15 years ago... the raw side of my story
 

I married my high school sweet heart 3 weeks after we graduated
we lived a pretty normal life for young kids. He went to University
I went to school and became a hair dresser.

We spent every evening together with friends and family
loving and living life. I was the envy of all my girlfriends
they were all dating, playing the field and I was madly in love and married
to my high school sweet heart. I had everything I could ask for.

3 years in to our marriage I got pregnant with our baby girl.
We were OVER THE MOON. Dan, my husband, would rub my tummy
talk to our baby, read to her and tell her every day how much we loved her and wanted her.
I had the most amazing pregnancy, and enjoyed every minute of it. On October 18th of 1996 born on her due date our daughter Jordan Michelle was
born in to this world. Perfect from head to toe.
I was so blessed, my world seemed so perfect.
My daughter was my everything. My husband adored us I had it all

On December 2nd of that year my whole world was turned upside down.
I was home sick in bed and so my husband took our daughter
I needed Gingerale and Nyquil.
They never came home
Dan was hit by a drunk driver 3 blocks from our house
He was on his was back home to me
I lost both my husband and my daughter that day
I also lost my own life...

I started drinking the night we buried my little family and here i am 15 years later on day 7 of sobriety.
I have re-married and had more children, but it is not the same
I love my kids but I can not allow myself to get close to them
I am terrified of losing them
that is why I am 7 days sober, so my now husband won't take them

I miss my first husband daily, and my sweet sweet baby girl,
i long for the day we will be together again.

That said I love my family here on earth as well...or I would not be working to keep them

What tragedy to go thru...I'm so sorry...:hug:

I am glad you are heading into a sober future....well done on your 7 days..:yup:

I really don't know what to say. My heart goes out to you. May you find the strength and the right reasons to stay sober.
CaiHong

I'm so sorry for your loss, lost4now.

I'm really happy you're trying to move forward now with your recovery tho - I wish you the happiness and peace I think you deserve :)

D

Your story has left me with a heavy heart both for the unspeakable loss of your loved ones and the paralyzing effects on you. I pray you can find the peace to carry on and open your heart up again - allow yourself to be happy and whole again. Thank you for the post.

Oh, I feel terrible about that and can only say I'm very, very sorry for your losses.

Alcohol seems to have impacted your life even before you began to drink, and that brings up feelings in me I can't even begin to describe.

I am glad, so very glad, that you are choosing to cut alcohol from your life and you are not going to let it take you down. It has cost you more than enough pain already.

Congrats on Day 7 and know you can do this....all my best....

What a tragedy to bear; I'm sure it's with you every day, even though you have children.
Congratulations on finding the courage to get sober one day at a time. You will be surprised at how much better you feel, improvements in your life.

Thank you for posting ... it helps me to read of the enormous struggles we alcoholics have in having a good life.

Thanks for sharing. I am so sorry for your loss and hope you find some peace .

Im so sorry about your loss. Life can be so unfair.
Although I imagine its very tough--Know you are doing the right thing by not drinking. Just remember you are giving your children here on earth and your heavenly daughter a wonderful gift by staying sober.
Best wishes to you sweetheart.

It was an unspeakable loss, and I probably would have reacted the same way. I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

Imagine how your husband and daughter would feel if they knew you were so devastated by what happened that you couldn't recover. They wouldn't want to see you suffering & struggling to make it through the rest of your life. They would want you to enjoy what you have left, even though you have scars. Life can never be the same, but it can still be good - just different from what you thought it would be.

Thank you for sharing that personal story with us - maybe it will help unburden you a little. Drinking is keeping you from having joy and hope in your life, but I know you can get it back.

That's so awful, I'm not sure what to say. Alcohol won't make the pain go away. Hopefully getting sober will help lead you on a path to emotional recovery and healthy grieving.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the pain you've suffered. I'm so glad to hear you're committed to your recovery. Really glad you found us, too.

I'm so sorry lost4now. What a terrible tragedy. Welcome to the SR family. Congratulations on 7 days.

:grouphug:

Best Wishes To You!

I am sorry for your loss, what a tragedy at such a young age. I am truly glad to hear you are moving forward into sobriety.

Congratulations on your 7 days.

:welcome to the family here at SR, I know you will find a lot of support andinspiration, as I have. Keep letting us know how you are doing. :)

Oh lost ... I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry, and I can't imagine the pain you must have gone through 15 years ago, and that you must still have with you in some way every day. I'd sent you a message earlier (probably a few times - I seemed to have trouble sending), but I hadn't read your post here yet when I sent it .. so please don't think I ignored what you shared here in this post. I should have looked through the forum posts first.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. (hugs)

Oh my goodness I am so sorry for your loss. Blessings to you.

Lost...I cannot imagine the grief you bear. I am so sorry for your loss, and it heavy burden on you. It's tragic. You have my prayers for your recovery as you now embark on your new healing in life. Your post is so important; I thank you for it.

Lost that twisted my heart. I pray for strength in your recovery. Open your heart and you will be set free.
My support and prayers
Dave

An amazing woman, an amazing story
 

This beautiful woman joined the SR community such a short time ago, posting this, her story up to where she was that day. She opened up to us, and reached out for help.

Today, she begins the first day of her new journey, her jouney into sobriety. In just a few short weeks, she has come so far. From not wanting to live, to holding on for dear life, fighting to not only live, but to be the most amazing her she can be.

As Mish heads from Canada to the States today for her first day at rehab, my thoughts and prayers, and a part of my heart are with her.

I know she probably won't get to see this, but Mish, I love you as if you were my blood sister. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to be a part, however small, of your recovery.

a

Everytime i drank to cover up emotional pain it only worked while i was drunk, and boy did it work. As soon as the booze wore off i'm left still feeling the emotional pain only this time with a brutal hangover which compounded my emotional distress. The fact that i was only drinking the pain away instead of working through my emotions compounded the problem EVEN MORE. I don't think it's the real you that has been stuck emotionaly in 1996. I think it's the alcohol that has kept you mentally living back 15 years ago. The pain never goes away but it gets easier to deal with as time goes on. The key word is DEALING with it. If you drink, you never deal with it, it just lurks under the surface dragging you down. Thankyou so much for sharing with us, we're here for you