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Old 08-12-2011, 12:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Spouse who can drink socially


I was just wondering if anyone on here has successfully stopped drinking while being married to/living with someone who can drink responsibly and continued to drink during your recovery....
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Old 08-12-2011, 12:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
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My wife kept drinking at first, but one night the temptation was too great for me and I caved and ended up going on a week long bender. I didn't (and don't) think that's her fault, but honestly, it would have been easier on me if she hadn't been drinking while I was trying to quit. Since then, she's either been totally sober or a lot less obvious with the occasional drink. I think that the best thing to do is see if your significant other would be willing to stay dry for your first thirty days at least, since that seems to be the most difficult period.

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Old 08-12-2011, 01:10 PM   #3 (permalink)
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You can do it, if you are willing to help you. I have no direct experience, all of my men had addictive personalities. Unfortuneately, I'vs lived to bury all 3. Best wishes on your recovery
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Old 08-12-2011, 01:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I am in the process with a husband who drinks, but not responsibly. As I watch him progress through his beers until he is loopy, it reinforces my decision to quit. He is watching me carefully and hopefully he will become motivated to quit. I drank hard liquor and hate beer, that is my saving grace.
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Old 08-12-2011, 01:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I was just wondering if anyone on here has successfully stopped drinking while being married to/living with someone who can drink responsibly and continued to drink during your recovery....
I've had to be in a house with alcohol in sight since day one, and other people who drink normally. It is certainly possible to do, and although it may be more difficult, over time you do become desensitized to it. The upside is that unlike many others, you will hit the ground running, so to speak.
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Old 08-12-2011, 01:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
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When I first sought out to get sober, my partner was completely confused. Should she stop drinking? She didn't really want to stop drinking... She can let her cocktail sit and melt half the night and not be the least bit concerned about it. To her it's totally okay to... (whisper)... pour out wine! But still, alcohol was a big part of our DINK lifestyle (dual income no kids)... We loved our evening cocktails together, even if I was drinking 3 times what she thought I was drinking.

When she started educating herself about my addiction, she soon turned 180 degrees. Now she's all about being sober. It helps her, it helps me, it helps our health. If she wants the taste of beer or wine, which we both love, she gets an NA version. I'm not saying she never drinks but she does NOT drink in front of me unless we've had a specific conversation about it. I love her!

However, I will point out that she is not an alcoholic or addict. It sounds like your husband might be? If that's the case, I wouldn't expect him to come around. It's time to make tough decisions. If you have to, lay it all out for him and tell him what you need. If he can't do it? You'll need to decide what to do about you and your health and sobriety.
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Old 08-12-2011, 02:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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My situation is similar to 'silly'. My wife is no where near an alcoholic. She goes out with the girls for a drink or two on rare occasions. I've actually encouraged her to have the odd drink in front of me if she wants. But she feels guilty about it. I kind of feel like it can maybe help me get used to seeing people drink in the most safe environment possible with someone whom I love, knows what I am going through and will stop if I ask. So far it has happened 2-3 times in the 2 months since I quit. It is a little hard for me, but not unbearable, and it's a part of reality I will have to face in much harsher circumstances later on.
For others though, it may not be the way to go.
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Old 08-12-2011, 03:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi beachlove. My husband has a few beers now & then & it hasn't bothered me. I was so disgusted with myself, and so motivated to quit, that I haven't ever been tempted by the presence of alcohol. I know many people can't be around it, though. It's not one of those one size fits all things.

Glad to see you posting - hope it's going ok for you today.
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Old 08-12-2011, 03:24 PM   #9 (permalink)
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my husband did not quit when i did. He continued to drink every night. It just wasn't an option for me, and his drinking was his business.
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Old 08-12-2011, 05:22 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I was just wondering if anyone on here has successfully stopped drinking while being married to/living with someone who can drink responsibly and continued to drink during your recovery....
Absolutely. My first husband, to whom I was married for the first 6 years after I quit drinking, was a normal, social drinker. He'd have a glass of wine or a beer, then stop; no problem. This really did not bother me. It was my addiction, not his. For the first year or so I asked him not to actually drink in front of me, but there was usually alcohol in the house, and he'd have a beer in another room from time to time.
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Old 08-12-2011, 07:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I'm a single guy so I can't talk about spouse and drinking but at first, it was really hard for me to not drink and have alcohol in the same house. After 8 months since, I told my recovery serious. I only had 3 slip ups and 10 feet from me their is alcohol that I can drink at anytime but I choice not to. At this point of my life, I just want to stay sober. It's really not hard when you don't have that drive to get drunk.

But if your spouse wants to continue to drink then tell them to only bring enough for that night, so that you can't drink any when you can't control your cravings.
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Old 08-12-2011, 07:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I am glad that we never keep alcohol in the house, but I know that you can stay sober, whether or not your husband is drinking.
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Old 08-12-2011, 09:51 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I stopped about 7 weeks ago and just recently there has been some beer in the fridge. I made a point to not have it in the house during the first few weeks. My husband might have a beer or two and then not have any for a couple of weeks. If it starts to bother me, I'll mention it to him. I never drank beer anyway. I drank wine and I don't think I could have that in the house.
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Old 08-12-2011, 10:22 PM   #14 (permalink)
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My Alkie friend calls his wife an alcohol abuser cause she never finishes a drink! lol
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Old 08-13-2011, 02:24 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Since the day I got sober I have either dated or have had “spousal alternatives” (women living with me) who drink. That includes keeping their wines of choice in my home. (No hard liquor kept in the house), that was my poison of choice. I am lucky, it has never been an issue. I rely on AA and my happiness as a sober fellow to be the underpinnings of my sobriety.

The women in my life have also chosen to wear panties and bras and I haven't been tempted to do that either; so far! I just accept the fact that there are differences in our lives.

Sugarbear1; I have always defined alcohol abuse as "ice in single malt scotch."

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