Crabby
 

I have been so crabby off and on since I quit!

Tonight I snapped a smart comment at my dear mother, who has been so kind enough to let me live with her since I got out of rehab 4 months ago. And the worst part was, she was being nice and asking about how my day was going and such. God I feel like such a jerk. I apologized afterwards, but I still feel like crap about it. :(

Sorry I just had to vent. I remember feeling really crabby when I quit smoking too, but I don't remember it lasting this long. Maybe it's not a symptom of recovery though, and that's just the way I am naturally. I haven't met the real me in a while. :)

Thanks I feel better now.

A lot of people seem to be irritable in general right now...maybe it's a moon thing Josh :)

D

Yeah, it might be the moon.

I know that I used to get crabby at my Mom and my kids save all their crabbiness for me. It's like you have to hold it together all day and it finally comes out when you feel safe.

It's ok to get angry as long as you make an apology later. I'm sure your mother doesn't mind the crabbiness as long as you are sober. She must be real proud of you for making it those 4 months out of rehab.

Josh, we all have our moments and you apologized that is what is most important.
Your mother forgives you and she understands... trust me.

Congratulations on doing such a great job!!

We all get short-tempered on occasion, and occasions seem to be colliding right now, as Dee pointed out.

I remember Christmas 1983. I was first sober, and went home for Christmas. I had taken up photography as a new hobby, and liked 1000 speed film for black and whites. Problem was, it couldn't go through the x ray machine at the airport, or it would develop in the camera or canister. I got really irritable at the security officer who insisted it must go through, much to my parents embarrassment, and much to my disturbed chagrin. Think that would fly in an airport today without being detained? Not in America.

Anyway, after that, I realized how much unresolved angst I had in my life. I eventually concluded that I was trying to control everything in my life, including my drinking, my behavior and others needs of me.

Now, 28 yrs later, and newly sober again, I have come to believe that the peace and serenity I desire doesn't come from control, but from surrender. That's made all the difference to me thus far.

Josh, I am sure that your mother is so happy that you're sober and recovering, that she will understand your short-temper.

Irritiability is common in the first 6 months or so of sobriety. it can be shorter or longer depending on the person. What is good is that you apologized, that is growth. Keep working on recovery and you will improve.

Oh, and you gave me a smile with your last comment, about not seeing the real you in a while. Isn't that the truth. We have to learn who we are all over again. It takes time. sobriety, as life, is a journey.

I agree - it's early days yet for you eJoshua - you're still healing and growing. It's hard work. The others are right - your mom loves you and is happy you are safe and recovering. Please don't be so hard on yourself - you're doing great.

I'm just past my 3-month mark of sobriety and the other day I found myself feeling rage about how the comforter on my bed wasn't straight and all lined up perfectly. And I mean RAGE... how crazy is that?? It's a lot better than it used to be, but sometimes my emotions are all over the place. You are doing great-- just be understanding with yourself! :)

Do you have a program of recovery? For me, alcohol was a symptom, my real problem is me and my reactive behavior. Today I'm learning how to act instead of react.

Josh .. I just wanted to say that I think it was very good of you to apologize to your mom, and I know that it means a lot to her that you did. I have a daughter who can get moody .. it's just her way. She's not recovering from anything .. she's just gets irritated at things easily, but acknowledges it ... and doesn't use it for drama - which I think is important. She's 22, lives at home, works hard, and is a great kid.

She always apologizes if she has "snapped" for no reason, and that has always made ALL the difference to me.... so I guess I'm posting "as a mom" .. to let you know that your apology to your mom was a wonderful thing. And I know she's very, very proud of you! .... Nice job on quitting and staying quit, btw!
:)

hi ejoshua :)

I'm with the majority of replies on this one. great job for taking responsibility and apologizing. I am starting to realize that part of getting out of my head is leaving the way my apology is received to the recipient and my higher power. Much like surrender, but i'm so hyper focused on surrender right now (day 16). My thoughts are that you apologized, and gave that gift to your mother, leaving behind the words of the serenity prayer to help guide you toward your next move. It's ok to be crabby but I am starting to understand that part of my own sober journey is knowing myself only with rigorous honesty. If there's a reason for the crabby sensation, i usually somehow know, even if I don't think I do. (which isn't to say that one can't feel crabby without simply feeling...crabby)

I digress. sorry....

my point is simple, though:

it's ok to be crabby. just don't drink! :)