walkingwithgod

I have been reviewing this site for a while. I have written here before, and trying to accept I guess what I really am. I am embarrassed that I come home from work and drink before my wife and daughter get home. When my wife asks how much I drank I just say two, when it is more likely six-eight. And then I have a drink with her after our daughter goes to bed. I took a week off from drinking about 3 weeks ago and woke up feeling good and I felt happier. But, I seem to say every morning that I will not drink, and then on the way home I stop at the store and pick up some beer. It makes me sad and I identify with many stories here. I know that I can take a week off and be fine, but not sure I can do it again. Sorry to ramble just confused. I never thought at 33 I would be a possible drunk, and it makes me sad.

eJoshua

Hi WWG --

I'm glad you're around and posting. For a lot of us, coming the realization that we have a problem is a process, and it sounds like you have started to work through that process.

Alcoholism strikes at any age. I found myself a hopeless, daily drunk at the age of 25, drinking with the gusto of someone who had been doing it for decades.

A lot of quitting involves breaking old routines. I can really understand what you're talking about when you say that, despite your best intentions, you end up stopping for beer on the way home from work. I've been there. I drive home a different route from work now.

Quitting requires a lot of hard work and determination, but if you do it successfully it is one of the most rewarding decisions you will make. It sounds like you are getting to the point where you're sick of the life you're living and ready for a change. This is a really good first step! Change is possible, if you make it happen.

You have the support of everyone here. Keep posting and if you decide to quit we will gladly give you all the advice and support we can.

Best wishes

Mark75

The good news is that you can do something about it!! And you are, you are here posting... Have you considered a program of recovery, reaching out for some face to face help?

Keep coming back.

saphira

Hi WWG... I am 30 years old, and I also had trouble coming to terms with the fact that I am an alcoholic. Even though I was drinking crazy amounts of alcohol, the image I had of an "alcoholic" didn't fit with me and my life. I never got into trouble and I am young!! I thought it took years and years of drinking to become an alcoholic. Six years did it for me. Like eJoshua said above, it really is a process... at least it was for me. It took me awhile to come to terms with the fact that I actually have a problem and that it was affecting my husband and son. Like you, I would vow every morning that I was done and by 5:00 I'd have a drink in my hand. The good news is that life is so much better without alcohol clouding your mind and without having to go through the daily debate of whether or not you're gonna drink.
I wish you the best... there is a lot of support here!! Welcome.

Terminally Unique

Try focusing on the obvious, and not on a diagnosis. If doing something is causing you problems, or is making you feel worse about yourself, wouldn't it be wise to stop doing it?

sugarbear1

You found a supportive online place to hang. There are in person support groups and programs, too.

Welcome!

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

I hope that you decide to stop drinking since alcohol is causing problems in your life.

Zebra1275

When my wife asks how much I drank I just say two, when it is more likely six-eight.

She know's it's not two, otherwise she wouldn't ask.

The only person you are fooling with your lie is yourself. You should come clean with her and tell her you need help, I bet she will be a big support.

walkingwithgod

I look at my 2 year old daughter and feel ashamed of myself. How did I let drinking a few beers on the weekend, become 6-8 after work and everyday. I think what is hardest for me is the 2 or 3 hours i have to myself after work. I have nothing to do or am not motivated to do anything but hang out and drink. I tell myself go for a run/exercise/read etc and agree to that until my ride home when I stop for beers.

twilli59

Hello WWG. Your story mentions several things nonchalantly - a caring wife, home, family, work - these are things this illness will rip away from you without mercy. Perspective is always good - and it may be a relief for you to recognize that it sounds as though your consequences could be much worse. The key now is to determine if you're an alcoholic. I learned - through the book Alcoholics Anonymous and good sponsorship - that external conditions don't prove we're alcoholics. Results of drinking too much look very similar between what the AA big book calls the "hard drinker" and the "real alcoholic." The definitive, one-stop source to determine if you're an alcoholic who needs help or a hard drinker who can stop on your own (in 12-Step recovery, that is) - is The Doctor's Opinion in the book. It is followed by 40-50 pages that provides more info - it's the stuff that created the recovery movement. Join us without reserve if you feel you're one of us - you're in for a journey that is far more than just not drinking - none of us would stay if white-knuckling it without booze was the point. Recovery addresses what's behind the drinking and so much more. It's a new life. Best wishes.

SSIL75

It IS very sad. In early recovery part of my mood was to do with the physical detox but part of it was b/c the horror of my truth unfolded. I wasn't this edgy, fun, carefree mom. I was a self-obsessed, depressed, fat alcoholic with a crumbling marriage and no interests to speak of.

I think it was important to grieve a little. I did feel kind of disconnected from 'her' though. Like the alcoholic was a different person. I remember crying one night with my husband. I was just so sad for that woman.

Have you accepted that you can't drink ever again? That was a key point for me. I actually had to go a step further than 'accept'. I had to embrace it.

ReadyAndAble

It made me sad, too. And scared and a bit hopeless. But guess what? Fast forward 8 months, and I feel great. I enjoy time alone, and time with my daughter, more than ever. In fact sometimes I'm glad I became an alcoholic, because I appreciate the little stuff in life so much more now. Like just waking up in the morning with a clear head and no regrets—that's an amazing feeling!

I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. Now I can't imagine giving up this sense of freedom.

walkingwithgod

I realized that a few weeks ago I could go a week and be fine. I just fear the alone time by myself.

saphira

Why do you fear time by yourself?

walkingwithgod

No sure why I hate being alone. I just feel that I should be doing something with my spare time, and when I don't I get depressed and drink.

Anna

I was very much like you. I never wanted to be alone and wasn't sure why. After getting some perspective on my feelings, I realized that being alone, meant having to listen to the voice in my head, that spouted continuous negative comments. And, the early evening time was the worst for me, too. One thing I did was to change my routines as much as possible. I started with going out for a long walk as soon as I had cleaned up from supper. That helped me on so many levels. And, I learned that the voice in my head was just a voice in my head. It wasn't me, and it didn't control me. In fact, I found that I could turn it off.

Dee74

welcome back to SR walkingwithgod

D

walkingwithgod

Feel like a loser today. I went home drank 7 beers last night. I am disappointed in myself. Today I will stand strong and already planning on going home and making a dinner for my wife, and then watching a movie with her. I tell my self stay sober so that I can stay up through the movie.

instant

The great thing is you don't have to do it anymore. There is a way to get your life back and feel at peace with yourself. I have been there and now I am free.

SSIL75

I think taking the plunge is hard because you don't know yet how great sobriety is. I remember clinging to drinking. My 'last hurrah'. Just one more night/beer.

There is a certain amount of blind trust/faith involved. The alcoholic in you is keeping you drinking. YOU know better.