Nightsd

Hello everyone! I'm glad to be here today, clean.

I'm a 21 year old white boy from Las Vegas. I've been using heroin for three years now, and was addicted to painkillers for two years before that.

My story is pretty long. I'm gay, and I have incredibly loose morals. I would never hurt or steal from someone, and I never have. But heroin is expensive. To support my habit I became an escort. Las Vegas is HUGE for escorting, and I made a lot of money doing it. I *NEVER* did penetrating sex for money, so I wasn't as bad as I could have been.

I wasn't just addicted to heroin, I was addicted to all the money I was making. Last year I made well over $150,000 in untaxed cash. I had a new car and a nice house.

A few weeks ago I decided I needed to quit. I became very suicidal. I did attempt suicide, but fortunately I was revived by paramedics when someone complained about the lous music in my hotel room. I'm so glad to be alive and clean today. I haven't escorted in over a month, and I've been clean for two weeks.

I'm not an idiot, just because I was an escort. I hope none of you judge me for that. I am in MENSA, and I'm a premed student and I'm doing well academically. I tell you all this so that you won't think I'm some trashy idiot.

I still feel like using, a lot in fact. Shooting up the ONLY thing I've dreamed about, every single night since I quit. But I haven't used because of it. I am going to NA every single day, and I've had a GREAT kick ass sponsor who actually did an H&I meeting at my detox. So I've had a sponsor before I ever attended my first real meeting, which is awesome.

I'm so much better now that I'm clean. I'm a much more caring and empathetic person. All of my old interests such as biology, politics, and reading have come back in full force now that I'm not using.

I can't tell you all how thankful I am to read your posts. You guys are an inspiration to me. I feel so much better after writing about addiction as opposed to just going to NA meetings and just listening (I've never shared at a meeting and the thought of opening myself up to people I've never met terrifies me, but I'll get over it in time).

I hope to be at this forum a lot now, because it helps me personally to write about what I'm going through. I could never write to just myself, so this forum is my only writing outlet. I think a lot clearer and better when I translate my thoughts into words.

I completed the first step with my sponsor and I'm now working on my second. I'm so happy with all of the positive things that working on the first step gave me that I can't wait to learn and apply the second step and complete it.

I hope to get to know everyone here better, and share as much positive energy and emotion as I can. I hope to be a positive influence on this forum. In addition, as a premed student I have taken many advanced courses on biology and chemistry. This combined with my own personal research has given me an extensive wealth of knowledge about drugs. I can tell you all of the biology and chemistry behind how most drugs work, and I hope this information can help others on here.

Dee74

Welcome to SR nightsd

D

instant

Hi Nightsd you have your life in your hands. welcome and good luck

iliveforyou

Welcome to this wonderful community. It is no one's place to judge you and I can tell you I don't along with many other addicts here on SR. I am also a recovering heroin addict, alcoholic and now very recently a recovering pain killer addict.

Oh, how I remember the dreams when I stopped using, they last for months on end. I am glad that you have face to face support in NA and have a sponsor, that is awesome

I am also glad that all your old passions are coming back, it's a beautiful thing when they do!

Again, welcome and thank you for sharing your story!

-Jess

kiki5711

now that you had personal experience with addiction and all your knowledge about how the chemistry of it works maybe you could write a book.!

it may help others to understand it better.

good luck!!!

Nightsd

Thanks! You are all so sweet and kind

UofI2008

Welcome to SR. Addicts come in all shapes and sizes and we are glad to have you here.

eJoshua

Welcome to SR!

smacked

Welcome! Ex trashy idoit here.. but very well recovered from that mess.

Glad you found us.

Anna

Welcome!

We don't judge people here, so no worries. I don't think any of us got here without doing some things that we regret.

I'm glad you're working on your recovery.

soberlicious

also a former trashy idiot here...sometimes talking about the past is cathartic and this is a safe place to do it. Glad you posted

artsoul

Welcome Nightsd - Congratulations on getting clean.

Sounds like you're taking all the right steps to get out of this for good. Keep taking it one day at a time and things will keep getting better. Thanks for posting - very inspiring!

recoverywfaith

to SR.

So glad you made to NA and SR and are seeking a healthy recovery plan. Congrats on your clean time.

tjp613

Welcome to the family!

yogaisland

Welcome! This is a great place, you'll love it here. There is always someone to listen, give good advice, applaud your victories, and tell it like it is when you're not doing right. And don't worry about being judged here. It seems like anything one person admits to doing, someone else pipes up and says they also did it, but upside down and blindfolded. XD It truly is a very accepting place where you can be yourself and not be afraid to be totally honest. I thought I was a horrible person before I came here because I had been drinking about a bottle of wine a night and was in marriage counseling because drinking had nearly wrecked my marriage, but I soon learned from others' stories that it can and did get much worse, so there was no need to feel bad about myself; in fact I should be happy and proud that I stopped when I did instead of hitting bottom! You're young and smart and sound like you have a beautiful life ahead out you. Again, welcome!