New in sobriety - again
 

okay, so today i am not yet sober. i just poured out the alcohol. i actually did not have intentions of sobering up because i did not think i was the problem, until i opened my cupboard tonight and saw actually how much vodka i had burnt thru. i just poured everything out but am so ******* scared. SCARED. i am going thru a bad breakup and its been the only thing keeping well sane. (lol) i was in AA for 12+ years mostly for crystal meth use. i really did not think i was an alcoholic. then i entered a lovely but chaos filled relationship with another alcoholic and i quickly learned that i two whether i want to admit it or not (why is it so ******* hard?) that i too am a really bad alcoholic. i don't want to re-enter the rooms of AA because of all the 13 steppers and chickenhawks. so i am going to seek help online. i know the ****, the steps, the mantras, the words. but i always always applied them to meth. i am truly new to claiming myself as a real alcoholic. i need help. i cannot deal with feelings, emotions or life. i get stressed, i take a shot. that my friends is my solution. i feel i am really ready to see what sobriety is like, but can it be obtained online? my new sobriety date would have to be tomorrow 8/28, because yes, i poured out the alcy, but i of course had to take a shot prior. i know the steps, have sponsored, etc. how do you do this with humbleness? online only? how the hell do you deal with feelings and emotions? YUCK! (lol) sorry for the brain dump, just completely lost mostly due to the breakup and i need to get sober and i dont know how without alcohol. thanks much for reading/listening.

chaosbutterfly.

Hi ChaosButterfly

I remember feeling like you must be...wondering how I could ever get out of my situation.

2 things really helped me...I got support, and I stay sober a day at a time. It all starts with day one.

Hope SR can help you turn your life around like it did for me :)

Welcome :)
D

Hi and Welcome,

SR has been my lifeline for many years. There are lots of great people here and there is always something inspiring to read.

Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life.

:welcome to the family. I've had so much support from the members here and it's really helped me stay sober. I hope we can help you as much as I've been helped.:)

You can get sober online, and any way else that works for you (friends, family, doctor, AA, or just you and a few good books or web sites). For me, no one in my real life knows I'm an alcoholic. No one, not even my doctor. Just like Anna, SR has been a lifeline for me as well ... in that HERE is where I talk about this private part of my life. There are real people behind the screen names and avatars .. real people just like me .. I like that. :) ... And what Dee said, I ditto - one day at a time with the knowledge (even if you're not feeling it) that it WILL get better and things WILL be easier to handle in full sobriety, especially once you get past any withdrawals and the tiredness, etc., and start filling your body with good food .... I never thought I could deal with life sober .. it was scary to let it come ... but I am telling you - it's BETTER sober. Everything is better.

Day One here you come! Good for you. :)

Chaosbutterly,
I can feel in your post the suffering you are going through. You were able to give up the meth, all power to you.
I am new to recovery and I think you have a lot to teach us about relapse, one question though when you gave up meth did you drink?
AA worked for you at one time but you seem a bit jaded by the meetings. Let me reccommend this website 12 Step Programs - Get The Real Story!.
All the best on your new soberiety

Welcome chaosbutterfly! I'm so glad you reached out for help. I hope you'll be comforted by being here & the fear will begin to go away. It's far scarier to continue down the path you were on.

In spite of feeling scared, you sound excited about getting started with a new life. I got sober using just SR - after more than 25 yrs. of heavy drinking. I was really jittery at first, and sorry for myself - but reading all the positive posts here took my mind off my problems & eased my anxiety.

Congratulations on your decision! Please let us hear more from you.

Welcome ChaosButterfly - I spent years in AA, too.... went through the steps twice, attended conventions.... you name it. I'm sober today with the support I find here (don't go to meetings currently). I still use all the AA tools, though. I think whatever path you choose, it had to be something you can use daily.

"Easy Does It", "Keep It Simple", "One Day At A Time." Just stay in the day and be patient with yourself. It will get better......:ghug3

welcome!! You can do this!! I stay sober using SR and other books and materials that have been recommended to me. I think everybody is different in what they need to stay sober... I tend to grab a little from different programs that speak to me. I think you just need to start. Life is so much better without the booze!! :)