalink)
~sb
 
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Welcome home!
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