IWillWin

Hello All - I've been reading these forums for a while now and decided to join today after an embarassing incident last night finally brought with it my moment of clarity.

I've been pretty sober for about 6 months -- moderately drank at a few parties and even managed to go on a vacation and not have any alcohol issues.

Well, last night I was reminded that I am not smarter than this insidious demon and I cannot accurately predict my consumption or behavior in any drinking situations. Sometimes it all works out fine, but sometimes it doesn't.

A little background - I rarely drank until about 6 years ago when it started to sneak up on me. I was a social drinker, could always stop when I wanted, and actually thought I had escaped the family curse and was able to enjoy life as a normal drinker. Somewhere along the way, it grabbed me and I was in its clutches for a long time ... mind you, I've never had any real consequence from my drinking other than royally pissing off my husband sometimes, but I know enough about alcoholisim to see the writing on the wall.

So I changed my life. Stopped drinking at home, had long periods of no drinks, etc. and it tricked me into thinking I caught it just in time and I am totally fine. Yeah, not so much.

Well, this brings me to here. Telling my story and finally admitting that I can't drink. At all. Ever. It just doesn't work for me. I am sad that some of my friendships will suffer but I was prepared for that and they already have in a lot of ways because of my change in lifestyle over the past 6 months.

I gotta tell ya - the one thing that is really bugging me today is that IT won last night. But I can also tell you this - I WILL WIN in the end. I am a fighter and this is not going to beat me. No way. It may be a hard battle but I am informed, supported and ready. So bring it on demon alcohol. I'm ready.

Thanks for reading ... and thanks to you all who have the courage to share your fight with the forums. I think these pages save more lives than anyone really knows ...

artsoul

Welcome IWillWin - I like that name!

Glad you've decided to get sober. It's so much easier than trying to control our drinking. I didn't have any outer consequences to speak of either, but I spent too many mornings being miserable and suffering on the inside.

This is a great place - I'm inspired every day...... It's great to have you along on this journey!

IWillWin

I feel better already just having put this into the universe. The load is lighter when the truth is out there ... and not a giant secret weighing you down like a suitcase.

This is a wonderful forum and I know that I can do this ... I've done it, and changed my life from a drinking life to almost 100% non-drinking life, but I never truly surrendered.

After last night, and having to get driven home by my BOSS, I surrender.

Boy, Vegas sure is going to be boring on my upcoming vacation! LOL! I am not sure I will even go at this point -- I don't want to be there but I do want to see my friends. Just not convinced I can do it and not drink. Sigh.

mpls

I am glad you have gotten around to really try to turn your life around. Yes, some of your friendships may change, but if they cannot do things that don't revolve around drinking with you, then you probably don't want them in your life anyway. My best advice is to not drink at all. Thinking you can only have a couple is setting yourself up for failure. Life does go on and it may take some time but I promise things will bet better.

I remember first getting clean and sober and I hated it because it made me so uncomfortable. But it took time and now I am actually happy and I never thought that would happen. I didn't think I could go out again, to dinner parties or out with friends. You can, it just takes time and you just have to make sure you are secure in yourself and your sobriety at time time.

Welcome to the rest of your life. I mean that, because one day you will get to where you couldn't imagine ever wanting to drink again because of how happy you really are without it!

bellakeller

I went to a wine tasting weekend early on in recovery. I didn't drink at all. BUT IT REALLY SUCKED. I white-knuckled it through the entire weekend. In the beginning I had none of the tools I have since developed over a period of sobriety.

Maybe there's another way to keep contact with friends for now until you get your feet on the ground and that time will come with some sobriety under your belt.

Wishing you the best.

TheOjibway84

Well welcome to SR! IWillWin it's great you have taken a step in admitting you know you have a drinking problem. I've been coming to this site every day for almost a month now. I myself was struggling so much with my drinking when I lived on my own that it over took my life and everything was crumbling around me. I couldn't pay bills and I didn't go to work when I drank. It brings nothing but problems if you can't control it. When I was into 3 years of drinking I was a binger but it never got in the way of work or family. So go figured I never realized I had a drinking problem and when I did I kept fooling myself thinking I could drink as much as I wanted to, especially when I was on my own and my parents couldn't boss me into not drinking anymore. Its a demon for sure, We all can agree. I've lost many friends due to my drinking and I gained alot of fake ones who cared nothing but drinking. I know your friends may see a change but who knows, they may support it Thing is just as everyone else has told me and many others. take one day at a time and get the support you need. Your husband may like it if you take control and try to fight this demon. I've been sober for almost a month myself actually. I've been fighting it for 7 years now. But something has changed this time around. Family support, AA and this site alone has risen my spirits ten fold. I come here every day and it really helps. good luck and welcome once again

Hevyn

Hello IWillWin - and I know you will. You have a positive attitude & you're not going to let this disease defeat you. We'll be with you on your journey to sobriety.

There are some great responses here, so I have little to add. When I found SR everything changed for me. I had been trying to tough it out all alone for a long time. I never realized there were so many people with the same exact thoughts that I had, who had been through the same things. No one else in my life had a problem with it - I was all alone in my misery until I came to SR.

The encouragement and wisdom I found here uplifted me to the point that I stopped all together - even though I'd only been looking for a way to control it. I realized stopping completely was the only way to get my life back on track. Once I admitted that, I felt so free. I hope you'll feel the same.

least

to the family. You'll find a lot of support and understanding here.

Dee74

Welcome IWillWin
I believe you will - great to have join us!

D

breath

Just remember, less than 2% of us can win without AA; a lonely alcoholic is a doomed alcoholic. Just sayin'

freshstart57

I am really interested in that statistic. Can you provide your source for that?

Rift

*And sorry this doesn't necessarily have anything to do with being sober or alcohol/drugs.*

I always seem to find myself randomly thinking of people from my past. Anybody from my first school days to the present. It's weird. Like at random times, especially when I'm not especially busy I will start to think about someone from my past...and think whatever happened to them or wonder how their life has turned out.

I also seem to look back on a lot of my memories with various people and feel all nostalgic. Sometimes glad a certain friendship or time period is over or sometimes wishing for the innocent good ole days when I was a young kid. I always remember liking middle school days the best for some reason.

There are so many people that I have lost touch with over the years and I always randomly start to think of them wether or not I liked them or not. It's so weird and driving me crazy. It's like... will these people ever get out of my head and out of my life/thoughts. Will every person that I meet and get to know always be in the recesses of my mind somewhere? SO weird.

And then I wonder...do these people ever randomly think of me at times in their lives. I know it's kinda weird, but do any of you experience this?

Rift

sorrry about this post. I meant to start a new thread.

Xune

Edit - realize this is a more than a year old thread.

Never mind.