I can do this. But now Im dreaming about it!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Tampa FL
Posts: 5
I can do this. But now Im dreaming about it!
"PROBLEM!"
I feel like a freakin vampire. The thirst. The dreams. The shakes. The feeling of you need it. Everyday life seems so much more painful. Less easy-going. Almost like you can't think right. Like there's something missing. Find myself very moody. Crabby. Nasty. Counting down the days until it gets better. Easier. Until the thirst is bearly there. Until i can breathe again.
Ok, so Im not a vampire. And Im not talking about blood. Im talking about alcohol. God I hate saying it. I hate even thinking about it. The idea that I have a drinking problem makes me sick. I feel so weak by saying that I have a weakness. BUT, i do. I feel like I could drink all the time. And feel that it would be ok. But no! I cant do that. Because I do have a problem. I drink way to much at times. I become unable to control my feelings and what goes on in my head and out my mouth. AND like to fight. "PROBLEM?" YES!!! And I feel like I need it. Need it for everyday life. Come home and just crack up a cold one, or pour myself a big glass of something. And just drink it all away. "PROBLEM"
I have been told be many of people that I need to stop drinking. My wife, my family. And I do for maybe a week. And it back to it. Back to drinking. And it starts again. But not this time. One thing that I know now is that I dont wanna be controlled by this anymore. I wanna be free from it hold. From it all. But in order to do that, I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING YO!!!!
I am on day 17 of being alcohol free. DRY!!! My first goal is one month. Which will be sep 7th. It feels so far away. SO FAR AWAY! That will be the longest I have gone "without" in I dont know how long. REALLY! Like years. So if and when I get to that first month, I will know that I made it that far. And that I can do it. I can live and work and go on without it. But man this past 12 days have been really hard. Not even hard, but painful. Like I said I hate saying this all this, cause it sounds stupid if you yourself dont have a "problem". Like having money and not going to the store and buying some. Or getting into a lil fight with your girl/boy and not just washing it away and numbing the pain with a drink. Feeling like you'll never be happy again without it. Whats getting to me is the dreams about it. YEAH DREAMS!! Damn dreams about alcohol. In my dreams Im just sitting there with a bottle of something and drinking. More like downing it. And having a smile. Man I wake up in the morning with really bad shakes. And like my hard is all foggy. Almost like its getting harder, like Im getting lost in it. Like its trying to suck me back in.
But I got this. I can do this. I know it will get better someday soon. Hard as hell now. But a beast never quits. And Im not gonna give up on myself. I am the only one that make me stop. I am the only one that can make me not buy it or drink it. So i need to push myself to greatness. DO IT!!!! But damn this is hard!
I feel like a freakin vampire. The thirst. The dreams. The shakes. The feeling of you need it. Everyday life seems so much more painful. Less easy-going. Almost like you can't think right. Like there's something missing. Find myself very moody. Crabby. Nasty. Counting down the days until it gets better. Easier. Until the thirst is bearly there. Until i can breathe again.
Ok, so Im not a vampire. And Im not talking about blood. Im talking about alcohol. God I hate saying it. I hate even thinking about it. The idea that I have a drinking problem makes me sick. I feel so weak by saying that I have a weakness. BUT, i do. I feel like I could drink all the time. And feel that it would be ok. But no! I cant do that. Because I do have a problem. I drink way to much at times. I become unable to control my feelings and what goes on in my head and out my mouth. AND like to fight. "PROBLEM?" YES!!! And I feel like I need it. Need it for everyday life. Come home and just crack up a cold one, or pour myself a big glass of something. And just drink it all away. "PROBLEM"
I have been told be many of people that I need to stop drinking. My wife, my family. And I do for maybe a week. And it back to it. Back to drinking. And it starts again. But not this time. One thing that I know now is that I dont wanna be controlled by this anymore. I wanna be free from it hold. From it all. But in order to do that, I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING YO!!!!
I am on day 17 of being alcohol free. DRY!!! My first goal is one month. Which will be sep 7th. It feels so far away. SO FAR AWAY! That will be the longest I have gone "without" in I dont know how long. REALLY! Like years. So if and when I get to that first month, I will know that I made it that far. And that I can do it. I can live and work and go on without it. But man this past 12 days have been really hard. Not even hard, but painful. Like I said I hate saying this all this, cause it sounds stupid if you yourself dont have a "problem". Like having money and not going to the store and buying some. Or getting into a lil fight with your girl/boy and not just washing it away and numbing the pain with a drink. Feeling like you'll never be happy again without it. Whats getting to me is the dreams about it. YEAH DREAMS!! Damn dreams about alcohol. In my dreams Im just sitting there with a bottle of something and drinking. More like downing it. And having a smile. Man I wake up in the morning with really bad shakes. And like my hard is all foggy. Almost like its getting harder, like Im getting lost in it. Like its trying to suck me back in.
But I got this. I can do this. I know it will get better someday soon. Hard as hell now. But a beast never quits. And Im not gonna give up on myself. I am the only one that make me stop. I am the only one that can make me not buy it or drink it. So i need to push myself to greatness. DO IT!!!! But damn this is hard!
Last edited by Dee74; 08-25-2011 at 03:42 PM. Reason: edit by me
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ON
Posts: 766
and if i canyou certainly can. but i hear everything you are saying.
The NEED is sometimes overpowering.
I am at 45 days todays and i feel great FINALLY.
No more shakes, and the desire and massive cravings get easier everyday.
yes, today i am thinking about it but thats specifically why i logged in here.
we all need support.
keep going, one month isnt tht far
The NEED is sometimes overpowering.
I am at 45 days todays and i feel great FINALLY.
No more shakes, and the desire and massive cravings get easier everyday.
yes, today i am thinking about it but thats specifically why i logged in here.
we all need support.
keep going, one month isnt tht far
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