Newtosoberlivin

hi all,

On day nine today, went to my meeting per usual, after having my coffee and checking my personal email (I am freelancing right now, and am in between projects although I am also searching for something more permanent jobwise).

Anyhow, went to my noon meeting, my home group, and it was a good one. Got back home, went grocery shopping with my daughter, and then the bitchiness and resentments started to build up again. This ALWAYS seems to happen in the afternoons (which is when I would start drinking until long after nightfall), so I am definitely noticing that it is a pattern wtih me.

My 12 year old is driving me nuts, I won't lie, she's climbing the walls and we are getting on each other's nerves in a major way. I cannot WAIT until she starts school again next week!!!! Plus the major lack of respect and the mouthiness make me want to scream sometimes!! I swear I could smack her fresh mouth and not feel ONE ounce of guilt (naturally I would NEVER do that but it can be tempting to think it at times). Then I force myself to breathe, stand back and take stock, and calm down. She's been better about "removing" herself from me when in a "mood" so I tend to just leave her alone until SHE calms down.

Anyway, back to what I started posting, lol, I am seeing definite patterns in how my mood can go from calm and actually happy at times, then it's like I hit brick wall headfirst in the afternoon. It's frustrating as all hell, but I am seeing it for what it really is, a thought pattern, nothing more and nothing less. I am up to like six fizzy sodas (lime flavored) in a row, and I worry also that this is too close to how I used to drink my DOC, beer every day. Then I think nobody ever died from drinking too many fizzy sodas, lol....

Have any of you noticed patterns in your mood based on when you used to drink the most?

I plan to hit the gym next week every day after my noon meeting to get physical which should help and would coincide with these moods. I cannot really do that now, since I have to leave my 12 year old alone to attend my daily meeting and wouldn't feel right leaving again or being gone for a much longer period (besides, I enjoy working out and don't if I feel rushed/stressed).

Babbling as usual, it's all slowly but surely making logical sense as the time is passing by!!

SSIL75

how long have you been sober? I was just an all round basket case the first few weeks. I don't know if there was a pattern. I ALWAYS wanted to drink (when I was drinking).

Go easy on your kid. I have to remind myself all the time that my 5 year old is a product of my crappy, alcoholic parenting. That he's as fantastic as he is is a tribute to his hardy soul.

Dee74

I drank all day everyday so no, I haven't had that experience new.
It's good you've recognised it tho.

I'm not a parent either - never likely to be - so I understand kids can be a trial sometimes, but don't forget to count your blessings too

D

Newtosoberlivin

SSIL, I know, I bit her head off this afternoon and immediately apologized for it.

She is just being a kid of 12 and climbing the walls being home all the time (plus it's raining and icky out today, she's usually outside with her friends). she's a great kid, just very mouthy at times.

To answer your question, I am on my Day Nine this time around.