Coco210

I am a binge drinker. Can go for a week or more without a thought of alcohol, but any social occasion and I get in trouble. Especially if I have people over to my house. What a horrible cycle...drink too much, black out, and fear the worst the next morning. Awful thoughts of wondering what others must think of me. This past Saturday was the worst...the anxiety and self loathing is the worst. Anyone identify with this? Someone emailed me and asked how I felt...I can't tell you how horrible that makes me feel...

ACT10Npack

Sorry to hear about that. I'm the same way myself. Most the time when I drink, I binge it to the limit. But I go for days on end with my drinking because I don't want to face the hangover. Most thing to do is to stay away from alcohol all together. I know it's a hard thing because social event will always have alcohol.

Why not try to stop it now and learn how to live a sober life. It's really not bad and you can learn how to have fun without getting drunk.

Welcome to SR. We are here to help.

Anna

Oh, absolutely. The cycle never ends because the self-loathing is almost impossible to bear, so I would deal with it by drinking more. Yikes! Take a leap of faith and know that you can do this.

artsoul

Welcome Coco!

It's baffling, isn't it? I would feel totally in control when I picked up the first drink but once I did, there wasn't enough alcohol to satisfy me.

You've come to the right place - we all know what it's like.

1983ritag

A lot of my nights of drinking usually end in blackouts. I hate to blackout, but for some reason my thirst is not satisfied until I do.

I never understood when people would say, "1 is too much but 10 is not enough." I totally get it now. The next morning is the worst. Wondering what exactly happened, If I acted like a fool? That's the scariest feeling.

I was never really an everyday drinker, but definitely a binge drinker. I have tried to moderate and it doesn't seem to work for me. I decided to abstain completely.

I completely relate to you and so many others on here as well. SR has helped me a lot and I hope you find what you are looking for here. Good luck!

ButterflyMan

Welcome Coco, you are not alone. I myself also suffer from the type of binge drinking you described. I don't feel the urge to pick up a drink everyday but when I do, I feel a darkness descend upon me and all of a sudden the most important thing in the world to me is trying to fill that void with whatever is at the bottom of the bottle. I'm telling you that things can get better, and that depressive mood that hangs over you ever Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday as the mental effects of the booze slowly wear off is preventing you from living a normal life. That feeling is not normal and it's not necessary. Stick at it with our help and support and you'll soon realise that there are far better things in life than causing yourself physical and mental damage.

Amylynn

Yup...that is what alway happened to me as well. There is nothing worse than that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach wondering what you did and said in front of people. It's time to break that cycle! Keep reading and posting-that is what has been making me feel better

chicagoJ

I've been a binge drinker the duration of my habit. I never drink 2 days in a row, but once my hangover is completely gone, which is about 42 hours since my last drink, I'm back at it for about 5 hours. That cycle repeats like clockwork.

Also, the guilt is pretty normal. It's amazing how good and perfect I feel when I take that first drink. Completely sober, full of energy, hope and optimism. The next morning it is the oppisite. There is always guilt at some level. Sometimes it's just regrets that I still am doing this, and other times it's wondering if I will be unemployed from missing another day at work.

So yea, I can identify with you about feeling bad the next day. But, I do try and put it in perspective. It is what it is. For me the focus is on finding sobriety not how bad the problem is.

RaulRittch

Most of my night outs end up on binging and blackouts. I cant have a drink without having that urge to get wasted. I hate it the next morning when the hungover takes control of your mind and body. I feel weak and depressed, and some times to the point i get anxiety. If im lucky to have xanax it will go away. If not i just have to deal with it. I have the weekends off so for sure i start from friday till sunday.

I regularly drink at my house during the week. i can control that urge to get wasted more than if im out at the bars. Im new here on the forums and im really looking foward to get better.

Good luck

CaliBohemian

That feeling is quite familiar, Coco. I've only blacked out a few times, but I have a lot of half-blackouts, where I'm partially aware that I'm behaving like a jackass and can't control it. It seems to happen a lot at social events. Crowds freak me out and I'm not really a people person, so social events are like a special form of torture for me. Drinking is the only way I can deal with it. Then again, I'll binge my way through days off work because I can't think of anything else to do.

It's an insidious habit, but you're definitely not alone in your frustration and embarrassment with its costs. I've spent a lot of time chasing after pissed off people, apologizing for things I don't remember doing, and sheepishly calling friends to find out exactly what I did. It's hard to have your sense of self-worth intact when that's the reality you're living in.

Nobody here will hold any of that against you, though. We've been there before.

WhiteKnuckled

I'm two days off a vicious 9 day bend. The anxiety ups and downs coupled with withdrawals are just to much for me so I know exactly how you feel. There are those that can help if you want it. I'm with ya!

Dee74

I was a binge drinker for many years before I 'graduated' to all day drinking...no matter how you drink, if you drink like we did it's a really rough way to live

the physical stuff is bad enough but the morning after knowing 'something happened' but never really knowing what..

I do not miss that.

I'm glad you're here doing something about it Coco

D

OceanSize

Hi Coco - welcome.
I identify with this completely. I'm a binge drinker - feel free to read back in my post history. My last blackout brought me to my knees 22 days ago - I've been sober for 21 days. One friend who i saw the night of my last blackout told me the next day that I was unrecognizable to her. It felt horrible, and sadly (but also thankfully) is not the worst thing that happened that night.

I've been sober for 21 days. I have a sponsor and am working the program. I've only experienced one business dinner with people who were drinking within the last 21 days (and didn't drink!!), but have a business related formal (event related) "cocktail hour" that i have to attend next week. Those things are where I generally drink. (generally? no. i always drank at those things) (not anymore. i can't. i'm an alcoholic, and i'm one drink away from ruining my life). I'm really nervous (!!!!), and was just looking at the meeting schedule to make sure i know where all the closest meetings are, on that day and even during the event.

21 days sober, binge drinker, blackouts - I'm an alcoholic, saying hi here - and welcome to SR. I'm really glad you're here.

ACT10Npack

OceanSize if your nervous about drinking at your business cocktail hour then order a drink that looks like an alcohol drink and no one will question you. If you don't want to do that then just telling your taking meds that not be mixed with alcohol.

OorWullie

I've been a binge drinker for some 30 years. At times I can take a couple of drinks only but 2/3 times a month I get hammered. It's been like that since I was 14. After a session I say i'll quit but as soon as I feel good again I get heavily drunk. I need to stop too.

Coco210

Gosh, I don't know what to say but a big THANK YOU to everyone here. I can't talk about it to anyone...just too ashamed. I absolutely hate myself after binge drinking. I don't remember people leaving my house Saturday night. The feeling is just unbearable. BUT...that being said, you all have given me sound advice and I know each and every one of you DO know what I am going through. Called "been there, done that...". I am discouraged because I have tried before to no avail.

So I will pose a question to you all...how many times did you go through this before you finally did something about it? What was the difference? I want to be a total non-drinker, as it is painfully obvious I will not control the amount I drink...even if it is once a week.

artsoul

I had a lot of failed attempts to moderate. I tried for at least a year.

I didn't have blackouts, but my hangovers were awful and getting worse over time. It made a difference when I finally accepted that all that misery came from picking up the first drink, and I didn't want that anymore.

OceanSize

hi Coco! seems to me that you are realizing that you are powerless over alcohol. Congrats!!!!

how many times before i did anything about it? many many many. years and years and years. And really, it's because i never really really accepted that i was powerless.

the first time i drank myself into a blackout was high school. It was obviously not the last. somewhere around college i i think i knew (deep down) it was an issue, but it's hard to say. i think i've always known. But then again i didn't know at all, because I needed to get knocked down to my hands and knees. humbled.

there have been years of head games "2 drink minimum" plans etc that . So i spent the last 20 years convinced i didn't really have a problem, if i could only get it under control. ha!

at least five or six times a year i've blacked out, (on a slow year) and at least once a year i made big giant messes. On the surface I've been in denial the whole time, but i never felt normal. I did always know i wasn't like other people when i had booze. I made a ton of excuses as to why i wasn't an alcoholic. HA!

it wasn't until 24 days ago that i was humbled enough, where alcohol brought me to my knees, when i wanted to die, when i could have died, when i knew i was in the dark....that everything changed, and I knew. I just knew. I'm an alcoholic. I knew and i know.

have i ever wondered? sure, but then i'd repair my psyche just long enough to set myself up for another blackout binge.

I think it all came down to consequences, humility and whatever version of "bottom" i needed to hit. which i did. and i'm glad.

I'm grateful to know that i never have to drink again, even when i want to! and frankly, today i wanted to drink, it's getting harder....which tells me i know i am doing the right thing.

so so grateful to be sober today and know i do not have to have post-binge-blackout shame as long as i stay sober! kind of exciting even though it's hardly a cinch.

sorry to write so much.

gravity

Most people I know in AA were binge drinkers so it's common in alcoholics. Alcoholism is progressive. Over time, my Friday night blackout binges turned into 3 day binges on a regular basis. Drunk/hungover/obsessing about the next time pretty much summed up my mental state. I broke the cycle/downward spiral in December 2007 - AA, counselling, spirituality. I have my life back!

Alva

First day here and I'm going through a lot of the forum postings. Yours strikes a bell, I'm 44 and have been a frequent binge drinker for close to 30 years. It was acceptable when I was younger, most of my friends were the same way. When my kids were young I stopped drinking for the most part due to the obvious responsibilities. Once they hit their teens I picked right up where I left it off and am now about 10 years of weekend drinking. I am quite happy to drink alone or with others and will go until 4:00 in the morning. It's affecting my relationship with my fiance and I am making the decision to quit. In the past it has been her telling me I have a problem (which I obviously do) and I have tried with very limited success.
This SR group looks like it is going to be a big help, it's funny because when I am a few drinks in I'll talk to people on Facebook that I barely know like they are my best friends but I would probably never communicate with if I was sober. I am looking forward to posting on here sober and avoiding FB like the plague.

Seems like reading though peoples experiences on here and taking advice can help us all. My best to you.