Here I go again....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Here I go again....
Hi, I just registered, and feel fortunate for finding all of you. I am a 58 year old female who went to rehab 23 years ago, got sober for 7 years, relapsed for 3 years, got sober for 8 years and started drinking again 4 years ago when I moved cross-country to escape an abusive husband and bad situation. I was lucky to find a pretty decent job that just about paid the bills (and from which I met many friends (at this point they are looking like former friends).
Well, I work for the state govt, and they are laying off 21% of the workforce. I am not a senior employee and am in admnistrative so it looks like I am on the chopping block. I may not have been on the chopping block except that I just recently been constantly missing work because of substance abuse (alcohol most of the time, sometimes xanax and pills). I have lied about the reasons I have missed and am so ashamed and embarrassed. I have been sober since Wednesday, and I think I finally hit rock bottom (God, I hope so). It is a miracle that I haven't drank this weekend. I am all alone in a house with my dogs and am very lonely because the last few years all I have done is drink by myself (usually just on the weekends, but it has gotten worse in the past year) and the only friends I have are from work - the place that I probably won't be much longer. I am so depressed.....I have little money and may lose everything. Maybe I would have been laid off anyway (which I am pretty sure I will be) but I have to think that any preference to me has been erased by my bad attendance this year. I may lose everything. I am scared, ashamed, guilty and so mad at myself. I am too old to be going through this....why didn't I learn??????????? This post is long. I am sorry. I will post shorter in the future. This felt good to get my secret out to someone. If you are still there, thanks for reading.
Well, I work for the state govt, and they are laying off 21% of the workforce. I am not a senior employee and am in admnistrative so it looks like I am on the chopping block. I may not have been on the chopping block except that I just recently been constantly missing work because of substance abuse (alcohol most of the time, sometimes xanax and pills). I have lied about the reasons I have missed and am so ashamed and embarrassed. I have been sober since Wednesday, and I think I finally hit rock bottom (God, I hope so). It is a miracle that I haven't drank this weekend. I am all alone in a house with my dogs and am very lonely because the last few years all I have done is drink by myself (usually just on the weekends, but it has gotten worse in the past year) and the only friends I have are from work - the place that I probably won't be much longer. I am so depressed.....I have little money and may lose everything. Maybe I would have been laid off anyway (which I am pretty sure I will be) but I have to think that any preference to me has been erased by my bad attendance this year. I may lose everything. I am scared, ashamed, guilty and so mad at myself. I am too old to be going through this....why didn't I learn??????????? This post is long. I am sorry. I will post shorter in the future. This felt good to get my secret out to someone. If you are still there, thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 13
Sorry to hear you're going through the ringer hun. I can't offer any advice at the moment as I only joined today & just starting out on the realisation that maybe I got a problem.
But this looks like a good place to start doesn't it?
But this looks like a good place to start doesn't it?
like a thunder bacon punch!
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 76
Hard times indeed. Stick around though, there's a lot of people who have been in similar situations as you and have successfully been able to break free from it all. Just avoid that sirens call of the bottle, it wont do you any favors.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome Sissy! I think its a wonderful opportunity for you to get your feelings out. No worries about how long or short your post is. 
You've been sober enough to know what you have to do. Maybe a new plan this time? I'm happy you found SR. They sure helped me through the rough times! Keep posting and let us know how you are making out.
As far as the job situation....not much I can offer. Just that being sober will keep your mind clear for your next move when and if it happens. You can't change the past...just make a better future for yourself. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Best Wishes To You!
You've been sober enough to know what you have to do. Maybe a new plan this time? I'm happy you found SR. They sure helped me through the rough times! Keep posting and let us know how you are making out.
As far as the job situation....not much I can offer. Just that being sober will keep your mind clear for your next move when and if it happens. You can't change the past...just make a better future for yourself. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Best Wishes To You!
My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 338
Welcome to SR, Sissy. There are lots of people here who went through what you're going through, and worse. Read lots of threads. There's help available. Try to relate, not compare. You're the only one with your exact story, so the only place you'll find it is where you wrote it. Try to identify with the feelings and thoughts of other writers. And do write more. Let us know how you're doing, good and bad. Helping you helps us.
The word "hope" is in your sharing. May you find lots of it as you continue. Sobriety is a foundation you can build on.
My sobriety date is Nov. 27, 1988. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
The word "hope" is in your sharing. May you find lots of it as you continue. Sobriety is a foundation you can build on.
My sobriety date is Nov. 27, 1988. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
Welcome!
We all struggle with life's challenges, and sometimes when we isolate we feel like we are the only one with issues and everybody else's life is wonderful. I just got back from an AA meeting tonight and was reminded that I'm not alone in my struggles.
We all struggle with life's challenges, and sometimes when we isolate we feel like we are the only one with issues and everybody else's life is wonderful. I just got back from an AA meeting tonight and was reminded that I'm not alone in my struggles.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR (((Sissy)))! When I first got here, I was still using, lurked for over a year. When I finally hit my bottom, I still lurked, finally signing in at 6 months in recovery.
I've been through a lot in recovery, but there's always been people here with lots of ES&H. I read a gazillion posts here, many a night and realized I could relate to threads, no matter what substance was abused.
You are, most definitely, not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've been through a lot in recovery, but there's always been people here with lots of ES&H. I read a gazillion posts here, many a night and realized I could relate to threads, no matter what substance was abused.
You are, most definitely, not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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