CaliBohemian

Hi everyone. I joined this community a few days ago, so I'm one of the new kids in the neighborhood. I've posted a few comments, but this is my first actual post. I'm not sure whether or not it's a stretch to call me an alcoholic because I've never experienced any extremely severe consequences for my drinking, and I totally planned every binge. I knew what I was doing; I drank to purposefully get wasted. But I still did it often enough to make people gasp.

I never drank until I was 18, but the party continued through college and my first several jobs and failed relationships. I didn't care about the consequences. Alcohol was the cornerstone of my social life because I'm an extremely introverted and shy person without the stuff. Right before I turned 28, I got a job working the graveyard shift, and that's when the party ended and the nightmare began. The graveyard shift seems to be the last stop for people that have f'd up too many times. I'm physically isolated from my coworkers, so I can get away with damn near anything as long as my work doesn't suffer. I can show up ragged and hungover, but it doesn't matter as long as I get the job done. I got this job because the only people that were willing to hire me wanted someone that would show up on time and do what he's told, and those kinds of jobs are usually unfulfilling. I felt like I was stuck with no way out, so I enrolled in a tech program at the same comm. college I went to as a freshman.

I like my major and my classmates, so I quit drinking last year. It was amazingly easy. I'd been sober for five months when the academic year ended. Without school, I'd temporarily lost the only thing that was going well in my life. I started drinking again, and I boozed my way through the whole summer break. I quit again, but it's a struggle. I don't have much of a social life, and alcohol was the only thing that made it possible to be around other people without having embarrassing social anxiety issues. Right now, it's just me, my TV, and my internet connection hanging out together in a little apartment.

Does anyone here have similar issues with social anxiety? Does anyone have a story that's similar to mine? I'm not sure if I'm totally alone in this struggle or not. It sure as hell feels like I am.

MycoolFitz

Of course you feel alone, you have social anxiety. :-) Join the shy, introvert crowd, I'm a charter member. I drank to be social but ended up isolated. Now when of my recovery goals is to risk social contact and interaction while sober--it was easy while drinking but I realize now, it wasn't me, it was my drinking persona.

sugarbear1

Talk to a doctor.

ReadyAndAble

Welcome to SR!

You'll find a lot of support here. You're definitely not alone. And you don't have to be an alcoholic to decide that alcohol is negatively affecting your life, and that your future would be brighter without it.

Always good to see someone else from the Golden State here.

nandm

to SR

Freedom1990

Welcome to SR from a fellow Bohemian!

I too suffered from social anxiety, but I can honestly say that the longer I'm sober, the less it bothers me.

Now I'm not one to go to large gatherings or anything like that, never have, never will. However, I do get out and about most every day.

Hevyn

Hi CaliBohemian. So glad you are here! (You might want to check out the Anxiety Disorders & Mental Health forums here, too.)

I wanted desperately to control my drinking, but it never worked. I first used it to calm myself down and relax, because I was always shy & self-conscious. It got to the point where I couldn't make a move without it, though. I was way older than you before I even admitted I had a problem - so be proud of yourself for facing up to this. I kept myself from growing & maturing by staying numb for years. You'll never have the chaos in your life that many of us have had if you handle this now.

Looking forward to hearing more from you Cali!

IndaMiricale

Just wanted to say hello and

Keep on postin and usin that interconnection

saphira

Social anxiety... next to alcohol, it is the biggest problem in my life. I struggle with it daily, so I definitely know what you're going through. I'm 30 years old and I'm still trying to finish college because I can never get myself to go to class! So you're ahead of me there. My social anxiety is still a problem for me when I'm sober, but honestly it was at it's worst when I was drinking. I hardly left the house because it was so bad. Quitting drinking helped a lot and it gave me a clear head to REALLY start to deal with my anxiety.
Also, just wanted to encourage you to be careful with the booze. There was a point where I could stop for as long as I wanted too. It got to the point, though, where I had no control. I ended up drinking every single night. There's no big red line that shows you when that point is going to come. Just be careful!

Anna

I, too, am not really comfortable in most social situations. I have always felt anxiety and eventually self-medicated with alcohol. It was a huge mistake, because alcohol increases anxiety and depression.

We do understand how hard this is, so keep reading and posting.

Dee74

Hi CaliBohemian

Welcome - like Freedom and Anna I've always suffered from social anxiety and I used alcohol to 'help' and only made it worse.

These days rather than trying to be someone I'm not, I just be who I am - I don't like crowds, I'm pretty shy meeting new people...I prefer small intimate gatherings to huge affairs.

I worked with a counsellor on this when I first got sober - it really helped me, and I recommend you seek some professional help if you haven't already

I also started drinking everyday when the meaning in my life disappeared after I got chronically ill and I lost my career.

After I got sober volunteering was a great way for me to get back out in the world, interact with people, and fill my day with something meaningful. I recommend it too.

I also reconnected with old friends - those who knew me in the years before I drank with a mission.

My lifes a lot quieter and a lot 'smaller' now than it was when I was a party animal trying to fit in - but it has more meaning for me, and I'm comfortable with who I am

D

artsoul

I felt the same way..... and it got to the point where I needed a few drinks before I went out. Alcohol took the anxiety away, but at the same time, I'd drink so much that I'd say or do things that I wouldn't have done sober.

Eventually, I was drinking whenever I had any kind of anxiety or strong emotions (even positive ones). I wanted to be numb all the time. Ironically, the more I drank, the more miserable I became.

I'm so thankful to be sober today and feeling good about myself. I'm glad you're here - things really can get better......