BrokenChains

Hi Friends,

I have 17 days sober today, but today I am really depressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, and all kinds of negative emotions.

I have been actively looking for a job. I have job applications in all over the place, and I've been pounding the pavement going into the stores to speak with managers. I've been calling and trying to get even an interview.

I can't find a job. I'm really stressed out. I'm down to my last dollars and I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills.

I had gotten so deep in my drinking that I lost my job last month because I had gotten so sick from alcohol withdrawals that I kept having to go to the hospital and missed many days of work so they filled my position at work with someone who could be there. I am so heartbroken.

I am really hurting.

I went to a meeting earlier today but my head is really screaming at me big time.

I'm just feeling so low and depressed and I feel like things are never going to get better. I'm in so deep of a hole that I don't know how to find the way out.

For anyone who prays, please pray that I can find a job.

I have to talk to my roommate tonight and my roommate is going to be upset when I tell him that I can't pay the cable bill this month. But I took all the money I had to pay the rent. Rent is more important than cable.

But my roommate needs the internet for school, so it's more of a necessity for my roommate than for me. I walk to the library to use the internet because for some reason we never got the internet working on my computer. So my roommate is going to be really upset. I am dreading this conversation tonight...

I just feel like drinking. I am so overwhelmed.

LoftyIdeals

Hey, BC...I get where you are at, but how would drinking help? I can't think of a way. Stay strong. You have 17 days! Great! So there is no cable; maybe you can call the cable company and get them to give you some slack for a week or two. How will your roommate feel if you tell him the cable bill can't be paid, but you had enough $$ for alcohol? I can't think that would go well.

I do pray, and you have my prayers...already sent.

I hope you find an income source soon. I know how you feel; I haven't earned this year either.

Peace. Thanks for your post. Stay sober!

Sunnym

I feel sorry about your situation, most of us been there but trust me things will get better by staying sober, drinkink will just make matters worst. go to as many meetings as you can and talk to other members, somebody might be able to help with a job!

least

I really hope you don't drink. Drinking won't make anything better, only worse, and it certainly won't put money in your pocket. The more you get thru tough situations without resorting to alcohol, the less you'll want to drink over situations like that.

I used to ask myself two questions when I got the urge to drink: one; will it make the situation better? and two; do I really want to wake up tomorrow feeling like hell? I never had to ask the second question...

BrokenChains

Thanks so much for the responses! I feel better already. That would be bad if I told my roommate I couldn't pay the cable bill but was drunk. That would make for an even worse situation. I'm going to stay sober today. The only bad thing I did today was go to Starbucks and get a Cappuccino for $5.25. I can't afford to be doing that. However, it helped take the edge off of my alcohol craving. But I've gotten another bad habit. I've been getting one cappuccino a day from Starbucks for about 2 weeks and I feel bad because I could have used that money on the cable bill. But these early days of being sober have been rough so that was like my little treat to myself since I quit drinking. But, I have to cut it out. Because now I'm totally broke. As in no money even for food. I got myself into this bad position. But, I can't change the past. I can't only move forward. Being sober is better than getting wasted.

At least I don't have to worry about waking up with a hangover.

Hevyn

BrokenChains - I'm late in responding, but I'm so glad you got over that hurdle. It's so true that alcohol is just a temporary fix & then we're even more miserable after it wears off.

I'll be praying for you to find another job. So happy you didn't drink.

simplex

I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about the money spent on coffee (though since you already said you went to a meeting, keep in mind they have all of the free coffee you can want ) You're doing A LOT for yourself by staying sober. That's priority number 1.

A guy in my group who has 14 years always tells me, "The best way to make any problem in the world a thousand times worse, is to pour some alcohol on it." I find this helpful to keep in mind.

Things will get better! I'm not awesome at praying but I'll throw you in the mix tonight! Best of luck to you!

BrokenChains

Oops, I meant to say frappuccino. I've been getting one Caramel Frappuccino every day. That's better than alcohol. I think the Caramel Frappuccino habit replaced my alcohol habit. It's the major thing I've been looking forward to in my day. I order the big one and drink that and I'm good for a while. Then, I do what I have to get done in my day and then by the evening, I'm craving junk food and I now have a ravenous appetite since I quit drinking. I think my body is screwed up and very out of sorts.

I will be glad when my mind and body are healed. I'm seeing very slow progress in terms of healing. I am going to stay on the sobriety journey and see what awaits me in the future.

Dee74

I'm glad you didn't drink BC - that only makes a bad situation so much more worse.

Don't give up on the job front - two of my friends right here at SR have started, or are starting new jobs right now

D

BrokenChains

It's almost 8 PM here. So I think I can safely say I made it through another day sober. I am still feeling down. And, I still have to have that talk with the roommate. However, I won't drink tonight. I feel worn out from the daily battle today though. I just want to get some dinner and go to sleep. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

-Broken

CaiHong

Broken Chains,
good job on not picking up that drink. Keep up the meetings. I am not used to praying but I can visualize you, going to meetings, getting sober, happier, being offered a great job, shouting friends to frappacinnos, even the internet connection working properly.

Take care
All the best
CaiHong

BrokenChains

Reading that post today made me smile. I'm feeling better today. I woke up this morning and I was SO glad that I didn't drink yesterday. I feel so much better today. My morning started off well. I got a call with some information on how to get help with food. So that was great news. At least I won't starve! I was thankful for that.

I just feel better today overall. I'm not as tired today as I have been over the past couple of weeks. Slight improvement. I have 18 days sober today. My sobriety date is August 19, 2011. I am glad to be sober today. When I went outside today, even the sun seemed a little brighter. I think the cloud of darkness lifted a little bit. I didn't feel as depressed today as the last few weeks.

Then, I read P. 83-87 in the Big Book before I left home to begin my day.

Spent my last $5 in my pocket on a Frappuccino. That was bad. I have to cut that out and make it a once a week or once a month treat. Actually, until I find a job, I better make it once a month. I have bills to pay afterall.

At least I'm not drinking. GLAD TO BE SOBER!

artsoul

I'm so proud of you! Things always look a little brighter in the morning, (especially when it's hangover-free).

I know it's hard to be positive right now - I had some huge financial problems after getting sober and it was really stressful. When it got really bad one day, I read a post here about gratitude and I started thinking about the things that were actually positive in my life. I had a roof over my head (at least for that day), enough to eat..... I wasn't in the hospital, my children were doing OK. I thought about all the people in the world who couldn't say that.

The great thing about sobriety is that, when something good comes our way, we can be ready for it. I even find now that ideas will come to me that will improve my life - that never happened when I was drinking.

Keep up the good work, Broken - you're doing GREAT!

LoftyIdeals

Good call on the frap. I don't even call it Starbucks anymore; rather, it's Fourbucks. I've found that you can make as good a cup at home for fractions...much less than a dollar.