No longer scared
 

It is great to be out of that "black hole." I forgot how good it feels to be sober and healthy. Day 8 has been good, I completed all the chores caused by my last binge. Took all day, but I did not mind. I had to take a bus to do my laundry, in fact I had to make two trips. While on the bus, I noticed a guy stumble on and fall while trying to find a seat. He ended up right in front of me and the smell of alcohol made me sick. It also made me sick to think that I was probably just like that a little over a week ago. I felt sad for him and glad for me. I am convinced that this "site" has given me the boost that I needed for so long, and the encouragement. Every story I read could be mine, or at least is very similar. My detox last week was so bad that even the thought of alcohol, and certainly the smell of it on the bus today, makes me feel like up-chucking. Maybe that's a good thing.

Fanstastic! I'm glad things are going so well. I must admit that I didn't have as adverse a reaction to the thought of drinking in my first couple weeks. It was like pulling teeth resisting the urge to drink. It wasn't until a couple months in or so that the thought of getting drunk disgusted me. Bleh!

Sobriety is a goal that millions of people will tell you to GO FOR IT!

But if you do feel like the drunk guy... are you ready to feel that way too? It could and very might well happen. It's not all being "not that guy" as being "that guy... but I wont make his decisions!"

Go with anything that makes you feel better about sobriety, but we're all "that other guy" until we really get day after day under our belt. You're not him, but you could be him, so just keep striving for better.

8 days is fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!

Best wishes!

Great job. :You_Rock_

9th day
 

Woke up feeling like crap today ! I felt so fantastic for the last 3 days and cannot figure out why one day can make such a difference. My mind was on re-wind all night long.....thinking about all the damage I have done in my life....all the people I have hurt. I could not shut the thoughts down, what's wrong? And why am I all of a sudden depressed and no longer feeling "up?"
I should be feeling happy about my sobriety, but I'm not feeling it today. I need some suggestions. What am I doing wrong and how do I stop these negative thoughts from reappearing?

It's normal to feel up and down. When we flat line anywhere, we're in trouble. Everyone has good days and bad days, good luck and bad luck, blah, blah, blah. It's okay to feel blue sometimes and it's certainly okay to feel giddy sometimes, and sometimes it's just okay to...feel.

I haven't been around here all that long, but so many on this site seem to think that getting sober is like taking a magic pill: get sober and all our troubles are behind us and we'll be happy forever. Sounds like a great fairy tale, cuz that's what it is - a fairy tale.

Life is not easy under any circumstances, everything requires effort, but I will say, it's a heck of a lot easier sober.

Great job on nine days!!!!!!

Hang in there
 

Hang in there - we're all in the same boat.

Perhaps the depression we feel is a hard dose of reality. Our lives aren't perfect. And life isn't easy. The difference is that now we chose to acknowledge that instead of trying to drown it out with alcohol.

For me, its hard work trying to remain upbeat. In fact, at times its exhausting...
but those are the times I allow myself a hot bath - and go to bed early.

One of the things I've learned from others on this site is that its time to take care of me. AND thats okay !!

You'll be surprised, like anything else, how much easier it gets over time, until it is finally effortless.

Hang in there everyone, and do the work, we'll never be positive unless we think positive.

Day 10
 

Thanks for the posts ! Day 10 and I feel much better than I did yesterday. Even though I felt like crap yesterday.....I forced myself to exercise until I was exhausted, felt better after that. In one of my first posts ten days ago I stated that I had a bad experience in AA. I have re-thought that, and I am going to give it another shot and go to a 12 o'clock meeting today. I realize now that I need someone to have my back. I tend to be reclusive and I know that is really bad for me and my sobriety.

I think part of my depression yesterday was the fact that I have to get out in the "job market" once again and that scares me. My confidence level is pretty low and employers want to see confidence above all else. My work history in the past 2 years has been spotty, to say the least, due to my binging. Don't really know how to explain that to prospective employers. Might help if I share that at the meeting today. Have a good day everyone.

Keep up the good work...congrats!!

Wheresthefun
 

I appreciate your posts yesterday......made a huge difference in the way I feel.

day 11
 

Day 11 and feel okay but not great. Think I may have fried some brain cells during my last binge......hard to think straight and thoughts seem muddled. Attempted to go to an AA meeting yesterday, but ended up leaving before it started. Could not understand my fear of the meeting, it isn't like me. My confidence level seems to be shot and I don't know what to do about it. I wanted to get some literature and the Big Book but that went down the drain when I left. I am exercising and eating well, so really don't know what the problem is. I need to stop alienating myself from life because I know what that does for me, it leads me right back to drink and drugs.

Feelings aren't facts. Just feelings and they change, like the thoughts in our heads. We didn't get drunk over night and we won't get well over night. Give time Time.


...subject to change.... the only constant in life IS change......

basias - My emotions were all over the place for the first few weeks. I had a struggle with regret and remorse for months. I finally realized that if I allowed those feelings to take over I'd be stuck on square one. Be kind to yourself as you heal - eventually the positive thoughts will take over as you evolve into the person you want to be.

I had tons of wreckage from my drinking years, so I do understand how you feel. When you talk about it here, it helps relieve the stress and anxiety. I'm glad you're sharing this problem with us. We promise, it gets better and easier.

If you're worried about the muddleheadedness basias, I recommend seeing a Dr - it'll set your mind at rest at any rate :)

D

Thanks guys, your posts are appreciated.

Day 12
 

Day 12 and feeling pretty darn good today. Slept like a baby. It is really nice to wake up without a "foggy" head and a "sticky" dehydrated mouth. I must always remember that. I think my cat even recognizes a difference in me, she is more lovable than ever. I do know that when I was drinking or using she would hide sometimes, I think animals have intuition that we never give them credit for. Anyway, I am glad to make her happy. This site has become very therapeutic for me, especially when I am feeling bad, gives me the extra kick in the butte that I need to shake off the negative feelings. Thanks everyone !!

Well done and I'm glad you're feeling a bit brighter today. It sure is nice to wake up fresh, isn't it?