OorWullie

Hi, I'm new and looking for help to stop drinking. I'm 44 years old and I've been binge drinking since I was 14. I find it very difficult to go more than a week without getting extremely drunk and I know that I am damaging my health. Until recently, getting blinding drunk seemed normal as many of my friends also do this on a regular basis. Sometimes I feel in control and can have just a couple of beers and leave the pub, but regularly I get so drunk that I can barely recall events if at anything at all.

This has worried me greatly for a couple of years now and I did go to an AA meeting some time ago but never went back as the pseudo-religious aspect freaked me slightly.

I've always considered myself a 'hard drinker' but unsure whether I am an alcoholic. I work for myself and have a good career with a job I love but over the years drink has cause me a lot of problems.

I've been sober since last Wednesday and I want to stay this way but it is a struggle because alcohol has been such a massive part of my life.

I need people to speak to.

caughthiminject

I'm not a drinker - my ex is an alcoholic. He drinks like you. Most of the time he can do 6-12 beers a day and it's only once in a while he goes to 30 all night long and vomiting blood the next day, blackout, etc. I forgave and forgave until he injected speed. Then I left. But in my heart I know the problem was already there with the beer. We could never enjoy a night out together because I always had to babysit him and drive him. I had to suffer his hangover personality the next day. I wanted to curl up and die every time he pulled another beer from the fridge. So I congratulate you for making a change in your life before you hurt someone the way I am hurting now. I lost my best friend and my love to his addiction. There's just so much more to life. You're lucky that you see that now and are making that change. Stick to AA.

ttbp

Hi and welcome

You said drinking has caused you a lot of problems. So you have a problem. Don't get in to labels at the moment, stick around and have a read. Look for the similarities in posts, not the difference

Well done on being sober for a week

You say you need people to speak to and you tried AA. Please consider trying it again, keeping an open mind and looking at the religious side as god 'as you understand him/her/it'

For me, it's more about my 'higher power' and I see that, at the moment as other recovering alcoholics/addicts

I'm new to recovery too, I only have 89 days but I'm trying to take one day at a time, get to plenty of meetings and concentrating on not picking up a drink

Good luck xx

Dee74

Hi OorWillie

Drinking was a massive part of my life too - and had been for twenty years.
I had no idea of how to live sober, or be sober....

But I found a lot of support advice and encouragement here Willie - and I know you will too

The folks here really helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too

D

MesoFreak

I am right there with you bud, but at the same time I don't... its weird I know. I want to stop binging, but I don't want to stop my casual drinking. I am not sure I am strong enough for it. But I wont know unless I try to control it one last time. If I fail I have said I will give it up for good.

instant

I found it helps to do a pros and cons of drinking. Trying to make it as detailed as possible. I have tried the other option of moderation that has pros and cons as well. In end I could not sustain moderation and it had far too many drawbacks anyway. Sobreity has it's pros and cons. If you have never been sober for any lenght of time it hard to develp a realistic idea of what is involved (pros and cons).

The addicted part of me would whine

• what will I do to relax?
• How will I cope?
• I don't want to miss out etc etc etc

Being sober has proved to me that the benefits of sobriety far outweigh any drawbacks. In any event drinking the way I had been was unsustainable.

Hope it works out well for you.

saphira

I agree with ttbp... labels really don't help at this point. If you have a problem, then taking alcohol out of the equation is a smart move. Good for you for realizing that!! I didn't drink for as many years as you, but it was still a huge part of my life. Someone else recently posted about feeling like quitting alcohol was like saying goodbye to a best friend. That really is how it felt for me. It's a loss, and it's something I had to grieve. Life is much better without it though... that's for sure.

artsoul

Welcome OorWullie -

I'm glad you found this forum..... None of us can do this on our own, or we would have stopped a long time ago. I had a hard time calling myself an alcoholic, too, but I knew I wasn't capable of being a social drinker. My history with drinking proved that.

I couldn't imagine a life without alcohol when I first got here. Now I realize that giving it up was the best thing I ever did.

lilotto

MesoFreak, Sorry to hear of the demon you face and that is you. How many more one times are you going to do before you get honest with yourself. It seems obvious that you suffer from alcoholism and are living in serious denial about this issue in your life. Get real before something serious happens.

Dee74

Welcome to SR lilotto

Glad to have you with us - I'm looking forward to hearing more of your personal story of recovery

D

Hevyn

Hi OorWullie. I hope you'll find belonging to SR makes a huge difference in your life. I drank for decades and never thought I could learn to live without it. When I came here and saw all the encouragement and caring I knew I could make it. Before that, I felt so alone. No one in my life understood what I was going through.

You've done a very hard thing - admitted your addiction. Some never reach that point, and die still trying to moderate or control their drinking. For me, it was stop or die. I was a longterm drinker, like you. As they say, it's a progressive disease. In the end, I coudn't make a move without it. It's wonderful to be free - and you will be too.

2manyBobs

I found motivation to quit after realizing that I was playing with fire. For at least two years now I've been concerned and trying off and on to drink less, but the fact is I drink more now than ever before. If I'm drinking more while trying to drink less, where will I be in 5 more years? I'm already seeing more problems and feel more hooked than I ever was before, and I'm really afraid that I won't be able to control things soon and my life will become some kind of nightmare. So I am finally seeing that yes I really do have a drinking problem and I better quit ASAP while I still can. I am perfectly happy not to drink--I wasn't into partying or bar-hopping or anything---I always just drank at home and this alcoholism just seemed to creep up on me over a long decade. I was never afraid of alcohol; I felt it was just a fun beverage and liked it to relax. So I never had any concerns about having as many glasses as I wanted for years. Until now... once it really, really hit me that alcohol has me in its grip, I got scared and now I have quit for 9 days.The downward progression became very clear to me.

OorWullie

Thanks for all your messages. I felt really great yesterday after six days without alcohol but last night I drank a bottle of wine at my Mum's. I had no intention of drinking but as soon as I got there I said yes to a glass and that was that, so I don't feel good about myself today. Now the weekend is approaching, so I'm trying to think of things to do keep myself busy and out of the pub. I've been invited to a barbie and I know that If I go I'll end up hammered. I really want to stay sober.

eddie73

Hi there.

An alcoholic has to give him or herself 100% to the program of recovery. There is no grey area.

I am keeping a journal and have been for some time. It helps me get a bit of perspective on really bad days, and having relapsed recently, I can compare the doom in my head now with better times. It is a reminder that this too will pass.

I think you know that you have to stop totally as the consequences if you dont are unthinkable. Good luck

OorWullie

That's an idea I'll take on board Eddie as half my life seems to be post-drinking misery. The most difficult part is that once I'm feeling good I convince myself that I don';t have a problem and that my habits are normal and then I go out again and drink heavily and feel crap for 4/5 days.
Another problem is that I live on my own and work from home so I often get stir crazy and feel the need to go to the pub for company. I'm also a bit shy so I often drink in the house first before I go out. A lot of my friends are binge drinkers as well and I havent told them about my fears. Alcohol has always been a massive part of my life.

mac3911

Oor Wullie - Love your username - from a fellow Scot!
Will reply tomorrow as i am just off now but wanted to day hello.

stuartp

Oor Wullie . . .

I completely agee with Eddie here. For me, I struggled for so long with controlling my drinking. One morning, I realized that for me, there was no controlling it. I had to STOP completely. And, I could NOT do it on my own. I needed others to support me.

So glad you have come here. It's definitely one place to get support. I'd suggest try AA again, or a different meeting. And go there to speak to other people, don't get caught up in the God/Higher Power thing at this point. Just get some support to stop drinking.

Keep posting on here! Really good to see you around.

AndreTT

Im not an alcoholic who has to pick up a drink every morning but my binges were such a huge part of my life too. Good part of the time I wasnt drinking I was expecting the next drinking. It's being difficult to stop.