mpls

I am a 26 year old woman. I am currently living with my mom, as a full time student. My "boyfriend" has been in prison for 4 months and will be there for another 18 months. I have been lying to her about him, telling her we are now just friends. She found a letter from him and found out the truth, we are still together. I know she will never be able to trust me again and man, I am just lost. What can I do?

sugarbear1

Are you drinking over it?

Dee74

Hi mpls
Welcome.

I'm not a dab hand at these kinds of questions.
I agree it's best to be honest though.

If you be totally honest with your mum from now on, I'm sure in time she'll eventually trust you again.

D

mpls

No, I have been sober for over 4 years but tonight is going to be pretty rocky for me. I know I am not going to, but I cant pretend like it doesnt sound nice.

mpls

No, I have been sober for over 4 years but tonight is going to be pretty rocky for me. I know I am not going to, but I cant pretend like it doesnt sound nice.

Dee74

Drinking never solves anything - and in this case I think it would only further damage your relationship with your mom, mpls.

I'm glad you've joined us - you'll find a lot of support here

D

sugarbear1

Honesty is a great beginning as it's sober behavior! I wish you well!

gravity

If I were your mom, I'd be more concerned about the fact that you have a boyfriend in prison. You're 26, going to school, sober...you have your whole life in front of you.

Peter G

I'm trying to figure out why it's necessary - as a 26 yr old woman - to lie about your relationships with anybody, to anyone, for any reason. Sure I can see that your Mom would be concerned, considering your guy is in the system, but beyond that, your good (or bad) judgments are yours to make and certainly nothing you should ever have to explain away or mislead people from. What I'm saying is that in the end, how you live your life is your own cross to bear, no other should feel it necessary to assume that responsibility (parent or not).

There are boundaries that consenting adults are not supposed to cross, family or not. Her disapproval of your relationship with your man obviously has a part to play in you feeling the need to lie, IMO. Think about how her judgment(s) on him motivated your dishonesty. Also it sounds a bit like you seek the approval of certain people at all cost. Trust me, many folks are guilty of that. I certainly was.

I'd suggest you and your Mom explore the reasons behind why you felt it necessary to lie to her in the first place, either in therapy or just between each other over a coffee. There may be something within that dialog that can help her trust issues, and also help your own issues dealing with your parent(s) honestly. It may be an action that can help you 2 develop a healthy adult relationship with each other, and finally archive the parent/child paradigm.

Just my 2 pesos.