ttbp

Hi SR

Four people that I was in treatment with have now relapsed and one (whilst she was drunk) told me on the phone how easy it's been for me

Well!! IT HAS NOT...And will NOT be easy going forward either. I am doing my best to stay sober, one day at a time. I struggle but I haven't picked up. That doesn't mean it's easy for me

I spoke to my sponsor about this and I know now not to get in to conversations with them if they've been drinking. I will say I will speak to them in the morning/next day once they're sober BUT...

Right now, I'm angry and needed to get that off my chest

Feel much better now

Thanks

MycoolFitz

Hey, there. What's the point of holding on to resentment and anger because others have relapsed into their dis-ease? Those feelings do nothing positive for you and are only harmful. And listening to the words of someone actively drinking is like listening to a seashell and mistaking it for the ocean. Since when was a drunk supposed to make sense or know the truth? Glad you have not picked up. If I were you I'd drop the "yet" from your statement. There is no need to qualify your sobriety. Glad you were able to share and get it behind you. You don't need to carry it around.

ttbp

I have edited it....thanks - you're so right

stanleyhouse

I would say not to speak to them at all. I spend my time with mentally healthy people and we have supportive relationships. I am sorry you have experienced this response, unfortunately it is very common. Congratulations on your sobriety and your hard work.
SH

Threshold

I have found that right now, I need to stay focused on recovery and be around people in recovery, not people who are justifying their own use, relapse or belittling my own recovery efforts.

My relationship with myself is the one I am focusing on. I maintain relationships with people who are able to be supportive of me. If they are tearing me down somehow, I am not equipped to deal with them right now.

I am glad you are here, surrounding yourself with supportive people. Say a prayer, or send a good wish out to the Universe for those people, that they might find sobriety, or whatever it is they need to bring joy to their lives. Doing so has helped me let go of resentments. Realizing that they are on their own journey of discovery and growth, and wishing them the same things I wish for myself...a fulfilling life.

Terminally Unique

I can understand your frustration, since many have told me that I must not have been "alcoholic enough" if I could quit on my own. Since they can't see inside my head, though, these same people have no idea of the horrific cravings I had for many months, or how frequently they came.

The only advice I can give you is to ignore such people, particularly if they are drunk or high. They envy your success and are looking for a way to justify their own lack of success. In a twisted, demented way, they may even want you to drink or use again. Embedded in the suggestion that it has been easy for you this time is the dangerous idea that it would be easy for you again the next time if you were to join them.

Don't listen to them. Keep moving forward.

ttbp

Yes, I had that said to me in treatment too. I was told I hadn't hit my bottom. Personally, I did hit my bottom, surely everyone's has a different experience of how they see 'bottom'

alchy

I know how you feel. My dad told me I am not an alcoholic because I quit so 'easy'. That peaved me off something fierce. He had no idea how much I was drinking or how long, that I was passing out every night or anything I had gone through or was going through. All he knew is that I had quit and hadn't relapsed yet, so that means I am not an alcoholic apparently.
Fortunately we've all had a talk since then and I've totally laid all the cards on the table about my addiction so I don't think he has any doubt I am an alcoholic anymore. I find it actually funny. That I now have to 'convince' someone I am an alcoholic for me to feel better. For years every action I took was to hide that I was an alcoholic. Now I'm mad if someone says I'm not. Oh the irony.
But in your case, I think it may be just people who are trying to make themselves feel better about relapsing. In their minds I'd imagine they figure if you had gone through it as tough as they had you would be drinking too. But I'm sure that's not the case.
Congrats on your sobriety!!!

EmeraldRose

When I went to rehab, I went alone and because I wanted to. I wasn't court appointed, etc. I needed to change me and my alcoholic life.
Others had a hard time believing I could actually 'admit' myself to rehab. It took courage but I did it because I had to.
Alot of the people in my group relapsed. It was not their time. They were not ready. Not seasoned. They were more or less 'forced' to be there and they had no intention of quitting. I DID.
There are a few women I see where I work and all are doing well. I am proud of them. They were ready to change their lives and give themselves up over alcohol.
Don't let anyones inconsistancies and failure attempts hinder your recovery. You are in this for you...not for them...there should be no resentment on your part. They are what they are and their journey is not yours.
Wishing you peace and strength.

sugarbear1

I'm curious to know why you are so upset?

Just curious. For me, I have tools to use today.

michelle01

You have to see this for what it is - somebody speaking out in the middle of their own angst. Nobody has the right to judge somebody else's recovery though, I think the angriest I've ever been in recovery was when someone said I didn't have to work so hard at it because I wasn't a 'real alcoholic'. I put everything into it to turn things around, my heart and soul into recovery, so it felt like a real slap in the face to me.

I relapsed several times before quitting for good. Frankly, at that point, I used to look at those who had succeeded better than I had and think (though I'd never say aloud) they must be special in some way I was not, made of steel or something... of course, I now know better.

Being at two - three months was a difficult time for me, I still felt quite raw and sensitive, I used to vent to my counselor a lot. A lot of what caused my resentment I knew wasn't really logical or rational, it still helped a lot to get it off my chest though.

Stay focused on building your own recovery, don't let this make you feel you don't deserve it. It's worth waiting through this rough patch, I hope you get some better times soon.

Terminally Unique

Being upset is not "bad" if one has a reason for it. Being "angry" is not "bad" if one has a reason for it. Being afraid of and avoiding "feelings" is precisely why people usually get into trouble with alcohol and drugs in the first place, and trying to work through them, which is what ttbp is doing, is the proper thing to do.

If I had to guess, though, I would say that it is because ttbp instinctively suspects that her drunken rehab buddy is trying to discount her experience and drag her down into the gutter with her. Many addicted people make a habit of getting other people hooked on drugs, and just because they get into "recovery" does not mean that they stop this ingrained behavior.

sugarbear1

AVRT, maybe if I added, something to think about. I don't need any answer to the question. I just know I have tools today.

I do agree with all of the posters and with you, AVRT.

[The program I am in also has traditions and principles which I am embracing today, not long ago, I, too, was posessive of the program. Now I realize how it's stayed running for as long as it has because of these traditions and principles.]

Threshold

I'm every day grateful that recovery is not a competition!

wellwisher

Your friend is wallowing in self-pity and lashing out. It is not a good way to be thinking; ESPECIALLY in early sobriety. He/she is probably also a little envious and not really thinking of others; it's all about her. Don't let it become contagious.

Know in your heart of hearts that your sobriety is one that you've worked on. You own it.

When the Raspberry Section starts throwing tomatoes at you, remember that armchair critics and Monday morning quarterbacks seem to know an awful lot about the game; but can't play it at all as compared to those who put themselves out there and actually achieve.

Keep going.....one foot in front of the other. One day, you will know that in your heart, even if it doesn't feel like it today.

ttbp

Thank you to everyone who posted positive comments. As for the reason I was upset Sugarbear, does that really matter?

I worked through my feelings and didn't pick up and drink on them, which is what I would have done in the past. That, for me, is another day of success

Dee74

glad you're feeling better ttbp

D

sugarbear1

Not everything is a criticism. I am sorry that is how others perceive it. I have my own life to stay sober for. Just a simple question for the poster is all. When some situation upsets me, it's the thing I consider after I vent. I am not being judgemental. I have enough to do with me. Again, sorry you take it like that.

Threshold

My recovery program teaches me this, which I think is appropriate to this discussion on a few different levels. I should share my experience. Others can take it or leave it. They can choose to let it bug them, they can apply it in their own lives, or they can ignore it. I am not responsible for how they take it, how they react, feel, or respond. I can get caught up in it all personally...when they share their experience and it doesn't match my own, or when I share mine and they don't like it...or I can remind myself we all have different paths and experiences and let it go.