HopefullHusband

I've been trying to decide if i wanted to talk about this or not, but here goes. My counselor gave me the number to a place i could go to get an alcohol assesment and get info about how to continue my journey into sobriety. I was originally hoping my wife would join me for moral and emotional support but I decided I couldn't wait any longer as I realized willpower was not going to be enough. I made the call and scheduled an appointment for this last thursday. I expected the questions, how long have you been drinking...how much do you drink...do you have feelings of depression etc. after that i was hoping to get info on local meeting for alternatives to AA, basic info on if the symptoms im feeling are normal (a headache that has lasted 6 days that asprin cant touch.) Instead it seemed like I got one of their 2 options, if you walk in with the shakes and halucinations you can get admitted to inpatient detox and treatment, or what he said was my only option to get sober. a 3 week outpatient program that was 4 days a week Mon Tue Thur Fri 8 am till noon and on top of that 3 AA meetings a week, no negotiations. My first words were how am i supposed to work, to pay for this and to provide for the wife and 2 kids that are depending on me. His answer was whats more important your job or your sobriety? I told him both, he didnt like that I asked if there were night or weekend times for treatment, nope only 8am till noon how am i supposed to get customers and sand floors if i cant work 4 mornings a week. then i asked if i could attend an alternative to AA like smart or rational recovery or any of the others that dont require me to give up the power over my future and put my sobriety in the hands of someone/something else I believe that i choose to drink I am choosing to stop and that its unfair of me to give up control and expect someone else to fix me. he said no its AA 3 times a week no negotiations. "Those other programs are just setting you up to fail" as far as info on symptoms he said call my doctor, yeah i get it you cant tell me one way or another but with the amount of addicts you see in a year you can at least tell me yeah a bunch of people experiance prolonged headaches. they can be caused by a number of problems so see your doc if they persist to find out why yours are happening or no ive never heard of a 6 day headache so go in and see your doc today. So my only option (in his mind) was to sign up and let him know when i was ready to start. I walked out thinking that i just wasted an afternoon I could have been working and on top of it $170 that i really dont have right now. All to get nothing. So i am back to square one 14 days in now several emails out to local directors of meetings to get day and time info for meetings (no responses yet after 2 days) the luck that my part time pizza delivery job that i go to after working a full day with my wood floor/remodeling business doesn't get out till after the liquor stores are closed. I want this to work, I want to stay sober, and for right now that mindset and the inspiration ive gotten here have been enough. I love the stories i read on here that show me how my relationship with my kids will improve with my sobriety.

Thank you for listening to yet another long post with several typos. I truly appreciate the thoughts and responses I get here. I think I am becoming less of a self pity party and am moving up to a depressed guy that finally is seeing a little hope in his future.

sugarbear1

Why not go to AA and work the steps and see what happens? It couldn't hurt worse, well, at least work the steps as if....I've witnessed miracles happen....you won't miss work, it's worked for millions of people worldwide.....just a thought. The headache may disappear, too.

sugarbear1

As if you believe, with an open mind, listen like the drowning man clinging to a life saving device...3 meetings a week, get someone with time who works the steps guide you....read the first 164 pages of the AA book, again, with an open mind....

HopefullHusband

I like to think that i have a fairly open mind. It's not so much the god/hp thing (although that starts the predisposition for failure) but its more the I'm weak cant control myself and have to leave it up to anything besides myself to get sober. I can understand why this works for so many but in my mind that would be like asking a spirit in the sky to provide me customers for my business instead of walking neighborhoods distributing flyers while im waiting for poly to dry or putting my business cards up in every resteraunt i go into and stapeling my card onto every pizza box i deliver (even though i know 99% of them will be tossed in the recycle bin without ever being seen). I have read the stories of how aa has worked for nonbelievers but i have also read the stories (some here) about how some groups can be over the top religious. seeing that i live one town over from the town that has the most churches per capita than any other town in the US i think i better start with something im not walking into already thinking that its not going to work. looking back at what i just wrote i can see how many will think that im just excusing myself from reaching out to any available source but i know that if i search out all other alternatives and they all fail I WILL go to AA. Like i said I want this to work I want to stay sober. I want to be really there for my wife and kids. I want to get to know the me i have been hiding all these years. I am really hoping that my wife likes the person that i am going to become. no disrespect meant to anyone with any of my comments just expressing how my mind works. Thanks again to all who respond, I do take away at least a portion of every post i have read on these forums.

ReadyAndAble

I'm sorry to hear that. It must feel like walls are being thrown up in front of you. Is there any reason you can't still reach out to other programs on your own? I'm glad you're giving it a go despite the burden it's putting on. You're going to be really glad you did this. You've heard right: one of the very best parts of being sober is being a sober parent.

Terminally Unique

The Rational Recovery method does not require any meetings, BTW.

In fact, there are none.

HopefullHusband

I have reached out to other programs. I have the times and dates for 2 programs. unfortunately they only meet once a week and this next week i cant make either one. I have emails out to the contact info for 2-3 other programs that say they have meetings in the chicagoland area. Waiting to hear back from them, as they only have contact info not time/ location info on their sites. As much as i seem discouraged I really am not, I am sure that everything happens in the time it is supposed to. It just kills me that my wife is working extra to make up for my financial shortcomings of late and i just wasted $170 to get nothing but a delay on finding the answers for myself. O well, I have a wall hanging in my living room that i point out to my kids all the time, it reads " Patience is a tree whose root is bitter, but the fruit is very sweet" I tell myself that if i expect my kids to listen to that I have to also.

HopefullHusband

Sorry I have been researching these for a few days now and actually knew that but at 1:30 am i was grasping to remember any of the names for recovery methods. I would like to include some sort of face to face plan as I dont have much in the way of actual friends in illinois besides my wife so it would be nice to have someone to talk to in person.

Terminally Unique

That's up to you, but I can tell you that you don't need to spend a boatload of money to quit drinking, nor do you need to jeopardize your job to do it.

Dee74

Noone wants to lose jobs or have our families go hungry - but it makes sense to give 100% of all the available time and energy you have, HH


There are many paths up the recovery mountain - as long as you're prepared to not give up until you find a way that makes sense to you - and you're prepared to put time and effort into it - you should see progress and change

D

HopefullHusband

That's why i am upset about Thursday's eval. I was willing to spend 170 to get info that would be helpful. I now realize this isn't like a car mechanic, I actually have to take the time to research for myself even if I don't have much time. No plans to drop a lot of money or jeopardize my business. I will be rearranging my monday and tuesday nights so I can attend the meetings I know of, for a few weeks at least until I can see if they work for me. I am keeping all of my options open at the moment prioritizing them in the order I can imagine them being successful for me.

Part of the F2F I am looking forward to is possible friendships to bring into my daily life, the closest thing I can think of as a friend that I see often is a guy who technically works for me. Outside of my wife my true friends live at least 1500 miles away and as much as I still talk to them regularly it doesn't come close to being able to hang out together.

As far as work I leave my house at 8am and work my business until 4:30 then deliver pizza until 10-12 depending on the day. I have Mon and Wed night off of pizza delivery and use those nights to try and find a better alternative to delivering pizza. The only time I get to see my kids is Sat mornings or the rare occasion i get home 10 min before the head to sleep. They are very understanding now but it is killing me that some of those nights I am sacrificing time with my family to make $20-$30. Everything happens for a reason and maybe one of the cards I staple to a pizza box will get me a floor job that will allow me to put money back into savings. I really am trying to stay positive, sorry if I'm not coming off that way.

Terminally Unique

Well, I can guarantee you that you'll save quite a bit of money simply by not drinking. I did the math once on how much I was spending, very scary stuff. Quitting is a nice way to give yourself a raise.

CaiHong

Hi Hopefulhusband

Due respect to you for working so hard to support your family. I understand you can't drop everything. Do you have an mp3 player? I suggest you download some recovery programs, I don't care which one but get some information flowiing into you throughout your busy day, while you work. I listen to this one, my preference
On-Demand RecoveryTV Addiction Recovery Resources

Don't be so quick to judge AA, like any organization, it is made up of people, some we will like and some we won't, that is not the point, the 12 steps are the point. I am not a fan of organized religion either but I accept a HP because I believe it will help me to recover.

There is a lot you can do now for your recovery, that wont cost money.

I really want you to succeed and lead a happy and healthy life with your family and I think that a sober life will give you more time with them.

All the best
CaiHong

TodayImFree

I was skimming through the internet looking for sobriety calenders and came across this page. i felt compelled to join after reading your post so i could share my experience with you. I've been trying to get sober for over two years on my own. The time i did get in was miserable for the most part.
I researched methods of how to quite drinking,went to addiction Councillors, and refused to attend AA meetings because of what i had read on the internet in terms of the religious aspect and eventually i drank again. i never wanted to admit that my life had become unmanageable and that i was powerless.
Eventually after hitting many bottoms i started going to AA,even then it took many months before i could put any significant sober time together but what AA has given me is a group of people that truly care(and i don't have to pay). Today I make the time to attend as many different meetings as i can as the fellowship of people that care and new friends i have made helps keep me sober today. The meetings that i don't particularly appreciate i don't attend.
I also thought i couldn't take the time off work for fear i may loose my job and jeopardize my families well being. After speaking with my wife we agreed that my sobriety was worth it so i checked myself into a treatment center(on my credit card) with many reservations and fears.Today i still have my job,my sanity,and the love and respect of my family.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

Anna

I agree that you have to figure out what works for you.

I also agree that recovery has to be your priority, but it doesn't have to mean putting your job in jeopardy.

I firmly believe that, as long as you are motivated, any recovery program will work for you. It's not about the program, as much as what you put into it. I have used SR as my lifeline for many years, and I've never been disappointed.

HopefullHusband

Thank you everyone. I was feeling pretty low last night and couldn't sleep. Posting here and hearing your responses really helped ease my mind and let me get some sleep. I don't know what the future holds but I woke up this morning feeling good and not hungover. I know I can make it through today and that's all that counts.

I will check out the recordings, they probably will be very helpful as I spend most days with only my racing random thoughts to keep me company.

Dee74

good to hear HH

and welcome to you too TodayI'mFree

D

CaiHong

Hopefulhusband,

So happy to hear you are feeling better/stronger today. I also spend a lot of time on my own and the recordings help to override the negative, useless thinking.

My best wishes which are sort of like prayers.
CaiHong