soberviking

Just venting here. I came to recognize that this thought pattern can lead me back to the store so I can have some instant gratification. But anyway I often catch myself wishing I didn't waste so much time being a drunk. Like I want to go back to school for something so I can get a better paying job. Get a new truck, buy a new home that isn't falling apart like the one I have now and I wanted this all yesterday. It just gets me frustrated. Especially after seeing people I've known from when I was a kid and they're all grown up and have the whole marriage and kids life going on, got good jobs and nice homes and everything I have is being kept together by duct tape.

It's just something that bothers me and I find it as an obsessive thought a lot of times and wanted to vent about it. Anybody else have something similar?

Anna

One of the hard things to learn in recovery, is that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be.

I had to stop comparing myself and my life to other people. By the same token, I don't expect other people to understand everything about where I am in my life.

doggonecarl

It's probably normal...part of the guilt we carry from our drinking days morphing over to resentment. But it is about the most useless waste of mental energy one can engage in.

You can't change the past. More importantly, resentment is a recovery killer. And if you are being obsessive about it you are going to struggle. I know I did. That is, until I learned to practice gratitude. Better to be thankful for the smallest thing than angry about something you want and don't have.

Good luck.

MycoolFitz

Probably, luckily for us, we cannot relive the past (we might do it all over again). Try to take all those "If only I had...If only I hadn't..." and turn them into in this moment....thoughts.This is your life Viking, this exact moment in this exact place, there is no other time or place you can possibly be in. Makew the most of it and there will never be a past to regret.

The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done,
we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change.
So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger,
but in wisdom, understanding and love.
Jennifer Edwards

soberviking

I know, you're all right and it does no good to sit around and think of yesterday and wishing if I could go back I would do it all differently. Still it's like an incoming tidal wave and my brain just wont shut it off. Plus we live in a pretty arrogant and material society here and lot of people if they like to admit it or not are going to judge you by what kind of education job car and house you have.

But I've come to learn at the core of all of this it's just my addictive brain playing Mr. Funny Sneaky Ninja man games on me and ultimately trying to lead me back to that 30pk sitting in the fridge at the local gas station. And that's not happening on my watch. I'm serious when I say this time I've retired from the world of professional heavy weight drinking and forfeit my old title belt!

Fallow

yes I know just how you feel. I get stuck on the where i would could or should be's all the time. Most of it is based on the types of thing you stated above..other peoples opinions. From my sponsor ive been told that 'what other people think of me is none of my business'. Its been helping me sometimes.

twilli59

"We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience CAN BENEFIT OTHERS."
You already helped others, believe it or not. Good luck.

Dee74

You can do all this. You just can't do it yesterday SV

I kinda look at it this way - all the dumb stuff I did bought me to where I am now...and where I am now, and who I am now is no bad thing

As for society being materialistic etc - I didn't worry about society or what people thought when I was publicly known as a falling down drunken mess - it'd be pretty silly of me to start to worry all that now I'm sober

D

basias

Soberviking.....I have had all the things you speak about more than once in my life.....and have lost all those things more than once, due to my addictions. I have learned one huge lesson from my addiction....you can't have all those things and "keep" all those things if you are you are in the throes of addiction.

I have nothing right now.....a small apartment, a cat, and one months rent left in my pocket. I lost my job due to my addiction, and believe me that is not the first time.
But I needed the wake-up call, and agree with others......I am right where I am supposed to be, and why worry? There is nothing I can do about it, except find a new job and take my sobriety more seriously than I ever have.

Like I said, I have had the "good life" and it was no better than the life I have now, because I was fighting addiction all the way through. Penthouse drunk.....or gutter drunk......what's the difference ?

Stay strong and think only of today.