bennybored

Im the one who posted Day 12 Drank Wine. I convinced myself I could. Since then I've have had a total bender....this seems to be what happens, it goes from one nice night to ****** week to I think I am still drunk from last night. I really thought I could handle the booze. I really thought I could just chill with a couple but maybe I can't. I feel like crap...............

wheresthefun

Hey benny, was hoping you'd come back.

I think you need to consider dropping the word "maybe" from the next to last sentence of your post. What say you?

pinpoint

I think we all thought that we could have just a shot or two, a pill, a hit but if that had been the case, i doubt that'd any of us would be here to find support

totfit

For those of us so inclined it is a lesson that takes most of us many such events before it finally sinks in if ever. I personally have used every form of rationalization until finally, I have just accepted that that is the way it is for me period. It is not learned behavior that can be unlearned, it is just plain old the way my body handles alcohol. It should be easy to accept that if some of have adverse reactions to other things that some of us just plain old have adverse reactions to alcohol. Hope you learn quickly as it will help you avoid a lot of unnecessary pain.

ButterflyMan

I've found out the hard way recently that it must only be complete sobriety or a life controlled utterly by my problem. I convinced myself recently on holiday that I could have one or two, "I was on holiday afterall!" I lost a lot more than just a few fuzzy nights that week. I'm also just coming to the realisation that really, that battle is not against the bottle, it's against yourself. I believe that if you can win these mental battles, you'll be a lot better at the end of the war.

sugarbear1

My rehab told me it takes 1 hour for every ounce of alcohol (beer, wine, or liquor) to leave the body. Yeah, you're probably still under the influence.

Seek medical attention before quitting. You can stay stopped! A program of recovery would benefit anyone who wants to stay stopped!

Best wishes!

soberviking

Sounds familiar. When I went on a 2 week bender my original thought was well maybe I can just do this once a month, maybe now I can handle it. How many damn times have I told myself that line just to watch it all blow up. So I crammed in a years worth of drinking in 2 weeks.

For folks like us we have to realize there is no such thing as "having a handle on it" it's all or nothing.

LoftyIdeals

Welcome back, Benny. You can do this!

Dee74

Good to see you back Benny

Maybe it's time to go back on the wagon, mate? if only to clear your head again and work out where to go to from here?

D

bennybored

thank you everyone - especially Dee74 - maybe it is and thank you for your input and just how you versed your thoughts

WreckedExec

Hey Benny, I totally hear you. I keep going back hoping that I can handle it. I think it's just that I want to handle it so badly. So badly!!! It doesn't seem fair at all. I'm very new to recovery, just over 30 days now. I've had some people say some pretty cool things that have helped me along. I feel angry that I can't drink like a "normal" person. I just love it so much, why is beyond me! Anyway, on another board I frequent someone said something to the affect of, of all the things we could be stricken with like cancer, he was glad that he was battling this because it could be worse. He said it so much better than that, but I hope it comes across. I'm not great with words. Hang in there! It's so hard, but doable

bblackbirdflyy

Benny Back in the game!

bennybored

wreckedexec - thankyou so much - you are well with words and I got what you meant and yes, it could definitely be worse. Its also refreshing in a way to hear you say you just wish you could drink normally so badly - i just love it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 30 days is amazing, i did six weeks last year, thats my longest in 16 years

Hevyn

benny & WreckedExec - You both say you love it so much, but honestly, how much fun has it been lately? Didn't it reach the point where it was mostly dangerous and unpredictable?

I spent many years trying to get back the old feelings of relaxation & fun that drinking used to give me - but they weren't coming back no matter how I tried. That was the hardest thing in the world to have to admit, & I almost lost my life trying to cling to the old days, before I became a slave to it. If it had been possible to control it, I would have - before my life fell apart. I had to learn the hard way - we can't control ourselves once we take that first swallow.

I didn't think I could ever live without it. I thought life would seem so dull & pointless - but what's really boring is walking around in a fog, not even experiencing life. You can learn to live again in a new way, without alcohol controlling you. It's a wonderful feeling of freedom when we finally break out of the chains. I know you can do this.

bennybored

hi hevyn,
it seems i hit rock bottom and then try and quit. Its hard but I get through the week or so and start to feel better. I feel so good I convince myself that I can handle a beer or glass of wine. The first night I actually might handle it. But then comes the next night and so on and I escalate. I wonder if I never drink 2 days in a row if that'd help... or just quit. The demon inside me wants the drink so so so bad though

thank you for your post

Dee74

Benny
if you like me the option to not drink 2 days in a row never comes up.

Don't make deals in your head Benny - just do it. Get back to where you were in those 12 days.

D