sprizzy

many thanks for the kind, and very direct words (peter). they are much needed. the wife and i just walked our dog around the park, and revisited a few of the many, many things that i have done to land me here.

even after crying to her mother last night, she still tells me she loves me. even after tripping into a dumpster at a neighbor's bday party, getting out of bed, and taking me to the ER at 2am for 6 stitches, she still tells me she loves me. even after going on a golfing trip, not calling her for 2 days, and then calling her hammered, she still loves me. even after going on vacation to third world countries, going out for "a beer", and then coming home 4 hours later, she's still here.

maybe one day i'll love me like that. i only wish and hope that i'll someday be able to give her the only thing that she has ever asked of me...

here's to day 1. going to grill some grub, next to my man-cave, with 8 heinekens still in the downstairs fridge. they're safe for now.

thanks for listening.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Sprizzy
Some great advice here

Reading this thread, I guess when you break it down...you have your wife on one hand - upset, crying to her mom even - and on the other, your desire to drink alcohol.

To me there's no contest here.

If it was a friend, what would you suggest?
Would you say both things were as important as each other?

D

freshstart57

If you are going to commit to this and to your wife, make a beer donation to a deserving neighbour. Lose the booze, no alcohol in the house. It will go a long way to firming your resolve, and the Mrs. will take notice, believe me. Time to see that smile again that you remember from way back when.

I was unable to bear the thought of not having a drink or two (or many many more) while fishing and camping with the buddies, especially while I was drinking. The idea is still not attractive now that I am sober, but now it actually seems likely, and not a bad thing at all. Sober you will look at a lot of things differently. Give that guy an even chance. Good Luck.

Reset

To be direct, I don't like ultimatums and would be pissed if someone told me I had to do X "or else." To me those are not the ideal conditions or motivations for entering sobriety.

Like Anna said, I really think you have to be the one who wants this. Your wife may approve of the decision but it's gotta be your decision.

So I would have a tough time in your shoes, but I guess you have a lot of thinking to do about what you really want.

Regarding the quitting forever thing, that was a huge hurdle for me too. Once I told myself it was going to be for "a while" instead of forever, I managed to stop. And after "a while" I realized that forever wasn't such a bad prospect at all. These days I have a hard time envisioning why I would want to go back to drinking.

You'll learn that fishing or golfing or whatever other activities are just as fun. Or maybe they're not as fun and you'll choose different hobbies, but I think in the end you'll be fine with that.

Good luck and I hope you can quit for a while just to see what it's like. I found it to be a lot better on the other side.

susanlauren

Sprizzy,
With each of your posts, your "little problem" is looking worse and worse and worse. You promised your wife one year alcohol free and you lasted four days? Are you able to stop and stay stopped on your own? Or are you beyond that point? You may be further along than you think in that downward spiral.
Susan

Mark75

You are in the right place, I think. Lots of red flags there. Sounds like you got a decent life there... Wife, golf trips, trout fishing, running, healthy... Wife, hmm... A woman who loves you, wants to be with you, but she doesn't want to live her life with a drunk. She must be thinking alot about this... Crying to her mom, probably reading some stuff, things about alcoholics, about we shouldn't drink at all, suggesting you get help...

You resent that she wants to have an upper hand in molding you to exactly what she wants you to be.... LOLOLOLOL ... You might have an easier time of it if your drinking buddies wouldn't razz you for not drinkin' .... LOLOLOLOL

I laugh because.... I ... Know ... Exactly ... What ... You are saying.... C'mon, you can't bullsh1t a bullsh1tter.... I've said the same things you are.

Yea, you have to do this thing because you want it... But maybe have a look at this, a lot of us had to be brought to our moments of clarity by others ... Wives, judges, people with scary ID badges... Some say they are angels... Well whatever, thanx for posting. Keep coming back...

Welcome to SR!!

sprizzy

thanks again to all of the replies.
you are right, there is no choice to even consider. i love my wife, and want to make our lives better.
i very much do want to at very least stop drinking for a month, then maybe two, maybe more. i need to prove to myself, and my wife, that i can do this. yeah, the ultimatum thing sucks, but i've had chances before that didn't seem to work out. i understand her frustration, and i'm prepared to do what i can to make our marriage work. she is not perfect, nor does she claim to be, but maybe by my willingness to address my issues, she will consider hers.
the beer will go to my dad on our next pizza night. i'm an only child, and my parents will have no problem supporting anything that i want, or think i need to do, including this.
well, i guess just like anything, when you have an open forum of like minded individuals, one tends to open up more. and, i guess the more i open up, the worse my story sounds.
i'm sure i could slide a lot further down the slide before i hit a bottom, but i don't want to. now's my chance, with support, to change my life, at least today and hopefully tomorrow.
i'm signing off for the evening. day one over. good luck to all and thanks for the advice. i look forward to more.

Threshold

here is what stuck out to me, your talking about the thought of NEVER drinking again...I know what you mean, forever is a damned long time!

I spent a long time bargaining with myself, after all look how much I was giving up... blah blah blah

then, slowly I began to see that the crap I was using was NOT enhancing my life, it was robbing me. And then I started thinking that hey, maybe NOT having that stuff in my life was more about having the stuff I wanted. I didn't lose a darn thing that was worth having by getting clean. Using cost me SO much in every area of my life, but sobriety costs me nothing, and gives me so much.

Sobriety is not about what I take away from my life, it is about what I allow myself to have.

I didn't realize this in time to salvage my marriage, but it will benefit every relationship I am in hereafter.

LaFemme

You should read Jabba's thread...I will try and post a link if I remember tomorrow...he wS in an almost identical spot.