Repeated Attempts at Sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 42
Repeated Attempts at Sobriety
Just signed up...guess I could use some encouraging words or advice.
I have tried repeatedly to abstain from alcohol for extended periods of time with no real success. I think I have gone in the past few years was about a month.
I used to drink every single day, so at least I don't do that anymore, but I really want to not drink for a long time and hopefully feel better and not hopeless about the sober life.
Today is day 3. Sleep has been horrible. The first day was so riddled with anxiety, uncertainty and desperation that I could not wait for the day to end. It was the worst it has ever been.
And that tells me that my alcoholism is only progressing. These days the hangovers are not even about feeling sick or tired or having a headache - it's the anxiety that kills me.
Anyways I'll wrap it up. I'm sure I will post more on here, but I feel good about not drinking (in most ways at least).
Hoping it gets better...
I have tried repeatedly to abstain from alcohol for extended periods of time with no real success. I think I have gone in the past few years was about a month.
I used to drink every single day, so at least I don't do that anymore, but I really want to not drink for a long time and hopefully feel better and not hopeless about the sober life.
Today is day 3. Sleep has been horrible. The first day was so riddled with anxiety, uncertainty and desperation that I could not wait for the day to end. It was the worst it has ever been.
And that tells me that my alcoholism is only progressing. These days the hangovers are not even about feeling sick or tired or having a headache - it's the anxiety that kills me.
Anyways I'll wrap it up. I'm sure I will post more on here, but I feel good about not drinking (in most ways at least).
Hoping it gets better...
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Welcome! I have 93 days in a row. If I can do, so can you! It ALL gets better!! Give time time. Try journaling your feelings and thoughts. It may help pass time..I didn't do it daily in the beginning and now I wish I had.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,928
It does get better and the beterer it gets and the longer you have been sober the easier it gets. You come to a point where you realize that you never want to go through those early days of recovery again so it's just not worth taking a drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 42
The hard part for me has been sticking with it for more than two weeks. That has been my cutting off point the last few times. I go two weeks, start feeling good and figure that I can have just a few drinks - and I know that I can't, but my mind still likes to play tricks on me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 95
Welcome. Trying on my own was miserable. My solution - drugss and alcohol -was gone. When I tried to control it, I would stop at 9 or so, and actually get a hangover that night - before bed! That gut-wrenching feeling that the book Alcoholic Anonymous calls "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization." Ouch. Step 1 was the only relief I could get. When I truly read the Big Book, starting at the very beginning, forewards and all, then the big one for me - The Doctor's Opinion - I couldn't help but continue through the first 40-50 pages. That's when I knew I was experiencing a common problem and that there was a common solution. I began the search for finding the right AA meetings. I started by calling a recovered friend and the central office in my area. I have since met the most amazing people in my life - and they're like me! You really don't have to live this way anymore, and you don't have to white-knuckle it. The power of the program of recovery will bury the power of alcohol and drugs, as hard as it is to believe in the beginning. Just know there are cool people all around you right now - within a few miles - who are willing - they need to - to share their experience, strength and hope with you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Welcome. I also have had many day 1's over the past 2 years with a couple months of sobriety but the important thing is that your still givin it another shot. Im on day 5 and finally feelin a little better today so it does get better!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 42
Thanks for the replies! It always helps to talk it out, and I don't think most people I know really want to hear it...they've either heard it all before and just don't believe me anymore or they are themselves drinkers that don't care to move on.
I have been through substance abuse classes, two DUI's, AA (not by choice), and now I am finally to move on on my own determination - not bc of court order or classes, but bc I feel ready and can't really imagine continuing on like I have.
I never really got into the AA classes - but maybe I just never found a good group or resented it bc I was forced to go and not by my own will.
Either way, thanks for the support. I need it!
I have been through substance abuse classes, two DUI's, AA (not by choice), and now I am finally to move on on my own determination - not bc of court order or classes, but bc I feel ready and can't really imagine continuing on like I have.
I never really got into the AA classes - but maybe I just never found a good group or resented it bc I was forced to go and not by my own will.
Either way, thanks for the support. I need it!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Step 1 helplessness
It only gets worse.
I humbled my self, went to a meeting and asked for help. I was powerless over my drinking, my life was unmanageable. Today, my life is awesome, manageable and I am sober!
Welcome home!
It only gets worse.
I humbled my self, went to a meeting and asked for help. I was powerless over my drinking, my life was unmanageable. Today, my life is awesome, manageable and I am sober!
Welcome home!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: -
Posts: 37
Hi Stavros, I almost could've written your post. I've had so many Day 1's, it's crazy. I also used to drink daily, even mornings. I no longer do that, no longer want to, but the urge to drink, a mental obsession for me, is so strong sometimes that I still reach for it once or twice a week. I've struggled to "control" it for years, but still end up feeling defeated. When I'm sober for any extended time I feel great, almost high on life, but it doesn't last and I again crave the feelings alcohol gives me. You're not alone. I've been spending time on this board, mostly reading, and reading a lot about alcoholism. The longest I've abstained is 6 weeks, I'd love to do that again. Welcome to SR, hope you stick around.
Last edited by YouAndTequila; 08-17-2011 at 07:26 AM. Reason: added
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 181
Stavros . . . welcome! I think you are so right about other not really wanting to hear from us, or not understanding us, or not caring because they want to keep drinking. This is what makes a board like this so important. We're glad you're here!
I tried too to quit on my own. And, I was 'only' drinking about 50% of the days in a month and when I drank, I was convinced it was a lot less. It was a battle everyday.
One night, I came home and went to get a little buzz. 'Under the radar' is what I called it. But, I flew straight through that and into a full blown drunk. The wife was pissed (last straw . . . even tho I was a happy drunk that particular night) and done. The next morning, I realized that I really couldn't control it (after a couple of decades???). Once I started, I didn't know where it was going.
This realization was a true COMFORT to me. Which, I found very odd and a little confusing. I thought when I finally realized it was out of my control, I would be devastated, crazed, depressed, whatever. But, knowing that I couldn't control it, made things clearer for me. It became black and white. Drink (with consequences) or don't. I no longer had to sttruggle with 'controlling' something I couldn't.
I'm on day 23 (which I find amazing). It hasn't been all easy, but it has been all rewarding.
AA, after much, much, much denial . . .has proven to be a wonderful help - well beyond any expectations.
Just my story . . .I hope something may help. All the best and keep posting here no matter what!
I tried too to quit on my own. And, I was 'only' drinking about 50% of the days in a month and when I drank, I was convinced it was a lot less. It was a battle everyday.
One night, I came home and went to get a little buzz. 'Under the radar' is what I called it. But, I flew straight through that and into a full blown drunk. The wife was pissed (last straw . . . even tho I was a happy drunk that particular night) and done. The next morning, I realized that I really couldn't control it (after a couple of decades???). Once I started, I didn't know where it was going.
This realization was a true COMFORT to me. Which, I found very odd and a little confusing. I thought when I finally realized it was out of my control, I would be devastated, crazed, depressed, whatever. But, knowing that I couldn't control it, made things clearer for me. It became black and white. Drink (with consequences) or don't. I no longer had to sttruggle with 'controlling' something I couldn't.
I'm on day 23 (which I find amazing). It hasn't been all easy, but it has been all rewarding.
AA, after much, much, much denial . . .has proven to be a wonderful help - well beyond any expectations.
Just my story . . .I hope something may help. All the best and keep posting here no matter what!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I'm glad you found us.
I think you might be finding that the abstaining from alcohol is only part of the issue. Alcholism is a symptom and you need to start dealing with the underlying issues and reasons that you are needing alcohol to deal with your life. It's hard to do, but the changes have to come from the inside.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
I think you might be finding that the abstaining from alcohol is only part of the issue. Alcholism is a symptom and you need to start dealing with the underlying issues and reasons that you are needing alcohol to deal with your life. It's hard to do, but the changes have to come from the inside.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by Anna 
I'm glad you found us.
I think you might be finding that the abstaining from alcohol is only part of the issue. Alcholism is a symptom and you need to start dealing with the underlying issues and reasons that you are needing alcohol to deal with your life. It's hard to do, but the changes have to come from the inside.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
I think you might be finding that the abstaining from alcohol is only part of the issue. Alcholism is a symptom and you need to start dealing with the underlying issues and reasons that you are needing alcohol to deal with your life. It's hard to do, but the changes have to come from the inside.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
I appreciate all the posts on here. It's amazing to see how many people that I don't even know have caring and insightful things to say
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by stuartp
Stavros . . . welcome! I think you are so right about other not really wanting to hear from us, or not understanding us, or not caring because they want to keep drinking. This is what makes a board like this so important. We're glad you're here!
I tried too to quit on my own. And, I was 'only' drinking about 50% of the days in a month and when I drank, I was convinced it was a lot less. It was a battle everyday.
One night, I came home and went to get a little buzz. 'Under the radar' is what I called it. But, I flew straight through that and into a full blown drunk. The wife was pissed (last straw . . . even tho I was a happy drunk that particular night) and done. The next morning, I realized that I really couldn't control it (after a couple of decades???). Once I started, I didn't know where it was going.
This realization was a true COMFORT to me. Which, I found very odd and a little confusing. I thought when I finally realized it was out of my control, I would be devastated, crazed, depressed, whatever. But, knowing that I couldn't control it, made things clearer for me. It became black and white. Drink (with consequences) or don't. I no longer had to sttruggle with 'controlling' something I couldn't.
I'm on day 23 (which I find amazing). It hasn't been all easy, but it has been all rewarding.
AA, after much, much, much denial . . .has proven to be a wonderful help - well beyond any expectations.
Just my story . . .I hope something may help. All the best and keep posting here no matter what!
I tried too to quit on my own. And, I was 'only' drinking about 50% of the days in a month and when I drank, I was convinced it was a lot less. It was a battle everyday.
One night, I came home and went to get a little buzz. 'Under the radar' is what I called it. But, I flew straight through that and into a full blown drunk. The wife was pissed (last straw . . . even tho I was a happy drunk that particular night) and done. The next morning, I realized that I really couldn't control it (after a couple of decades???). Once I started, I didn't know where it was going.
This realization was a true COMFORT to me. Which, I found very odd and a little confusing. I thought when I finally realized it was out of my control, I would be devastated, crazed, depressed, whatever. But, knowing that I couldn't control it, made things clearer for me. It became black and white. Drink (with consequences) or don't. I no longer had to sttruggle with 'controlling' something I couldn't.
I'm on day 23 (which I find amazing). It hasn't been all easy, but it has been all rewarding.
AA, after much, much, much denial . . .has proven to be a wonderful help - well beyond any expectations.
Just my story . . .I hope something may help. All the best and keep posting here no matter what!
Alcohol has been good at helping me to forget all the problems and pain it has caused in my life, but that's about it.
I will keep posting. I never felt the desire to share in AA - it's a lot easier on here when I'm not face-to-face w everyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by twilli59
Welcome. Trying on my own was miserable. My solution - drugss and alcohol -was gone. When I tried to control it, I would stop at 9 or so, and actually get a hangover that night - before bed! That gut-wrenching feeling that the book Alcoholic Anonymous calls "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization." Ouch. Step 1 was the only relief I could get. When I truly read the Big Book, starting at the very beginning, forewards and all, then the big one for me - The Doctor's Opinion - I couldn't help but continue through the first 40-50 pages. That's when I knew I was experiencing a common problem and that there was a common solution. I began the search for finding the right AA meetings. I started by calling a recovered friend and the central office in my area. I have since met the most amazing people in my life - and they're like me! You really don't have to live this way anymore, and you don't have to white-knuckle it. The power of the program of recovery will bury the power of alcohol and drugs, as hard as it is to believe in the beginning. Just know there are cool people all around you right now - within a few miles - who are willing - they need to - to share their experience, strength and hope with you.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Welcome stavros, and thanks for joining us! There are so many wonderful people at this site that have helped me in my recovery; I hope you will find some words here that help you as well.
I'm very familiar with repeated attempts to stop drinking. Unfortunately, it took getting my second DUI before the "light bulb" went off. I hope things do not have to progress that far for you.
I'm also very familiar with the anxiety associated with drinking. Since I've put down the booze, my anxiety issues have gotten immeasurably better. I used to be a nervous wreck. Now I live in a peace and contentment with my life that I never thought possible.
Again, thanks for being here. I hope you'll hang around a while.
I'm very familiar with repeated attempts to stop drinking. Unfortunately, it took getting my second DUI before the "light bulb" went off. I hope things do not have to progress that far for you.
I'm also very familiar with the anxiety associated with drinking. Since I've put down the booze, my anxiety issues have gotten immeasurably better. I used to be a nervous wreck. Now I live in a peace and contentment with my life that I never thought possible.
Again, thanks for being here. I hope you'll hang around a while.
Poison Eater Extraordinaire
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 1,031
My anxiety was awful when I drank. I usually detox at home and it seems to me it takes a good 10 days for the anxiety to go away (but it usually reduces significantly after day 5). One of the worst parts of drinking for me was the anxiety it produced and feeling like I could not do anything (grocery shopping, talking to people, cleaning up the house) without a drink.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I had to hit a horrible bottom (came within a hair's breath of dying) to finally get "it" ... that I'm an alcoholic who is powerless over alcohol. That drove me to AA, where I was so afraid and defeated I took suggestions for a change. Someone reminded me that my best thinking got me into the rooms of AA. Went to a meeting each day, got a sponsor, called people, started being honest. I got better, my life improved dramatically and I was able to repair some of the wreckage of the past. For a while I hated AA but grew to see it as the most valuable tool I have. I'm just someone who could not have gotten -- or stayed -- sober on my own, I need the support of others to help me get through it.
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