Day 4 had first AA
 

Well today is day 4 and it feels great to wake up Sunday morning without a hangover.

Last night I went to my first AA meeting.
Everyone was so welcoming and I even shared a little. I got immediate advice and support on the things I talked about.

They were really nice to me. I have to admit felt a little uncomfortable at first, and I even felt like drinking for the first 20 mins. By the end of it, particularly the sharing of some of the people there I totally lost the feeling of wanting to drink.

I heard other stories and realized I didnt want to go through what some people went through. I have been through enough already

I got a copy of the Big Book to keep me busy.

Today I am gonna be busy doing stuff that I should have done last week, when I was binging. Feel a bit of pressure to finish this stuff quickly.

I felt a little anxious when in the supermarket today. For some reason, I feel like people are watching me or something. A kind of paranoia which I get sometimes after massive binges. It usually goes away and I am fine.
I am fine now.

I know that by drinking beer, it will go away for 2 hours but it comes back tenfold and much worse during hangovers. I know now that drinking has made my anxiety worse, rather then better.

Ok now, to go fix up some stuff that should have been done while drinking. Its gonna be a busy one today. I really wanna make it to next weeks meeting without a relapse. Im gonna be posting and reading here everyday.

It inspires me to here everyones stories.

sounds like you're makeing some good decisions, quickbeam :)

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I'm SO glad to hear that, quickbeam. You're right about the anxiety - I had the same problem.

You sound so positive - looking forward to the future, instead of filled with dread. It'll keep getting better, you'll see.

You will :) Just focus on the now, though, and let next week take care of itself.

Re: paranoia, I can really relate to your experience. I harboured a lot of shame back when I was I was in the closet (I'm gay). Back then, I was convinced that total strangers were scrutinizing me. It was very unnerving, I couldn't even walk down a street without feeling that I was being watched and judged.

Turns out that I was the one who was judging myself mercilessly, carting a tonne of shame wherever I went. When I realised this and began practicing self-acceptance and other stuff, the shame lessened considerably and the paranoia stopped dead on its tracks. Like you said, drinking made it much worse, again, the Shame.

So it *usually* happens when you project your own repressed feelings on other people. This may not be your case, but it won't hurt to ask yourself what you're really feeling, deep down, and pay attention to the answer :)

It's good to know that your first AA meeting went well :)

Give time time. You didn't do all the drinking in a week, everything is slow and easy or you'll stress yourself out!!! Let your mind and body heal.

I filed sprint under C for cell phone.....relax! And Laptop (broken) also filed under C for computer. I was trying early in recovery...
I drank daily. I attend meetings daily.