Innerchild

I dont want to drink and I have but I dont want to use alcohol any longer but Im scared of hospitals I dont want to pumped on drugs. I dont want to kill myself I want to live my dreams I am so sad> My therapist is like come see me before you make that decision.

wellwisher

I see you are struggling. I am hoping you take your therapist's advice and will go see him/her, as he requested.

You are not seeing very clearly now because you continue drinking. You are looking at things through the bottom of an alcohol bottle. It will not make your vision any clearer.

My own personal experience taught me that I had to remove the alcohol before anything got better. It keeps you exactly in the place that you do not want to be.

Please go to your therapist and discuss honestly treatment for the alcoholism. Once we are rid of the addiction, every problem is approachable; step by step.

I truly hope you do this for yourself. Don't let fear or shame stop you. You need to go to any healthly lengths to resolve the problem.

All my best...

artsoul

I've been there - I think we all have at a some point. I've had depression off and on my whole life and used alcohol to turn my mind off. It becomes a vicious cycle, though, because it creates more depression and increases anxiety when we're not drinking.

I found that when I was in that state, every negative thought just led to another negative thought, until my whole life seemed like a nightmare. I don't know what kind of therapist you see, but I had to get the help of a psychiatrist and take anti-depressants to keep me from sinking too far.

A lot of us alcoholics have issues like this, but they can be treated. The most important thing is getting and staying sober. Instead of thinking about the past or the future and getting caught in emotion, just focus on getting through the rest of the day without a drink. If you're not picking up a drink right now, that is a victory. And no matter how you feel, things can get better and your life is worthwhile. :ghug3

sugarbear1

Staying stopped will help. When you are sick & tired of felling sick and tired you can stop battling the bottle and surrender. Those feelings only get worse.

CaiHong

Innerchild,
My heart goes out to your struggle. What the previous posters wrote is so true. It does get better. Step one put down the drink that is all you need to focus on at the moment, the rest will follow.
Cai Hong

Dee74

I really hope you will go see your therapist IC
Take care of yourself

D

nandm

I encourage you to hang in there and talk to your therapist. I know things look really bleak and hopeless right now but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There is one thing we can count on in this life and that is change. Everything changes, everything including us is in a constant state of flux. Today's problems seem overwhelming right now and honestly they are if we see them as one huge problem to deal with. But if we break those things down into manageable segments it makes it more bearable and we can ultimately get through this. When I got to the point of knowing that I could no longer go on living and drinking but not knowing how to live without drinking (My experience was when I tried to stop alcohol I was miserable), I finally had to reach out to have someone help me break the problem down into manageable pieces. What I learned was that I had to see things as just today, not yesterday, not what might happen tomorrow, only today. I would not drink today. I would go to an AA meeting today. I would work on eating healthier today. I would exercise today. I would see my therapist today. etc.... I stayed overwhelmed when I looked at the large picture of the what has happened, what might happen, and what is going on right now. I had to divide it up and deal with the things I could and put aside the things I could not deal with. Then there came a day when everything started falling into place. It did take time and work but it did happen. There is a saying of "Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle". I find it to be very true in my life. Please hang in there, see your therapist and take things one step at a time.

Innerchild

Hey guys, thanks so much for all of your wonderful replies. I wrote a long message today then got it deleted I felt kind of judged...I will just say I went to Hospital for a good twelve hours they released me told me to get help for my depression and stay away from alcohol. Really made a mess out of stuff I am pretty ashamed really.. Thank God for my therapist and close friends I confided in they made me feel better. Day two no alcohol and feeling better. I am trying to work hard at finding a job and new place to stay the living situation is getting worse and its chaotic and not good for my mental stability.

I slept so much better last night not drinking hopefully tonights the same. I am clearer headed I just have to abstain from drinking. Its like throwing water on an electric fire makes things so much worse.

Seeing my therapist again on Monday and she wants me to see a psych and talk to them and maybe get a low level anti depressant. Ill have to think about it. Worked out today, trained my clients, searched for jobs, searched for places to live and got picked up by a guy outside a cafe lol. Not a bad day. I am home now and the husband was here causing all this chaos last night he verbally attacked me. Not drinking though remaining strong.

Innerchild

ps. I didnt want to end my life I cried to my therapist I want to just get better and yes alcohol makes depression and anxiety so much worse.

Dee74

I'm glad you're feeling better IC

I encourage you to give whatever your therapist might suggest a lot of thought and go with it if you can...

I remember when I was having a bad time, back even before I started drinking in earnest, it got so bad for me I was kept at the hospital for a day.

I'm not sure I would have gotten through all that without my therapists guidance - looking back now I really needed that outside perspective to anchor me and guide me, cos I was lost...

It takes a lot of trust...and a bit of faith too...but I'm glad I did

D

Innerchild

Thanks Dee you are so nice. I totally relate. I have no support from my family even my therapist told me do not tell them anything that happened they will make you feel worse. But, I will take her suggestions and I feel like after this I can really trust her. I saw her sporatically bc when I moved I left a great therapist who I just adored and one before her too lol. My binge drinking started when my best friend from high school died but its gotten worse. Last three months it got bad everyday or almost everyday my tolerance went up but havent drank since Mon. and sleeping better so far and wake up feeling a lot better. So hope this feeling continues. Thanks for your support.

sugarbear1

Can you get to an aa meeting so you can make sober friends and increase your support network?

I'm glad you feel better! Stick around here!

wpainterw

Sounds like you're depressed. Medication for that might help. Have you discussed this with your therapist? Alcohol is not a good way to deal with depression since it is a depressant and makes it worse. It's also not a good way to deal with sleeplessness.
Isn't it time to stop beating up on yourself? You're not "worthless"- not by any means. Give yourself a big hug and get into recovery. Good luck.

W.

Klynn33

sounds like you're getting yourself on track, good job! tough, for sure, but even small steps are steps - as long as they're heading in the right direction you're doing the right thing.

stay strong!