Repeated Attempts at Sobriety
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello there and welcome to sr.
i am glad you said you may decide to give AA another go...i tried it a few times and "didnt get it" didnt want it and didnt enjoy it....
then i found myself in a position where all my human willpower regarding alcohol had totally and utterly left me....i could stop for little periods of time too...but always always that obsession in my mind kept taking me back to picking up drink by telling me i would be alright this time...i would manage better...i wont get in as much trouble...blah blah...of course it just got worse.
by the end of my drinking if my eyes were open i had a bottle in my mouth and that was the progression of the illness...not outer circumstances getting worse...they were just consiquences...i was craving alcohol so bad.
i tried going to meetings alone and this did not work..i am an alcoholic of the type which the medical profession regard as hopeless...the type the big book was written for.
ask yourself these two questions-
if when you honestly want to you find you cannot quit entirely...
or if when drinking you have little or no control over the amount you take...
if you answer yes to these questions then you are like me and meetings alone will not keep you sober.
alcoholics anonymous was started for the sole purpose of carrying the message of the 12 step program to the still suffering alcoholic.
do you know what, i cannot put into words how wonderful my life is since going through the steps and applying them to my daily living...it was a relief to be given a set of instructions if you like to live by...it cant fail if i put the work in.
and the joy i get in helping others with this is indescribable.
if you have any questions please feel free to pm me.
WELCOME
i am glad you said you may decide to give AA another go...i tried it a few times and "didnt get it" didnt want it and didnt enjoy it....
then i found myself in a position where all my human willpower regarding alcohol had totally and utterly left me....i could stop for little periods of time too...but always always that obsession in my mind kept taking me back to picking up drink by telling me i would be alright this time...i would manage better...i wont get in as much trouble...blah blah...of course it just got worse.
by the end of my drinking if my eyes were open i had a bottle in my mouth and that was the progression of the illness...not outer circumstances getting worse...they were just consiquences...i was craving alcohol so bad.
i tried going to meetings alone and this did not work..i am an alcoholic of the type which the medical profession regard as hopeless...the type the big book was written for.
ask yourself these two questions-
if when you honestly want to you find you cannot quit entirely...
or if when drinking you have little or no control over the amount you take...
if you answer yes to these questions then you are like me and meetings alone will not keep you sober.
alcoholics anonymous was started for the sole purpose of carrying the message of the 12 step program to the still suffering alcoholic.
do you know what, i cannot put into words how wonderful my life is since going through the steps and applying them to my daily living...it was a relief to be given a set of instructions if you like to live by...it cant fail if i put the work in.
and the joy i get in helping others with this is indescribable.
if you have any questions please feel free to pm me.
WELCOME
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
Welcome to SR, first and foremost! Glad that you are here with us. Wonderful forums here.
Towards the end of my drinking days, the anxiety was crippling. Esp. since I was already dual diagnosis with several mental disorders.
You can do this. One step at a time and one day at a time. It may seem overwhelming, I know that with me - it took several relapses until I finally stopped because the idea of never drinking again was overwhelming to me. I started out drinking to ease my anxiety and ended up having the alcohol cause more! Insanity it is. Our addict brains play dirty tricks on us, trying to keep us prisoner until it succeeds in killing us.
I agree that writing about all of this is a wonderful idea. I write but mine is thru poetry A lot of people do find it helpful to have face to face support weather it be AA/NA, other recovery programs, therapists, addiction counselors, etc.
Keep posting, keep us updated and keep reaching out. We are here for you!!
-Jess
Towards the end of my drinking days, the anxiety was crippling. Esp. since I was already dual diagnosis with several mental disorders.
You can do this. One step at a time and one day at a time. It may seem overwhelming, I know that with me - it took several relapses until I finally stopped because the idea of never drinking again was overwhelming to me. I started out drinking to ease my anxiety and ended up having the alcohol cause more! Insanity it is. Our addict brains play dirty tricks on us, trying to keep us prisoner until it succeeds in killing us.
I agree that writing about all of this is a wonderful idea. I write but mine is thru poetry
A lot of people do find it helpful to have face to face support weather it be AA/NA, other recovery programs, therapists, addiction counselors, etc. Keep posting, keep us updated and keep reaching out. We are here for you!!
-Jess
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Stav-
My background is very similar to yours. The everyday drinking, DUIs, classes, forced AA. Blah blah blah.
The truth is - I still felt like I had a few more drinks in me.
Last February I hit my bottom. I HAD to quit and I needed to do it NOW! It sounds like you find yourself in a similar situation - that you want to quit NOW and stay quit.
First, I recommend that you get straight to a doctor and tell them how much you were drinking and that you are quiting. There are things they can give to help through the first week. It was the 2nd best thing I did.
I was never an AA drop-out since I never was really "in." The morning I quit I found the first AA meeing at 8am and just showed up. I was a little early so I had a chance to talk to someone a little bit before the meeting. I looked quite confused and sh!tty.
They guy said "Hello- is there something we can help you with?"
I said "I need some help."
He said "THen you've come to the right place. Why don't you sit down and I'll bring you some coffee." We talked for about 1/2 an hour and then we had the meeting.
I took the whole week off and went to about 3-5 AA meetings a day just to get me over the "hump." Whereas I went to in-patient treatment, I think it was that first week that set the stage for the next six months.
Having someone to call, talk to, talk to you, understand you and what you're going through is so incredibly helpful.
No one is going to tell you that you need to "join" the program or that to be there you HAVE to follow the steps. The steps are recommendations and at some point you may decide to give them a shot. It's your sobriety and it's YOUR program.
A healthy diet with greens, sodium, and carbs is what most treatment centers offer up (I've visited others as an AA member since my own stay) to replenish the body of nutrients alcohol blocks from absorption.
Allow yourself to feel crappy and to **** and moan about how you feel. If you find people in the fellowship of AA they will see a person who is suffering in the short term to get better in the long term.
Finally, the best advice I ever got - "This too shall pass."
The cravings, anxiety, nervousness, bad thoughts will only last a short time-often a minute or two, maybe less. No one says it's easy, but it is simple and many of us have been right where you are now so I PROMISE that I COMPLETELY understand the craziness you are probably feeling.
Find your focus and your center.
Peace,
SPG
My background is very similar to yours. The everyday drinking, DUIs, classes, forced AA. Blah blah blah.
The truth is - I still felt like I had a few more drinks in me.
Last February I hit my bottom. I HAD to quit and I needed to do it NOW! It sounds like you find yourself in a similar situation - that you want to quit NOW and stay quit.
First, I recommend that you get straight to a doctor and tell them how much you were drinking and that you are quiting. There are things they can give to help through the first week. It was the 2nd best thing I did.
I was never an AA drop-out since I never was really "in." The morning I quit I found the first AA meeing at 8am and just showed up. I was a little early so I had a chance to talk to someone a little bit before the meeting. I looked quite confused and sh!tty.
They guy said "Hello- is there something we can help you with?"
I said "I need some help."
He said "THen you've come to the right place. Why don't you sit down and I'll bring you some coffee." We talked for about 1/2 an hour and then we had the meeting.
I took the whole week off and went to about 3-5 AA meetings a day just to get me over the "hump." Whereas I went to in-patient treatment, I think it was that first week that set the stage for the next six months.
Having someone to call, talk to, talk to you, understand you and what you're going through is so incredibly helpful.
No one is going to tell you that you need to "join" the program or that to be there you HAVE to follow the steps. The steps are recommendations and at some point you may decide to give them a shot. It's your sobriety and it's YOUR program.
A healthy diet with greens, sodium, and carbs is what most treatment centers offer up (I've visited others as an AA member since my own stay) to replenish the body of nutrients alcohol blocks from absorption.
Allow yourself to feel crappy and to **** and moan about how you feel. If you find people in the fellowship of AA they will see a person who is suffering in the short term to get better in the long term.
Finally, the best advice I ever got - "This too shall pass."
The cravings, anxiety, nervousness, bad thoughts will only last a short time-often a minute or two, maybe less. No one says it's easy, but it is simple and many of us have been right where you are now so I PROMISE that I COMPLETELY understand the craziness you are probably feeling.
Find your focus and your center.
Peace,
SPG
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Hi Stavros! I think you're right - the alcoholism is progressing. In the final days of my drinking career I never had hangovers any more - just the crippling anxiety, as you described. I couldn't sleep, eat, or settle down to anything - just paced & cried.
I felt very alone until I came here. No one in my life understood me, since they were all social drinkers. When I started posting here on a regular basis I found the anxiety & shakiness really settled down. I also was able to stop the guilt and remorse from taking over & ruining my recovery. I learned that was self-defeating & pointless. The misery will subside, & you'll have a whole new life. Glad you are here.
I felt very alone until I came here. No one in my life understood me, since they were all social drinkers. When I started posting here on a regular basis I found the anxiety & shakiness really settled down. I also was able to stop the guilt and remorse from taking over & ruining my recovery. I learned that was self-defeating & pointless. The misery will subside, & you'll have a whole new life. Glad you are here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 42
Thanks to all for the very encouraging replies.
Today is almost at an end - one more day without drinking. I can't say it didn't cross my mind more than once - walked around downtown past all the numerous places I've gotten drunk at at one time or another - conjures up fond memories, painful memories, regretful memories - but in general memories...
But instead of stepping inside, I went home, went for a run, and now my day is almost over, and now I just hope that I can sleep...
Today is almost at an end - one more day without drinking. I can't say it didn't cross my mind more than once - walked around downtown past all the numerous places I've gotten drunk at at one time or another - conjures up fond memories, painful memories, regretful memories - but in general memories...
But instead of stepping inside, I went home, went for a run, and now my day is almost over, and now I just hope that I can sleep...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 471
I had horrible anxiety as well. It took me a long time to realize that alcohol was only making it soooo much worse! Towards the end of my drinking when I was trying to "control" it by only drinking on the weekends I really realized how much anxiety was affecting me after I drank. Now that I'm sober I still have anxiety (I've always had it to some extent, hence the drinking) but it's much more manageable. You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 42
Sleep was better last night. I feel like I could have slept all day, but work to do. Day 4 is starting out well - a whole lot less anxiety than I've been experiencing, and probably 1000x better than day 1.
I seriously considered going to a treatment center a few months back, but since I don't have insurance or a whole lot of money and would have to be away from my family for 90 days, I decided against it.
Cold turkey is not easy, but I usually learn things better the hard way, and this is a hard lesson to be learned.
Just need to resist the desire to go buy a twelve pack.
Week one is always the hardest.
Week two is usually pretty smooth.
But then after that I have given up in the past.
So I just need to push through past week two and make it through the month. I've heard that 30 days makes a world of difference.
I seriously considered going to a treatment center a few months back, but since I don't have insurance or a whole lot of money and would have to be away from my family for 90 days, I decided against it.
Cold turkey is not easy, but I usually learn things better the hard way, and this is a hard lesson to be learned.
Just need to resist the desire to go buy a twelve pack.
Week one is always the hardest.
Week two is usually pretty smooth.
But then after that I have given up in the past.
So I just need to push through past week two and make it through the month. I've heard that 30 days makes a world of difference.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Stavros - Just wanted to add my welcome..... Glad you're getting through the withdrawals OK. Waking up without a hangover makes it all worthwhile.
Once we feel better, it's tempting to downplay our problem and think we'll do things differently "this time." Remind yourself it's only the addiction talking to you. You can do this!
Once we feel better, it's tempting to downplay our problem and think we'll do things differently "this time." Remind yourself it's only the addiction talking to you. You can do this!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
