Dee74

I was deathly afraid of this, Biza.

In fact what happened is I didn't lose myself at all - I found myself...an older me, a real me, I'd forgotten existed.

One of the most insidious things alcohol did for me was convince me that my drinking defined me...that the drinking me was the genuine article

None of that was true - i lost a lot of things from myself and my life over the 20 years I drank - I'm so glad to be the real me again

D

Biza

I would love to come to a real meeting, but I am out of the country and not in a position I can reach out at this time. When I get back to the states I will absolutely go to one. The online was alright - I didnt get the one on one feeling of friends there. Everyone was nice but I can see the advantages to having interactions with people physically present. I will be in and out of the states over the next few years. So I guess its online meetings for me for awhile.

The things is I am friends with and hang out with and work with these people who drink so much. Its going to be a hard thing to separate from but I think for my health less is more, if you know what I mean.

Least - I love that. I will express gratitude for my blessings. I really have many of them. If I fail I will lose them so failure is not an option.

Dee- Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I needed to hear that. You seem wonderful. So that gives me hope that I will also be able to be wonderful once I heal.

Terminally Unique

Well said. This is how I view recovery as well, as a return to the authentic self. We did exist, and live, prior to going down the rabbit hole, after all.

EmeraldRose

Ok, so you made a mistake. You are aware that it was wrong. You know what you want and where you want to be. Move forward.
Everyday for years I'd wake up saying...this is it. I'm not drinking today. But I didn't want it that badly and would use anything for an excuse to make a booze run. I didn't drink with friends I drank alone which can be worse because I can't stop being with me. I could stop going out to be with friends. You have to make a decision on that until you feel strong enough to be in a social setting with booze.
I work in a store that sells booze. It is around me daily, I sell it, I touch it, I talk about it...but the big difference is now...I know I can't drink it.
Move on, Biza, tomorrow is another day and you will find yourself -the real you. You will like that you and wonder why you spent so much time worrying about it!

Itchy

AVRT sure did ask the right question. What are you doing to quit? So you were going it alone and mentioned that you have made the furthest this last time, which says there have been other failed attempts no? We all have been there. So you are adding something different this time. I knew that trying wasn't cutting it and I was desperate to quit. I finally asked myself why I thought that doing the same thing I did over and over would get different results. I did everything different the last time..I meant that as the last time WAS the LAST TIME.

Instead of trying alone I went to my Doc and told my family and got into a VA 7 day hospital detox program and let my friends and family know every step. I used counseling, rehab, and for the long term, face to face AA and here on SR. I enlisted everything I thought I'd never do, because if I failed I would be dead sooner than later. And then I added things I discovered as I went along.

Add different things than just what hasn't worked for you before.