Fallow

Here I am awake at 5 in the morning again. I relapsed last night if thats what you call it had a beer and a shot with my friends saturday night. The strange thing is I had little desire to go on drinking just went home and went to sleep after watching some tv. I slept so great last night seemed just what I needed but now tonight I didnt drink and went to bed not until 1 and woke up at 4:30am. Wide awake and been reading here for an hour plus.
Im starting to believe this really is the PAWS because the past two weeks prior to me drinking last night Ive been like a caged animal. Just when outward appearances seemed better than ever my stomach hurts everyday..anxiety is at an all time high..headaches all day every day.. Feel uncomfortable..cant sleep..and when I do sleep its nightmares..plus im so tired I get half as much done as when I was drunk everyday so I have many chores hangin over my head causing more anxiety. I feel like I have all the bad effects of drinking without the release it gives me. I guess alcohol really has its grip on me was 50 days sober and still feeling these effects how long do I need to feel normal again.
Guess it is time to go change my sobriety date, another item that is annoying me..tired of counting days and hearing about other peoples x amount of time I mean if Im gonna be sober might as well just grab my hat and move on why count the days. Anyway I know Im just ranting but thanks for letting me.

instant

Fallow
I have no useful advice. I hope it gets better for you. Ranting is fine.

UofI2008

Rant away. My longest sober time has been when I wasnt counting days. I'm still not sure how long it was I just know it was around 4 months. I've started over again now after a relapse and do not really plan on counting them this time either. Counting them just makes me think about how small my number of days were compared to someone elses.

Anyways best of luck. Don't get down on yourself. Remember why you quit and keep plugging away.

Anna

I hope you feel better and I'm glad you're back after your relapse.

I think you will find that as you make positive changes in your life, along with not drinking, you will start to feel more calm and centered.

MycoolFitz

I think counting your days or not counting your days is a matter of personal preference. What counts is having the days to count or not count as we wish. I don't think that there's any guarentee that sobriety, especially early sobriety is a cure for life's trials and tribulations. Everone, alcoholics, addicts, social drinkers, non-drinkers, face life's realities daily. Everyone has their ups and downs, in and outs. We sober people are particularly vulnerable because we've run and hidden from them so long and excuses to give in and give up always present themselves. That is where genuine recovery operates. We can't just not drink. We need to address and often repair or rewire every circuit of our being. Where we were dysfunctional we need to strive to function, where we are damaged we need to rehabilitate. Sobriety only requires that we don't pick up, recovery requires that we strive everyday in everyway necessary to heal physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and socially. It's not often easy and takes determination and heat but it is always worth it in the end. At leat this is my belief.

sugarbear1

I've been where you are, but I was there years ago. My brain, after around 2-3 months told me I could drink normally, so I had one or two. I did it for a few months, so I thought I could keep it up.

Slowly, I drank like that and at some point, well, it slowly got out of hand.

I wasn't convinced I needed to stop drinking, so I didn't.

Ten
+ years later, here I am, wishing I had stayed stopped way back when. Today I am proud of my 105 days.

No advice for you. I just wish I could turn back time.

SASA

the headaches will get better. In the beginning shortly after I stopped I felt dizzyness for about 1 month. It seemed forever. Plus I was very lethargic and did not want to do anything. It is slowly getting better now. As for counting days, I try not to count however from time to time I look up my progress. I tried several times and relapsed, however the day I made the decission to stop drinking is the one I remember forever since ti changed my life and my believes. Just hang in there, there was a reason why you quit drinking in the 1st place, just remeber that....

Fallow

Been thinking and reading all day. Feel better mostly just cant get over how I still have one foot in sobriety and the other in alcoholism. Im developing my plan thanks in large part to this forum and parts of AA and parts of AVRT.

DoubtfulDebs

i stopped counting days after the first month, though i'm leaving it in my sig for here... i found it was just adding to the 'look, you've been so good, you can't really be addicted, you deserve a drink!' b*llsh*t that my addicted system was using to try and manipulate me into starting again.

i wish you luck, and most of all in handling that part of you that still wants to do it, it is possible but you need to be really clear which 'foot' is which, and not mistake the part of you that craves drink for the part of you that knows what is best for your future.

debs

saphira

I think counting days is a personal choice as well... different things work for different people. I tend to keep a general idea of where I am, but I don't count days. Right when I got sober I did count and I would be thinking, "Wow! I feel great! I can actually do this!!" and then I would look at the calendar and see I was only on day 2 or 3. It felt like sooo much longer. It would discourage me. So now I just go with it and keep on keepin on.
Best of luck!!

Dee74

Hi Fallow

I remember being annoyed when I got sober - I expected to automatically feel better and for life to get immediately easier...it didn't turn out that way for me.

But I trusted the people here who told me it would get better if I kept working on my recovery - not just staying sober, but doing my best to work on those things about me I knew I needed to work on...what some people call 'underlying issues' and what I called The Void that I tried to fill with alcohol.

Things did get better

Use the support you find here, and don't hesitate to look for real world support either if you think you need it.

Anythings better than drinking, IMO.

You can do this

D