I look forward to drinking after work
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,344
Like many others here I used to enjoy those things too - in the beginning.
If I could have known where I'd end up 10-15 years later I would have chosen the cleaning, the walk, and the exercise WWG.
I used to convince myself there was nothing wrong with what I did - I had a lot of false bravado about my lifestyle.
But deep down I was scared. I knew it was hurting me, and I knew - slowly, inevitably - it was taking over my life...that became clearer to me with every passing year.
You're obviously here for a reason WWG - I hope you act a lot sooner than I did.
D
If I could have known where I'd end up 10-15 years later I would have chosen the cleaning, the walk, and the exercise WWG.
I used to convince myself there was nothing wrong with what I did - I had a lot of false bravado about my lifestyle.
But deep down I was scared. I knew it was hurting me, and I knew - slowly, inevitably - it was taking over my life...that became clearer to me with every passing year.
You're obviously here for a reason WWG - I hope you act a lot sooner than I did.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
Thank you so much for posting this thread. That was my life only 5 days ago. I started drinking at 14 and never looked back, I'd never been a sober adult! (living a sober life, that is) 20 years later I have a wonderful husband and a great career...that I'm scared to death of losing. I justified it for too many stupid reasons to list (but for kicks and giggles here's a few: it was wine, which went with dinner, and then just kept going; I was at home, so I wasn't a driving hazard; my job is so stressful, I need those 6 or 7 glasses to relax...)
I've been white-knuckling it on my own so far and this website has been so helpful. I told my husband yesterday and he is incredibly supportive, but I know I can't do this alone. So thank you to each and every one of you, your words help so much!
I've been white-knuckling it on my own so far and this website has been so helpful. I told my husband yesterday and he is incredibly supportive, but I know I can't do this alone. So thank you to each and every one of you, your words help so much!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by withdrawing 
walkingwithgod, do you have a member in your family that you would consider an alcoholic? I do, my father. I started out just like this. Just a few, hoping I could moderate. I know now that I can't. I have tried so many times. One ALWAYS leads to more and one or two days a week ALWAYS leads to more days a week. I am predisposed to being an alcoholic because of my father. Is there someone in your family that might have passed this predisposition on to you?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
I had a sober week about a month ago, and I woke up everyday with a smile and a bounce in my step. Not today, I came home and had beer in the fridege and had too many. I wake up to day depressed, hungover, sad and embarrased. My wife can have a beer and quit, I apparently cannot. I feel fat, sluggish and just down right rotten. Today, I feel bad about time wasted drinking and money spent. But, I guess that I need to move on from feeling bad and look forward to the future. I will not drink today, I need to repeat that in my head. Thanks for all the concerns. Let today be a sober day.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 7
Sounds familiar... I used to drink after work to wind down. I had "good reason" to. A tough and emotionally demanding job where after a hard day we'd all farewell each other with "Going home to down a bottle of wine after today!".
One glass of wine with dinner (doctors recommend it don't they?) turned into two, turned into a bottle on Friday nights, and Saturdays, and finally whatever I could drink when ever no one was watching. My little secret. I had a good job. I held it together. But I couldn't stop.
Eventually, my partner recognised it too. We started to argue. We started to have problems. We separated for a while. Just a break. Where I drank myself into oblivion. I drank until I passed out.
I was lucky. She took me back, but she hadn't know how bad things had gotten. She had no idea things had gotten worse. Then one day found me, incoherently drunk having peed my pants. She gave me a choice.
I stayed sober for more than a year. I drank maybe a dozen times, "supervised drinks" with my partner, or in company - never alone. A wedding, a few gatherings, that sort of thing. There was one party earlier this year where I did get blind rotten drunk with friends, and then there was two days ago (and I now realise that this also happened at the party). I only remember having one drink. I can't tell you when I had the second. I can't tell you when I finished the bottle, or opened the second. I'm having black outs. It's been over a year since I've drank on a regular basis, and I'm still having blackouts.
It terrifies me. I kept thinking I'm ok, but obviously I've broken something in my brain, in my body, permanently. I can never trust myself again.
I'm sorry, I feel like I've raved about my own problems. But WWG, quit. Quit while you're ahead. Do it before it gets worse. It might be hard, but it will only get harder. One has turned into eight - how many more will it take before you admit that it's a problem? Make the choice.
One glass of wine with dinner (doctors recommend it don't they?) turned into two, turned into a bottle on Friday nights, and Saturdays, and finally whatever I could drink when ever no one was watching. My little secret. I had a good job. I held it together. But I couldn't stop.
Eventually, my partner recognised it too. We started to argue. We started to have problems. We separated for a while. Just a break. Where I drank myself into oblivion. I drank until I passed out.
I was lucky. She took me back, but she hadn't know how bad things had gotten. She had no idea things had gotten worse. Then one day found me, incoherently drunk having peed my pants. She gave me a choice.
I stayed sober for more than a year. I drank maybe a dozen times, "supervised drinks" with my partner, or in company - never alone. A wedding, a few gatherings, that sort of thing. There was one party earlier this year where I did get blind rotten drunk with friends, and then there was two days ago (and I now realise that this also happened at the party). I only remember having one drink. I can't tell you when I had the second. I can't tell you when I finished the bottle, or opened the second. I'm having black outs. It's been over a year since I've drank on a regular basis, and I'm still having blackouts.
It terrifies me. I kept thinking I'm ok, but obviously I've broken something in my brain, in my body, permanently. I can never trust myself again.
I'm sorry, I feel like I've raved about my own problems. But WWG, quit. Quit while you're ahead. Do it before it gets worse. It might be hard, but it will only get harder. One has turned into eight - how many more will it take before you admit that it's a problem? Make the choice.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I can relate to that feeling of being a bad father, for sure. I had to work at forgiving myself—regret and shame only added fuel to the addiction fire. Being sober slowly began to wash all that away. In fact, as crazy as this sounds, sometimes I'm grateful I'm not "normal." The benefit of having been so low is that, now, I feel an appreciation for so many things that I used to take for granted. Just tucking my daughter into bed at night feels like a miracle.
You can do this, WWG.
You can do this, WWG.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
Wlaking...didja stop? Try 7 days...I say you can't do 7 and you need a rehab or detox for at least 30 days. I don't think you can stop on your own. I challenge you!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Have you read Alcoholics Anonymous? Or listened to any speakers? Can you listen on laptop while driving home? You want to "reward" yourself with poison that takes away motivation, people, and things.
Me thinks you have my warped thinking. Alcohol is all around. It's not helping us. Focus on th cars and people...you CAN ignore those places, you can stay stopped!
Me thinks you have my warped thinking. Alcohol is all around. It's not helping us. Focus on th cars and people...you CAN ignore those places, you can stay stopped!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
WWG, these guys are right, we're all in the same boat, just with a different story of how we got here. Don't come down on yourself, you're not a bad husband, father, person. Alcohol is bad for you, and that's that. Take a breath and let go of the guilt. The fact that you're here speaks volumes.
As for something to do after work, I can totally relate. My hubby works nights so I get home and it's just me...for hours. And there's still all this wine in the house! Luckily I haven't had the urge yet, but I know it will come. I just hope I'm strong enough. I've realized that what I did was my "hobby": come home, crack a bottle of wine, make myself dinner, crack another bottle, then proceed into oblivion on the couch. So I thought, I need a new routine. I'm still working on it. Ideally, I'd come home, work out, clean the house, save a few starving children and brush up on a little physics at bedtime. But the truth is, this is not the time to be perfect. This is the time to get sober. Be nice to yourself! So, I threw away the guilt, I come home, I relax with a crossword puzzle, make a delicious dinner, treat myself to a small dessert (lot less calories than 1.5 bottles of wine!) and then watch a movie or read a book, in bed by 10...because now, tomorrows are important to me.
As for something to do after work, I can totally relate. My hubby works nights so I get home and it's just me...for hours. And there's still all this wine in the house! Luckily I haven't had the urge yet, but I know it will come. I just hope I'm strong enough. I've realized that what I did was my "hobby": come home, crack a bottle of wine, make myself dinner, crack another bottle, then proceed into oblivion on the couch. So I thought, I need a new routine. I'm still working on it. Ideally, I'd come home, work out, clean the house, save a few starving children and brush up on a little physics at bedtime. But the truth is, this is not the time to be perfect. This is the time to get sober. Be nice to yourself! So, I threw away the guilt, I come home, I relax with a crossword puzzle, make a delicious dinner, treat myself to a small dessert (lot less calories than 1.5 bottles of wine!) and then watch a movie or read a book, in bed by 10...because now, tomorrows are important to me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
I hate that I come home and drink beers. Then two hours later my wife and daughter come home. Then my 2 year old goes to bed. Then I am so tired and buzzed that I go to bed at 8:30 or 9, and my wife is up by herself. I need a better plan. I am sure that if I came home and cleaned that house or did some chores I would gain some points with my wife. But, without the alcohol I have no confidence in the "relations" department with my wife. That is one reason that I drink, although 99% it leads to no "relations" anyway. It is like a need to be prepared. I am trying to nor be graphic, but it is really one reason I drink. I can explain better if anyone wants to PM me.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Stay stopped. That's a tall order. Play a game with daughter. Easy enough.
Doing a household chore, wow. Service work. You're on track here.
Focus on your self. Be nice. Don't take out any negative emotions on anyone. They may surface when not numbing self.
Get a pad of paper and write things you're grateful for. Journal thoughts.
Being sober, one day after another, is a great amends to self and family.
Maybe an aa speker to listen to. Meeting? That can wait. Relationship with wife? Get soberer, you'll figure that out eventually.
Don't create more stress now. You have enough driving home. Journal thoughts that arise and let them go. One thing at a time.
Do let wife know that you think you don't need to drink, but do need to live life, which is why you aren't doing what you used to do. It Will Get Better!
Doing a household chore, wow. Service work. You're on track here.
Focus on your self. Be nice. Don't take out any negative emotions on anyone. They may surface when not numbing self.
Get a pad of paper and write things you're grateful for. Journal thoughts.
Being sober, one day after another, is a great amends to self and family.
Maybe an aa speker to listen to. Meeting? That can wait. Relationship with wife? Get soberer, you'll figure that out eventually.
Don't create more stress now. You have enough driving home. Journal thoughts that arise and let them go. One thing at a time.
Do let wife know that you think you don't need to drink, but do need to live life, which is why you aren't doing what you used to do. It Will Get Better!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi WWG -
I think we all feel really bad about ourselves by the time we realize we need help. I know I did. Part of it was the depression/anxiety caused by drinking, and I think the other part was trying to manage it and failing all the time.... I felt like a total loser.
I wanted to believe I was strong enough to beat this thing on my own (that usually meant I'd try to drink less, or drink today and stop tomorrow). I guess I didn't want to admit I was just like millions of other alcoholics who couldn't control their drinking. Of course, when I finally did, the solution was clear.
Be kind to yourself and patient with the process. Don't worry about doing things sober just yet (like intimacy). Give yourself the time you need. Trust that things will work out when they're supposed to. We're rooting for you!
I think we all feel really bad about ourselves by the time we realize we need help. I know I did. Part of it was the depression/anxiety caused by drinking, and I think the other part was trying to manage it and failing all the time.... I felt like a total loser.
I wanted to believe I was strong enough to beat this thing on my own (that usually meant I'd try to drink less, or drink today and stop tomorrow). I guess I didn't want to admit I was just like millions of other alcoholics who couldn't control their drinking. Of course, when I finally did, the solution was clear.
Be kind to yourself and patient with the process. Don't worry about doing things sober just yet (like intimacy). Give yourself the time you need. Trust that things will work out when they're supposed to. We're rooting for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
I went home with the best intentions, but picked up some beers. Feel awful today, worse than normal. Tonight I will not drink. I want to make my wife a fantastic dinner. I hate having this secret and sitting here feeling crummy all day at work.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Walkingwithgod wrote:
Leaving work soon, now I have the debate stop for beers or maybe go get a coffee, I have this anxiety.
What debate? There is no debating if you are trying to quit drinking. There is just "NO." No beer! If you debate with the alcoholic mind you are going to lose.
Look what you wrote in your previous post, "Tonight I will not drink."
That's it. End of debate.
Listen, all of us here have struggled with alcohol. Some mightily. That seems to be the case with you. But if you are going to quit it is time to stop splashing around in the kiddie pool. Time to jump into the deep end.
Good luck.
Leaving work soon, now I have the debate stop for beers or maybe go get a coffee, I have this anxiety.
What debate? There is no debating if you are trying to quit drinking. There is just "NO." No beer! If you debate with the alcoholic mind you are going to lose.
Look what you wrote in your previous post, "Tonight I will not drink."
That's it. End of debate.
Listen, all of us here have struggled with alcohol. Some mightily. That seems to be the case with you. But if you are going to quit it is time to stop splashing around in the kiddie pool. Time to jump into the deep end.
Good luck.
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