Newtosoberlivin

hey all, day 23 here (and it doesn't seem to be getting easier to be honest, hard days lately). Anyhow, yesterday the secretary of my home group asked me to chair the noon meeting, so I agreed.

For the most part, it was very gratifying to be sitting "on the other side." and I didn't let me nervousness get the better of me, either.

I have the up days and the down days, but it seems to me that when things are tough, something like this happens and brings me back up to where I need to be emotionally.

I cannot lie, I am still at the point where I am po'ed that I can't drink, like ever, but am trying to focus on the one 24 hour window at a time, and that helps immensely to take the pressure off.

Just wanted to share....still looking for a sponsor, but that is a whole nother story..lol..

OceanSize

Hi there - also on day 23.

:ghug3

yesterday i had the first real moment where i realized i won't have alcohol in my life and i had a really angry day. It was a whole new level of step 1. I really wanted to drink, it was the first time in the last 23 days that i realized the "pink cloud" is fading....and one day at a time really helped. in fact yesterday there were moments when i took it a minute at a time.

thanks so much for your share. have a great day 23. So Grateful to wake up this morning sober.

Newtosoberlivin

OceanSize, I hear ya on that!! My whole week has pretty much been that way, and I can't say I'm "happy" to know that (but I need to keep reminding myself of how very UNHAPPY I was in the end and how many people I dragged down with me to that miserable place). I plan to make a list (even though I still need a sponsor to date, THAT is very frustrating not to have one or anyone who wants to/is willing to be one for me) of the things I have done/lived while drinking/escaping reality.

THe main thing that stands out in my mind, is that I was literally crafting a funeral list of songs to be played when I died (I knew if I kept going the way I was, it was inevitable). Talk about sick and sad.

With God's help, I hope to keep myself from being dragged down to the hell pit ever again...

You also have a wonderful Day 23!!!!!

Anna

I'm glad you're working on moving forward with your recovery.

LoftyIdeals

Newtosoberlivin and oceansize...I'm on day 34, and I get you. Life slips back in when the honeymoon starts to fade. It's a good thing, and strengthens us when we don't drink to cope. I think the challenge for me has been finding other coping mechanisms, like exercise, which has helped me a little. My main problem has been getting re-motivated in my job. It seems lethargy has crept in, and everything takes a back seat to recovery. That's good for me in the long run, but I seek a better balance, so I can get back to life as normal, and start earning for my family again (I'm self employed, so no work means no $$).

NTSL...good for you for expanding your horizons in AA. I am re-involved in AA, and attending 3-4 mtgs a week. It still doesn't feel like enough on some days, but it really helps on the days I'm involved.

Getting pissed at life may be a blessing. At least you will have energy from your emotion, and might be able to convert that energy to your gain in sobriety and life. I almost wish I'd get pissed to be able to get some things done. Instead, I am stuck in my head, taking the time to process all things, which, for me doesn't lead to activity, but more thought.

I like this thread, and hope we can continue the discussion.

Newtosoberlivin

LoftyIdeals,

I am also self-employed, freelancing doing some writing work, but I hear ya that no work=no money. It's a bit stressful since it's been well over a month since I last worked on a project, but I am looking for a full time job in my field meantime. Have an interview today, see what happens I guess.

I am just trying to find that "happy bubble" I felt so greatly last weekend. Seems it's disappeared for now, discouraging to say the least...I am trying so hard to hold onto hope this entire past week, it's hard as the cravings are back with a vengance for some reason. I have been trying to find a "replacement" drink, something liquid that I really enjoy the taste of. No luck so far, I suspect that is because in my "alkie" mind nothing but a cold beer will do, and I cannot do that and know it. Then I read these posts about the NA beer and REALLY feel depressed. Not even that, and I know that too. Damn...

It's almost like telling a child they can NEVER have a piece of candy again, ever. That is the only thing I can equate it to. The more you tell someone that they CANNOT have something it seems, the more they want that something.

sugarbear1

You guys made it so far (23, 34 days) and you're ALL MIRACLES! If you're like me, I Never thought I could make it a week! Be grateful for your accomplishment!!!

Life happens, whether we numb our emotions or not, so feel the 'new' feelings then let them pass. Be productive. Try cleaning your bathroom when feeling that yucky feeling, when you finish cleaning you may have a new perspective! Service work always helps me.

The only constant in life is change.

Enjoy the rest of today!!

Coco210

Great you chaired the AA meeting. You know, I used to now even be able to fathom the idea of not being able to have a drink. I do not have those feelings anymore...hope this is part of recovery. I don't care that my friends drink...at all.

Dee74

Yeah only it's not a piece of candy - it's something that will destroy us if we let it.

It's not a good thing, it's not a reward, and it's not something we should miss, or feel badly done by because we've excised it out of our lives.

I know it's hard - I felt that way too - it seemed unfair to me that I was like this and I was petulant about it....I often drank for the sheer spite of it...

But the more I worked on my recovery and stayed sober I realised what a lie I'd been feeding myself for years newtosoberlivin...

I love sober me and I love my sober life...I hope you'll feel this way too.

I didn't give up or lose a damn thing

D

Dee74

Yeah only it's not a piece of candy - it's something that will destroy us if we let it.

It's not a good thing, it's not a reward, and it's not something we should miss, or feel badly done by because we've excised it out of our lives.

I know it's hard - I felt that way too...

it seemed unfair to me that I was like this and I was petulant about it....I often drank for the sheer spite of it...

But the more I worked on my recovery and stayed sober I realised what a lie I'd been feeding myself for years newtosoberlivin...

my alcoholism was still calling the shots in my head for quite a while after I stopped drinking and I had to learn to recognise that.

I love sober me and I love my sober life...I really hope you'll come to feel this way too.

I didn't give up or lose a damn thing

D

Sharon311

Hello this is my 1st post. I have 10 days. Feeling great but getting that urge to reward myself with a few drinks for having a productive hard working week. I had to sit down and write down all the reasons why that is a terrible idea. It's like I forget all the terrible things that come with drinking. I am aware that this is going to be a difficult process. Can't lol ahead. Just do it day by day. Life is SO much easier without alcohol in it. I am better to myself and my family. No guilt, paranoia or terrible hangover. Thanks for listening to me vent ��

Della1968

Hi!! This is an old thread maybe you would like to start your own so everyone can get to know you? Stick around this it's a great group.

hokey

The hokey pokey IS what it's all about

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Sharon!!

Soberwolf

This my friend

& welcome to SR Sharon