I Cave In!
 

I just don't know what got into me but I didn't. I'm leaving with my parents that fight all the time. Most of the time is money which is funny because my dad takes in 1k a week and does not work. I could always leave but they are very controlling and the only place I can go is 8 hours away and I need to get my insurance, so I can't drive. Most likely if I leave, they would drive to where I would be a fight all day about it until I go home with them. It's hard for me to get away from this life, I just don't have much time to myself which I enjoy so much. Dee would understand about this.

I got lay off from my job so thats why I don't have insurance. It sucks but thats the way life goes. Anyway, my dad was yelling in the car about money and that my mom need to get one of teeth replace and its going to cost 2k to do so. He was dropping me off at the gym and I told them that, I was going to walk to the movies. To get away from this crap. He then say I want to join. I said I wanted to go alone. (I'm around this person 12 hours a day.) Why do you want to go alone, what are you going to do. I'm 28, I don't need a day plan for every 30 minutes of the day. I said that in my head. Anyway, I told him never mind. Just pick me up in an hour and half.

I was hitting in the gym and I didn't have my headphones and couldn't get into working out. So I did my route, as fast as I can. I just couldn't get into that groove I get when I workout. I was stress out and wanted to get a away. I went to the movies and look at the time. Then I join to the game/bar place. I was nervous at first because I try this before and I had 5 day binge drinking. Anyway, the nervous went away because things was different which happen a few weeks away. I don't know what but things were. I jump on the bar stool and order Sam Adam's. Got the beer and as how much was it. 4.25. OMG, I forgot how much beer were at the bar. Well I drank it and had a second one. I was short one time and need to make it quick. I only drank half of it which sucks but I paid and went to the GNC store to buy a protein bar to mask the smell. I walk back to the gym where my dad was and I got in and went home I was nervous that he may smell beer but never. I'm home and chilling. Feeling better and good. That's my story.

I know I should have deal with it but I did it this way and feel good about it. Just here to share.

Well, Sweetie. Looks like English is your second language right about now. Sorry you caved. I hate it for you.

You know where to go from here. Keep close.

Much love.
:grouphug:

LOL. No English is my first language but I'm not good with writing. You should not feel sorry about it. I choice to had those 2 beers and don't regret it. Just need to have a few minutes to myself and move on from it. Didn't get drunk but did have a 30 minute buzz which went away. Won't he drinking for a long time anyway but it is what it is.

I decide to not living in the pass and look forward and control myself.

yeah, I do understand about parents and family getting all up in your face - but come on man, you know that's not the answer...

Pretending like it's nothing and saying you feel good about it isn't doing you any favours either - that just opens the door to doing this again...and with you living at home and being unemployed chances are days like this will happen again....

and when you get caught doing drinking...and you will - that will simply reinforce your parents attitudes - and make things even worse for you.

Act10n....I've had to accept I will never change my parents - but I can change myself.

I can change how I react and I can change the way I let them push my buttons.

Whether you want to admit it or not, you let your addiction win today act10n...pls be very careful with what you do next.

I know you don't like the idea of face to face support - but I'd really recommend you look into doing something more than what you've been doing, man.

It's in your best interests, mate.

D

Honesty? What other options did you have? You took the hard way out if you are in recovery. You are being honest with us about what you did, and I have no judgement. Just check how honest you are with yourself.

Actionpack, I really think that Dee has given you some good advice. You need outside personal support of some kind to give you some direction. I don't want to tell people how to live their lives but at the same time I want to aknowledge what you are going through and support you.
Take Care
Cai Hong

ACT10Npack,

I only have three words of advice: knock it off !

Your prior problems with alcohol should be enough reason to quit, but if you think that your parents are meddling in your business now, just imagine how much worse it will be if they catch you drinking.

I had a few moments like that in my career. I managed to sneak a couple of drinks into what was a bad day and it felt better. But, then, the allergy was triggered. I went to bed and woke up the next day with physical cravings and intense mental obsession. So much for getting away with it!

Have you considered what feeling good about "getting away with it" is going to do for your next challenging moment? When life is pummeling you down to the pavement, you might refer to this memory and think: it went well. I did that too, and, what inevitably happened was that it never went well the next time!

It's the next day and nothing has happen. No craving or triggering. Not going to be drinking today or the next day. Feeling good. I will tell you if I go down the rabbit hole but nothing this time around.