Newtosoberlivin

Day 1 again. I didn't drink the "full fledged" alcohol, BUT I did drink 4 bottles of St. Pauli Girl N/A, which STILL is alcohol, so I need to reset my date. Damn....

I talked to two folks in my AA program, and both were wonderful about listening to me and what thoughts came before the actual "putting it to my lips" part (I should have picked up the phone to either or both BEFORE this happened though). This was in the works as of Thursday afternoon, that is when I started to obssess about it, and I knew it would likely happen. I knew my daughter would be with her dad tonight and in my mind, I "justified" having it. Now I feel appropriately guilty and awful, BUT I am also astounded at the thought process that comes first, THAT is the hardest part of all. Not stopping, but STAYING stopped.

So lesson learned, it's weighing on my consicence and although I plan to attend two speaker's meetings (one tomorrow morning and one on Sunday night), I plan to come clean to my home group, where I feel most comfortable, at Monday's noon meeting.

At least I am armed with the knowledge now that I know where the problem/temptation lies the strongest. In me, in my mind and my thought process, and I gave in instead of cancelling it out and doing something else or calling someone.

That (calling someone I don't know very well) is the very hardest part for me. Hardest of all. I have always been a "people pleaser" and I always am afraid I am being a bother or interrupting their personal time. That is just me, and I need to get over that fear but it's hard. Funnily enough I am very outgoing in reality, love to meet new people, find it easy and enjoyable to start up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. But this is still an obstacle for me, strange.

Just thought I would share, I am sure you are all with me as I have climbed back up on the horse and forward I go, wiser and stronger and knowing what to do, and more importantly what NOT to do (for any newcomers, always have a plan b and even a plan c for harder, tempting timesIf you feel the urge, do whatever it takes to get through it, pray, talk to someone, take a walk, it WILL pass). My resolve was weak this past week, as I have not been taking the right steps (getting on my knees, asking my HP to take away the temptation, only for today, giving it up to God, God is my HP ftr).

Thanks for listening.

Dee74

I'm sorry for what happened but it sounds like you learned some stuff newtosoberlivin....

I totally agree - I needed not only a plan D but a plan Z...

it's hard work fighting off those rationalisations - especially when you're as champion at it as I was - but it's worth it.

It gets easier

Welcome back
D

instant

I found reading about the Addictive Voice at Rational Recovery very helpful. Working out when you are most at risk and planning for this is also useful.

foodie1

Newtosoberlivin, I'm glad you're not being too hard on yourself. Your name says it all, we are New to this, and it's really freaking hard sometimes!! So you reset your date and carry on with your new sober life. You are still committed to a sober life, that's very evident by your post, and you'll have it, we're all rooting for you!

HopefullHusband

Last night was rough for me as well. Day 13. If it wasn't for the fact that I didn't get out of work till after alcohol sales stop it might have turned out very differently. Congrats on making it to 23 once, you can do it again!