cocoat

ive been drinking and using dugs since i was 12 and a few weeks ago i ended up in a detox center to get off alcohol (I'm 21 year old female 130lb had been drinking about 8-16 beers daily).

I've been out for a week and have no idea what to do with myself. I'm not physically withdrawing anymore but I feel scared to do anything,to see anyone. I've been staying at my friends house since I got out because I can't even deal with seeing my roommates or friends. Without the buffer of alcohol everything just seems unmanageable. I'm starting a new job next week thank god,but for now I just have nothing. I feel low-energy I get headaches I feel paranoid. I've only gone to two meetings since I got out because I just can't drag myself off the couch or out of bed. I was prescribed the anti-depressant celexa but stopped taking it two days ago because the side affects were driving me insane.

I thought everything would start getting better but I'm starting to feel discouraged. I just want benzos or something right now. or alcohol but I dont want to deal with another detox or **** up my new job. I'm also just agitated being this young and sober,seems unfair and boring.

blah blah blah whine whine idk

Sugah

cocoat, I went through what you describe several times over the course of my drinking career -- felt it right up to the time I said screw it and started again. I know what it feels like, and I also know that nothing changed for me until I did what I needed to do, whether I felt like doing it or not. I was 34 when I went to rehab the last time. I'd been drinking and using for 25 years at that point (Yes, I started even younger than you). I was scared to death, but I got a sponsor who kept it very simple for me. Her words, "do the next right thing," and "keep putting one foot in front of the other," became my mantras, and those two things, combined with the steps, have kept me sober for a good little while now.

Not wanting to do something or being afraid of doing something doesn't mean you can't do it.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

UofI2008

Welcome to SR you will find lots of support here. Many of us were in your shoes at one time and I am fairly young at 26. I know for me that life seemed boring sober until I was sober for a while. After a month or two sober I realized that a lot of the things I used to think were fun ONLY if I was buzzed was just not the case. A perfect example for me was concerts. I never would have imagined going to concerts sober until I did. After going I realized I could remember every song on the set list, felt fine the next day, and even woke up in a place I remembered going to sleep at.

I have relapsed since having around 4 months sober and I can tell you the reason I'm back trying again is not because life was "to boring" when I was sober.

sugarbear1

How long were you in detox? If it were only a week or two, why didn't they send you to rehab (30 to 90+ days)? there is so much information to learn and the time spent with those who understand is very important. Have you seen a psychiatrist? Maybe medication is needed. I know many young people who have obtained sobriety and have stayed sober. It can be done! You can stay stopped! Sobriety is a trip in itself! Your life can be more fabulous than mine ever was!!!!

twilli59

Cocoat, welcome. There is a solution. Reading your post shot my mind back to those days four years ago. I would give anything to have surrendered earlier. After rehab, I drank off and on for another 3 years and hit new lows. Lost my family, my house, my car, my job, my friends - everything. For an alcoholic of my type - booze and cocaine, then benzos and opiates while trying to stop drinking...I could not do it alone. Socializing was out of the question. Everything was out of the questions except tolerating the misery I was in and the fear that I would go insane sober. I had to plug into a recovery community - kicking and screaming. AA, AVRT, Smart or Rational Recovery...maybe there are others. AA was my route because my counselor begged me to go - and I eventually found my tribe. It was AMAZING! They knew what I was going to say before I said it. There are people just like you all around you that will help. An addiction counselor may be a place to start. But - if you're not done yet, all of that will look like BS - like it did to me! Hang in there.

Snakes37

Welcome to SR!


I'm a 23 year old Alcoholic and know how you feel when you say you don't know how to live/function without the sauce. When I stepped foot into AA I wanted to feel instantly cured after i stopped the insanity. Reality is that it takes time. It is uncomfortable as all hell at first in early sobriety for me because I was so used to living with alcohol being a major part of my life. Depression, Anxiety, Low-Energy, feelings of worthlessness, feelings of my life being over, hopelessness, FEAR aka scared to go anywhere, scared to leave my house, scared to answer the phone, scared to talk to anyone. I was so depressed about not being able to drink. It was like mourning the loss of my best friend. After 60+ days sober, I am by no means cured but it is getting easier to live life sober. The more you live in the solution the further you distance yourself from living in the problem. I wish you the best of luck, keep your chin up!

Snakes

Dee74

Welcome to SR cocoat

I can identify too - I drank and drugged for 20 years - the last few years of that daily...so when I quit...I was really lost confused and bewildered.

I'd never been straight for more than 2 months my whole adult life.

Support was the key for me. The people here at SR really helped me through and gave me support advice and encouragement as I learned to live sober and rebuild my life.

I hope we can do the same for you

D

djmnyc

I'm glad to read that you're still sober

Years of drinking alcohol has habituated your body to its presence and your brain will take some time to readjust itself and for you to feel normal again. However, the body is resilient, and the more time that you go without drinking, the easier it will get. Trust me, I've been there, too. It took me about six months until i felt "normal" again - not that I really remembered what "normal" meant after ten years of being drunk or hung over all the time!

Also, lots of problem drinkers drink to self-medicated and cover up underlying problems. You should seek help for those problems from a therapist or support group. There are other medications available too. The good news is, now that everything isn't covered up by alcohol use, you'll be able to really work through your true feelings and problems and find a lasting solution.

Anna

I can relate to what you're saying too. I had no idea how to live or what to do. Try to be patient with yourself. Set small goals and attempt to meet one or two of your goals each day, even if it's just to walk to the store to buy milk.

Good luck with your new job, and I hope you keep reading and posting.

cocoat

thanks guys-it is a relief to know that other people have experienced the same things and i'm not just incurably crazy. does anyone have any coping skills for stress or anxiety theyd like to share?

I'm going to a meeting tonight and I know most of the people are eager to be supportive but I'm not one to reach out for help or let on when I feel weak. I always feel like I can only rely on myself even though I know its not true Ive just been burned in the past and my low self esteem tells me I shouldnt bother other people with my problems because everyone has problems. Which is true to a degree but makes my recovery feel a little lonely. (even though I do have one person highly supportive and helpful to me,and my family is supportive from a distance my dad is in aa and very happy for me but they live in a different state.)

Dee74

Learning to reach out and accept help was pretty important to me, cocoat.
We're fighting for our lives here - use all the support you can get

You are worth it - and you'll always find support and back up here

D

vInDaLoO

Strange how we Do not like being the way we are made.

Hevyn

Hi cocoat - Add me to the list of those who can relate. I felt exactly the same. I was so used being numb & in a fog, reality seemed so harsh and impossible to cope with. It didn't stay that way for very long, though. Please give yourself chance to heal from all you've been through. Don't get discouraged. As you keep reading here, it does get better - we promise.

I was so glad when I found SR and no longer felt alone with my feelings. No one else understood what I was going through - but I reached out on here and was comforted by all the advice & caring.

I hope you'll feel better when you get busy with your new job. Keeping yourself occupied is key - and before you know it, you'll start to feel alive again. I'm glad you're here - you can do this!

recoverywfaith

to SR.

LaFemme

Welcome to SR...and congrats on getting sober.

I was totally at loose ends when I quit so I made myself busy and when I wasn't doing that I slept a lot! I also was pretty much camped out here...had a double wide and everything

It's ok to not feel great right away, it will get easier and coping will turn to joy.

I hear you on the difficulty getting sober so young...all I can say is that I wish I had. I got sober at 38 which is pretty good but I wasted a lot of years.

I also found one on one therapy helpful as well as self help books.

If it makes you feel any better I have a friend who has been sober for 15+years and he got sober at 25...so it is possible to get sober young

Hope that helps!

Tina

artsoul

Welcome cocoat - hope your meeting goes well.....

Getting sober for me was like moving to a new place. It does feel lonely and strange at first. I honestly didn't know if I was setting myself up for failure. But after a couple weeks, I didn't want to give up my hangover-free mornings or go back to the way my life was. Two months in, being sober felt normal and I found like I actually felt good about my life again.

When I was drinking, I could predict a being miserable the next day. Sober, the possibilities are wide open. Let yourself believe it can get better........

Snakes37

Time is your friend. The feelings pass after a while. When I started AA I felt alone as well, like nobody could understand what I was going through. Sure there was a fellowship, a family who cared about me, but still I felt very very alone. But the people in AA WANT to help you, because they know what it feels like to be in early sobriety. I was at the point of wondering how in the hell I could live without alcohol, because the way I was living with alcohol was not working. My best thinking got me into AA and I know I don't have to live like that anymore and be OK with it. At first I was not OK with it one bit, but that mindset changes if you stick with your sobriety. I have the ability to live two lives in one lifetime, not a lot of people can say that. Stick around the rooms until the miracle happens!