galli

Hey everyone. Im newly sober again. The longest I was sober for was 2 1/2 years. I never thought that I would drink again, but I did. I would drink and a few months would go by of things getting horrible again so I would quit, then start again, this happened over 10 times until the last few times things got the worst, because through all that time even though I started drinking again I didnt get back into the drugs. I managed to stay off the drugs for 4 years. Until this last month. I got very drunk and wasnt making the proper decisions and went back to certain drugs on 3 different occasions. I hate myself for this, I am depressed. I woke up on the 2nd and realized this isnt the life for me (but ive done that before). The major problem for me is I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Im on medication but after some time goes by I want to self medicate with alcohol. I just want to be sober so bad. I just dont want to drink again...ever again....but thats what I said everytime, then a few weeks would go by and that would change. I read a quote that said, becoming sober is easy...stayin sober is the hard part. Man is that ever true. Thing is this time, I WANT to stay sober. So I have signed up on this site and I hope for some help, people to talk to, maybe some advice. Right now its only been 2 days so Im still in this depressed state with off and on panic attacks and self hate. I dont know what else to say so I am going to end it with that for now. Thanks for reading!!

Gallagher

ButterflyMan

Welcome.

First off, 2 1/2 years should be congratulated. Despite your relapse, you know you are capable of doing this. Best advice, especially with you being on medication would be to speak to your doctor and be honest with them.

Loads of advice and support available here so please stick around.

galli

Thanks. If my doctor understood anything I ever said I think I would be very honest with him. Finding a new doctor is something I need to look into.

Anna

Hi Galli,

Welcome!

I'm glad you found us.

I know it's hard to live with anxiety and panic attacks and many of us end up self-medicating. Don't let the negative feelings from what you've done stop you from getting better. There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.

lushly

galli welcome. Will you go to any lengths to get "it"? If so what is the next indicated thing to do. It can be as simple as clearing your mind of anxiety and self hate for a few moments in quite meditation, or calling a setting up and appointment with a counselor. I hope that you find your recovery path. The first few days are awful. Please let someone know you are detoxing in case there is trouble. (())s the lush

CarolD

Did you use either AA or NA in your previous sober time?
Those might be a good idea for your fresh start...

Welcome...

Dee74

Welcome to SR Galli

D

galli

Thank you for the messages. The 1st real time that I feel I quit, the 2 1/2 years time I just did it on my own without AA. This time though I think I should go to AA meetings to help. Finding one around my area is where I will have to start. Everything seems like such a huge step. Leaving my apartment is hard enough right now for some reason.

ACT10Npack

Hey galli, congre with your 2 and half year sobriety. The longest I have understand my belt is 3 months. So keep on working on yourself and get out there life will get better. It always does.

least

Welcome to the family. The support here is incredible - it's helped me get to 21 months sober and I know we can help you too. Glad you found us. This is the best recovery site everywhere.

galli

I should say was hard enough to leave. I came to my parents for a couple days just to be out of my apartment. I do not look forward to going back their to clean up the mess from a couple days ago. I feel like I just want to be locked in a room and have all that stuff dealt with for me I know I cant so it will be a few big steps on my part. The cleaning of my apartment, the location of AA meetings, and finding a new doctor to start...

Hevyn

Welcome Galli. I'm so glad you joined. You're not alone with this anymore.

I once had 3 yrs. & went back out. I crashed & burned really badly the last time. That's when I found SR. I got such a wonderful welcome here that it calmed me down & gave me the courage to quit. I know you can do it, too. We're glad you're here.

galli

Thank you all

artsoul

Welcome galli and congrats on your 2 days!

Try not to get too overwhelmed with all the stuff you have to do. All you need to do right now is to focus on being sober. The rest of it will fall into place. When I first got sober, I tackled a lot by taking baby steps. I'd promise myself I'd make a phone call, spend ten minutes cleaning, take a shower..... stuff like that. Just whatever I knew I could handle for the day.

I'm glad you're here and hope you keep reading/posting - it's helped me immensely.