simplex

Hello,

I'll have 90 days on September 11th. I've always been weird about hitting these milestones. It's like I don't really want to acknowledge that it that it's meaningful to me. I forget the early struggles of quitting, and I forget the people around me who have helped me. I also forget that I've made positive choices for myself during this time to stay in recovery. I just wanted to say that deep down I am proud of me for it and for all of those that are in recovery, and also to share what I hope is the beginning of a shift in attitude.

I was in a meeting tonight where there was talk of the selfish nature of the alcoholic. Acting egotistical, openly selfish etc. but what stuck out to me was the flip side of it. The being generous, nice, and caring but for ultimately selfish motives. This got me to thinking about how I've been feeling for a while.

I've been in a rut since my relapse started, and ended, and throughout most of my new recovery. Hearing what I did tonight though, I've realized that a lot of it is me mentally sitting in my own self pity about life. I've stayed there because it is safe, and it's comfortable for me. But, I'm slowly learning it's selfish to those around me who care for me. More importantly I'm only hurting myself by continuing to live in this attitude.

Sitting in this frame of mind, I miss out on all of the benefits my sobriety is bringing me. The clarity of mind, the lessening of anxieties, increased hope for the future, no gaps in my memory (short term memory still shaky hah) no hangovers, just to name a few.

I guess the point of this is that for me, each day that I add to my sobriety, I'm able to feel more and more emotions of happiness and well being. These feelings aren't comfortable for me, but I want to experience a whole life. The good and the bad. So for today I'm thankful for my recovery because I'm moving forward and growing in a positive way.

Dee74

sounds like true growth to me simplex - congratulations on your upcoming 90

D

bigguyslimm

Congrats to you. My 90 day mark is on the 12th of this month. Have you had to deal with a lot of anxiety?

SomethingBetter

I can relate to what you said, thanks...

Congrats on the upcoming 90 days!

davidmeredith99

this is awesome, keep coming back

simplex

Yeah I've had a good deal of anxiety and depression. A lot of my anxiety stemmed from the loss of a romantic relationship coinciding with my starting recovery again. I tend to want to blame a lot of stuff on that, and other situations beyond my control. I'm trying to learn to let go of things I can't change.

I talked with this guy after the meeting last night. He has a few years sober and is very down to Earth. He was talking about how when he has anxieties or depression he wants to get down to the root cause of it to try and fix it, or make it go away, which just makes it worse. We had a good laugh about just waking up pissed off and going through our day mad at the world, if only we could stop acting such a way things would be looking up!

He pointed out that the reality of it is that a lot of times it's a bunch of small problems or resentments, that have built up over time and snowball in our minds. That when he just lets the little things go, the overall picture gets a lot better. It makes a lot of sense to me. Letting go is huge for me right now to deal with anxieties. Though my thoughts seem to be like a boomerang concerning the past. I think I give them away then 30 minutes later they come back and pop me in the head

Thanks for the well wishes all!

Oh and Dee I really enjoy your signature quote. I try and keep it in mind throughout the day

miko67

hey my comps workin, iv done just over 90 days and i undertstand you mate. not been on here in while. glad to be back
keep up the good work!!

least

Congrats on three months sober!

checkmate1

3 months is great and it keeps getting better, the anxiety too.