FHB1

Hello All, I figured I'd post here because it helps me to write down my feelings. Well, I have 23 days sober today and I am a bit depressed. I feel like may have "dry drunk syndrome" - like I am not able to get to the root of what was causing me to drink - and I'm bummed out because all I think about all day long is drinking. I try to focus on all of the bad things that drinking has brought to my life, but at the same time I cannot help but think about all of the fun times I had while drinking. I'm 41 now and have been drinking since I was 14, but it has only in the past few years that I noticed my drinking getting worse. Drinking has played such a role in my life, it is almost like it's a part of my personality. I guess I just don't know what to do with myself without the drink. I hope I can get over this - believe me, I'm trying like hell to. I went to an AA meeting this morning and felt good afterward. I also went on a 20 mile bicycle ride and felt great about that too. I just don't know why my moods are so up and down. One minute I feel great and the next I am depressed. Perhaps I am a bit manic depressive. I don't know...

mrmiller

celebrate the 23 days its a great achievement

Hevyn

FHB - I know exactly what you mean. Drinking was part of everything I did for most of my life. When I had to stop, there was a definite grieving process. I didn't have my 'friend' to fall back on, to comfort me when I was upset. I needed to learn to experience life without being numb or foggy, & it was difficult at first.

I found that those feelings of emptiness, & 'something's missing' do fade as we go along. It's early days for you, be patient with yourself. You're doing great by getting out there and exercising (20 miles!) and not sitting around filled with self-pity. I obsessed over the fact that I wasn't drinking for the first couple months. We normally don't stay stuck there, & usually do get over focusing on it all the time. One day you'll realize you no longer have drinking on your mind. (If you do suspect you're suffering from depression I hope you'll see your doctor about it.)

Congratulations on your 23 days! That's the good news!

Dee74

Hi FHB

not to put you off but my emotional roller coaster pretty much lasted 90 days - I think what you're feeling is completely understandable and very common.

Drinking was a large part of my life for 20 years - I think it's a big ask to expect we can turn things around completely in 20 days...I certainly couldn't.

I think it's also a big ask to find the answers to big questions right off...I wanted everything now...but I found recovery is a journey...the answers do come, but rarely when I wanted them to and never right away

Personally, while I think it's great you're aware of them and are looking for guidance, I don't think feelings like these are necessarily any negative reflection on your recovery

or...what Hevyn said LOL

D

FHB1

Thanks Dee - not put off at all. What you say makes perfect sense. I just have to stick with it. Thanks for your support - I feel better already

FHB1

Thank you too Hevyn and mrmiller! I am cooking a nice dinner tonight for my lovely wife minus the wine (at least for me) The depression is lifting!

least

Gotta say I love your avatar!


You cook? Your wife is lucky.

Give yourself more time to 'smooth out'. It will get better but it can be rough for a while. As long as you don't drink it should get better. IF it doesn't, see your doctor.

FHB1

Thanks for the advice Least and I am glad you like my avatar! The painting makes me feel calm and serene, so I figured I would use it for my avatar. I hope the artist doesn't mind. I must say that I've been intrigued by your avatar too!

Anyway, if the ups and downs don't even out in a month or so, I'll be sure to see a doctor about it. I think I just needed to vent today. Thanks again!

sugarbear1

Drinking makes your body feel euphoric. What goes up, unnaturally for a long time must eventually go down. Yes, detoxing can make you feel bipolar, one day up, another down. 23 days is a drop in the bucket. You can stay stopped! Don't call yourself bipolar, those are feelings. You are more than your feelings. Feelings change. Let your body get normal. It didn't take 23 days to get you as drunk as you were, give time time. Way to go on 23 days!!!!

Get a program of recovery and work on your personal growth. AA speakers online help me. Take a listen, you won't feel alone.

JimE

Hi FHB1, just wanna echo what others have said, way to go on 23 days! That rollercoaster ride of emotions had me going too that first month or so. Geeze, you cook? I'm jealous. :-) I can heat up a mean can of ravioli.

Manz

Hey FHB,

Just wanted to chime in and say^^^^^ what they said. LOL. It was all up and down for me emotionally for the first couple of months or so...but it does get better.

You seem to be doing all the right things, so keep on going on that road.....and remember to enjoy every day the wonderful, small, things you get to do each day....and appreciate them, because you are sober.

Msober

When you say "like I am not able to get to the root of what was causing me to drink", it makes me think of the book: "Under the Influence", which I read recently. The author presents the disease model of alcoholism quite well in a scientific fashion. When I ask myself the same question, my answer is: I have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. I cannot motivate my underlying biological flaw to change. It will always be with me, and therefore my body cannot tolerate alcohol ever, not even in the smallest amounts. We react so differently to alcohol than normal drinkers do. Of course, this doesn't immediately take away cravings, anxiety, depression--those are mostly caused by our alcoholism and years of abuse. Those psychological stresses are the result of alcoholism, and not the cause of it. They should fade with time and abstinence.

I hope this helps. For me personally, looking at this in a scientific manner and studying the underlying pathophysiology has helped me to gain a little insight.

Msober

ACT10Npack

Do you think she should go to a therapist? A lot of times the up and down is someone imbalance in the body and seeing a therapist and the right meds will help her with it.

HuskyPup

I think seeing a therapist is a good idea, especially after one has become sober. Often people might have suffered anxiety or depression before they drank, then covered it up or made it worse with drink. Just going and talking things over can be a big help; meds are something to consider, but there is nothing to say one has to rush into the situation. My advice is to see a few specialists, and then ponder over their advice, and go from there...while continuing not to drink

Oh, and congratulations on all those days!

simplex

Congratulations FHB1!! Keep it up! The first weeks are tough but for me it got better all around (mentally and physically)

This book looks interesting to me! I've somewhat recently found out the large number of alcoholics that exist on both sides of my family. I've always been curious about the genetic disposition. I've also felt, though it's fading now that I'm working on myself FOR myself, that I have to defend my position on being an alcoholic to people that feel it is somehow based on moral ineptitude, or lack of willpower.

Thanks for recommending the book!

And congrats again FH!

EmeraldRose

Congratulations on the sober time.
I think we all can relate to the feeling of being ripped in two, wanting to drink and wanting to remain sober. For me, I asked myself what did I want more. I 'knew' what happened when I drank. I knew I'd lose another job. I knew my family would never come together. But what I didn't know was that the life I've been living sober is so much more surreal. Work is great, my daughter has become my friend, I can function all day without 'a break', life is good and I'll be damned if I'm going to risk my newfound freedom.
Keep it up, keep going...it's early for you yet. It does get easier and better. Really.

Ever see that commercial for Cheerios where the little girl goes around the house saying "That's for babies". I laugh out loud everytime because that is my exact thought on drinking.