Newtosoberlivin

I called a woman from my home group this morning to ask if she would be my sponsor, even temporarily) and asked her to give me a call back. That was nearly eight hours ago, not even a call back yet, and it is discouraging. This woman just said yesterday (at a speaker's meeting, I know her from my home group and she is one of the folks that raises her hand every meeting indicating she is available for extra help for anyone including finding a sponsor and I would imagine, being a sponsor, even a temporary one) she encourages anyone to pick up the phone if they are having a hard time or need help. Now I am trying no t to jump to conclusions here, it's very possible she is out/away this weekend being the long weeked. I am still bummed though. She doesn't strike me as the type that doesn't get right back to you. Now I dont know the proper etiquette for asking one to be your sponsor, this part is brand new to me. (that is what I did wrong every other time, I never had a sponsor or asked for one, and never worked the AA steps either).

I picked my daughter up from her dad's today and we went to the beach (not to swim) but to play arcade games and grab some slices of pizza and had a really fun time. There was a man there (about my age) who saw me playing a shooting game (Terminator 2 I believe) and asked if he could partner with me and we played quite a few games of it in a row (he was there with his son). We introduced ourselves, chatted a bit and he gave me his phone number (which I let him do, and he seems old-fashioned a bit shy but very nice). I know which way to go on this, which is nowhere (he doesn't have my number). I know I cannot have any relationship with anyone for at least a year (to get my mind and lifestyle totally in order) BUT to be honest, it ticks me off a lot. Maybe it's just the "I want to call him and why shouldn't I be able to?" whiny child inside of me, but I was close to tears driving home with this knowledge and frustration. I imagine I am remembering being a child and being told "no" after asking for something. I've been single and out of a relationship for close to two years, it gets lonely sometimes.

This post is half-rant and half a request for advice. Has anyone else experienced anything like this and how did you handle it?

Thanks in advance, sorry this is long.

susanlauren

It is a holiday weekend -- Labor Day. Lots of people are traveling, attending family gatherings, picnics, community events and so forth. I would give her a couple of days to respond. People do not necessarily answer us on our timetable. It is too early to become discouraged and if she doesn't respond, then find someone else.

As for relationships, there is no set in stone rule about "one year of sobriety first" although this is common advice in AA. That being said, it is best to get healthy yourself first before you invite another person into your life. If you do not have solid recovery and you get into a relationship, you are risking a relapse back into drinking.

One thing at a time. My advice is to focus on yourself and your recovery first. Susan

Dee74

Hi new

like you say it is a long weekend there - I'd be inclined to cut this person some slack.

As for the man - I know the drive to want to be with someone - I think it's a natural desire when we're going through the upheaval we all go through in early recovery...

But I'm glad I waited and worked on myself first...I think getting to really know myself and learning to be comfortable in my own company really helped my recovery....I also think it would have been really easy to derail had I bought someone in too soon.

And when I was ready to let someone else into my life? I think the time I spent alone has helped me to be a better partner...

so my advice, given all that, is try and focus on your recovery for now- you'll be glad you did, I think

D

Anna

Hi,

I hope the person gets back to you soon.

I don't think anything is set in stone. For example, I moved to a new city the week that I stopped drinking. I moved for my husband's job to a place where English was not the first language and I had no job. And, it worked for me. However, I know for me, that recovery had to be a priority and I wouldn't have been able to handle the emotions of a new relationship.