endlesspatience

I will try to keep the story as clear as possible. I made a proper committment to recovery earlier this year and I managed three and a half months sober. Then I began to drink again. Not much at first and it didn't seem to have much in the way of negative consequences. But for the past two weeks the drinking has been progressing. I have stopped contacting my sponsor, stopped going to meetings and stopped seeing my therapist.

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and I know that I should not miss this. But I have built up such a negative attitude and such a lot of fear that I just want to isolate.

I know it's going to take a while for me to snap out of this negative state of mind. But for the time being, I somehow need to find the strength to at least stay sober until tomorrow when I go to talk things through with the therapist and try to find a way to reach back out to my sponsor and members of AA.

I thought I'd post here as a first step. I am sober now and have been for 48 hours.

least

You aren't failing if you're still trying. Don't give up until you 'get it'. It's worth it.

bellakeller

Sometimes when I get mired in the maelstrom that is my addiction I just force myself to do the opposite of what I feel like doing and things start to get better. I know when I am in that bad place I tend to let bad feelings and thoughts live rent-free on my turf and sometimes I am not too skilled at getting past them by myself. That's when I call my peeps and hit a meeting. My best thinking when I am messed up is just not that great. I cannot rely on it. So I ask for and accept help though it's sometimes the last thing I feel like doing.

I am glad you're here.

Much love.

endlesspatience

Thank you so much for these two swift and helpful replies. You're quite right. My thinking has become distorted because of my addiction. It's taken me ages to get to this point of clarity and see that there really are other choices open to me.

MycoolFitz

Thanks for the post, sorry for the relapse but it takes courage to face up to it and put it in writing on SR, believe me I know. And those three and a half months sober aren't wasted and can serve as fertile ground to grow grom. My best to you.

Dee74

Welcome back EP

I can;t stress strongly enough that when I feel like doing nothing and isolating is the time I need to light a fire under myself and do something - right away.

See you therapist for sure...but if AA was working for you, I hope you'll also consider going back to meetings and hooking up with your sponsor.

Action really is the key EP, IMO.

Don't stint on it - you're worth the effort

D

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Yes, you're so right that drinking distorts our thinking so much. I found myself totally isolated by the time I had stopped drinking. Good for you for 48 sober hours!

The main thing is to take some action. Go to see your therapist, read online here, exercise, read a book on spirituality, call someone, journal. I have found that each positive action has a ripple effect, as does each negative action.

Hevyn

Hello endless - I'm so glad you came here to discuss this. I did the same thing you did many times before I finally got it right. Sharing here helped take the sting out of my struggles. We all understand just how you feel.

I had several false starts, but I learned something each time. In my heart I knew what had to be done, but needed some extra convincing, I guess. Congratulations on managing to stay sober for 48 hours during this confusing time. I know you can get back your enthusiasm and do an even better job of getting well, after this setback. You can do this!

LaFemme

You said it best...your thinking has been distorted by your drinking. You did 3.5 months so you know you can do it. Keep posting here and reach out for help.

Xoxo

EmeraldRose

You had a taste of sobriety...get back on track. You will be so much happier rather than feeling distorted & isolated. Get into action.

Wishing you peace and strength.

Peter G

Would like to reinforce what others have said here. When I start to isolate myself I know what the end result will be... me loaded. So when those feelings and emotions do come I literally jump up and put one foot in front of the other, repeating a phrase my army friends often say... "you don't gotta like it, you just gotta do it". Sometimes you just have to get out of your own head, even if it doesn't feel good to do so immediately. The action of interrupting isolating behavior builds momentum on it's own, and inevitably you end up right back in the mix, happy as hell that you lit the fire under your a$$ in the first place.

Sometimes I even use those feelings as a gauge, as hints of my well being. When I start to feel like backing away and isolating, I know it will lead to complacency, so it sets off alarm bells in my brain - telling me to jump up, drop whatever it is I'm doing and re-assert my recovery efforts.

endlesspatience

Thank you all so much for your supportive replies. I did in fact make it through to meet my therapist at the appointed time today and we had a positive conversation about my situation. I really needed to reach out to you guys when I posted a couple of days ago. Looking back, it hardly seems like the same me as the one who's typing now but of course that's the nature of this disease - a distorted sense of self.