OceanSize

i woke up very sad. i miss my partner and am still so angry at myself.

I have a sponsor mainly because she's a good friend professionally, so as soon as i realized alcohol ruined my life (well, i ruined it, with a lot of help from alcohol) i called her.

She suggested i look in the mirror every morning and every night, at tooth-brushing time, and say: "I love you and I forgive you"

So i put a note by the mirror with those exact words, and I just finished reciting them. Now i am with my coffee, doing my morning emails, and feeling a little more forgiveable (just a little more) but really really terrible about what i did. That part doesn't seem to go away. How could i be so stupid as to get that drunk? what problems did i solve? (none!)

I was so bad that night that a friend of mine told me she didn't recognize me. when i told her i used it as impetus to quit drinking she merely responded "good to know - i'd never seen you like that"

I am pretty disgusted with myself, still.

i feel a little more forgiveable, but too lonely for it to even matter. I know it will get better.

I think i ruined my relationship though, so it weighs heavy on my heart. I really love this man. I hurt the person i love the most. It's such a terrible thing to walk around with, how can i forgive myself?

i struggle.

And yet, still relieved to really know that i never have to drink ever ever again, as long as i take the right kind of care of myself.

It will take a lot of strength to get through the day. I am scared.

Dee74

Hope you're doing better now OS

D

JimE

Those daily affirmations can come in handy. My old sponsor used to say we alcoholics are champions of beating the sh*t out of ourselves. I sure can be. Maybe your partner will be quick to forgive, I hope so. There were plenty of times I turned from Dr Jeckle to Mr Hyde after a few drinks.

Threshold

Just a thought that ran through my head as I read this...about hurting the person we love the most...one of the problems is that we didn't love ourselves the most...if we loved ourselves, we'd respect ourself, and if we respect ourselves we treat others with respect as well...so, the affirmation is exactly what we need to have good relationships with anyone. We must love and forgive ourselves first...and in many ways, the rest will take care of itself.

recoverywfaith

All my prayers you have peace...thank you for sharing...glad to have you at SR.

sugarbear1

I'm starting step 8. I can affirm that the steps DO work when you work them.

Give time time. Keep your sobriety. You'll grow so much. Peace