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Old 08-08-2011, 06:31 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Welcome back...

The point of recovery is to live well and happy IMO
so...you are living well these days....hope you will renew the joy....

In our BB.....please read "A Vision for you" if you have not recently done so.
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Old 08-08-2011, 06:34 PM
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I use a phone for internet.

Letters first
Big book written several years later while they lived on barely any money
Tradions, principles & concepts written as other recovery type groups fell apart (Bill was intelligent,as were others- group conscience; without that group coscience, aa would have been different ....

Welcome back!
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Old 08-08-2011, 07:26 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Welcome back RW! I can honestly say that I've thought about you and wondered where you had gone! Your posts meant so much to me-- you seemed to always get through to me...whether you knew you were or not! You were missed.
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Old 08-08-2011, 07:42 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Zencat
Good mention of AVRT, It gets to the bottom of things in a no nonsence direct way. Nothing much to wonder or be indecisive about with AVRT.
I suspect sugarbear meant the poster, not the method, Zen

D
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Old 08-08-2011, 07:48 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Welcome back!

I hear what you are saying...I think. I am over a year now and recovery does not consume my time anymore...I am too busy living my life instead. Sometimes I worry that I am not doing enough "recovery work" and then I realize that it is because I havering so much work in my life that now I don't work at recovery, it is a part of me.

I try and stop in here once a day, to say something positive where I see an opportunity, but I do this to give back to my community more than to stay sober.

I don't know if that helps or not, but I am glad to see you back.

You too Isaiah!
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Old 08-08-2011, 07:59 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Bro! Was wondering where you've been. Good to see you back here and more importantly good to see it didn't take a major relapse crisis to get you back.

No one is infallible mano, and sometimes part of recovery is having a slip. That's arguable to some, but I've come to understand that IMO relapse is sometimes a necessary part of the eventual goal of getting it right. It's all a learning process yes? I also had a brief but costly relapse in June also - 10 days is all it took to have me back in the ER, cursing everything again. But what I remember is the year + of sobriety that I had previous, and that my sober time is not lost from a slip. It was only augmented by the miserable 10 days I had, and the sickness that overtook me once again so easily. When I finished being a knucklehead this time I craved the sobriety and the way I felt during that period, not more booze. Fundamental changes were made from my recovery efforts. I dare say the same changes took place for you as well. Maybe you just need to recall how much better things felt being sober, and keep those memories closer.

As for the "gun to the head" preoccupation, I feel it too sometimes, and that's what it is really, a preoccupation. It's psychic noise. It drowns out the true reasons we are seeking sobriety. For me it's also that whole "grass is always greener" sticking point. And also for me, being grateful for the life we get to have during lasting sobriety goes a long way to killing the thoughts that we're actually being held at the mercy of our own recovery efforts.

My relapse happened solely due to my taking my sobriety for granted and letting my own program slip as other concerns took up space in my brain that they shouldn't have. My view - post relapse - is that while alcoholism and recovery doesn't hold me hostage, it does require a consistent effort and a certain emotional vigilance. When you really look at anything good in life, what doesn't require that same commitment? Success in any area of our lives, from love to contentment, from business success to artistic pursuits, what doesn't come with the need to remain committed to such a pursuit and to remain vigilant and aware? Again, like I said in another post, nothing worth anything just falls in our laps. When it comes to booze that's easy to forget as we see so many getting on in life without any concern over drinking. We all have crosses to bear in this life, booze happens to be ours. It's not a gun to our head IMO, it's a consistent reminder that we're not perfect.

Anyways, sorry for rambling. Obviously I don't have answers for you feeling burn out from recovery, but I dare say the energy you initially put into recovery might pail in comparison to the energy you've spent drinking your face off, if you stopped to compare. . At the least bro, it's always worth it to remember where the boozing took you in life, and compare it to where sobriety has taken your life. Works for me when life comes up and starts nagging at my brain.

It's bloody good that you're posting and back.
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:04 PM
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Welcome back Reggie...we missed ya!




Best Wishes To You!
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:04 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Thanks everyone. Very kind and wise words. I regret the "AA gun to my head comment". I think it came off differently than what I inteded. AA savd me. It truly did. I was at a point so low when I quite on December 3, 2010. I was hopeless, etc... AA gave me an entirely different way of life. In my infiniate wisdom (sarcasm) I thought why not take everything I learned about helping others, having a HP, not holding resentments, doing the next right thing, etc... and just simply add drinking occasionaly in.

My goal is not to, drink while attending AA meetings. My goal is not to drink at all. I just don't know if I'm up for all of the meetings and what not. I sound like a spoiled little kid I know, on one hand I'm saying AA saved my life and on the other I'm saying AA wants to much from me. That is really not what I mean. My point is I only know one speed of recovery and that is "all-out" me vs. alcohol. When I was getting sober I treated it as me against the drinking world (which is clearly not the AA message).

There is a phrase in the BB that says (paraphrasing) that at some point we stop fighting anything and everyone. I never got there with not drinking. I was feeling that I was "missing out". Well, after the past month and a half I truly realize that I am not missing anything. Drinking is just not all I make it out to be.

I didn't drink tonight, nor have I in the past week. I just feel like I have a void inside of me and I only know of two ways to fill. One is recovery and the other is booze. Turns out booze doesn't even do that now, so I guess my decision is made for me. I just pray that I can find a way to balance it in my life. I'm kind of like that guy who's lost 100 pounds by starving himself and working out 6 days a week. Only to be burnt out a year later and revert back. I want to be the guy who takes it slow but steady. I've never been that way about anything...

I'm sorry if I let anyone down. I'm just a man trying to get along in life the best I can as are all of you. It's crazy to hear so many people say they get a lot out of my message's when at times I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

It is nice to be back here. It was nice to go to a meeting today. And it's nice to be sober. I think I'll just take it one day at a time and see what happens.

I wish everyone the best and I WILL keep coming back. I re-read one of my old posts where I told someone that thoughts follow actions. I think I'm doing far too much thinking and not nearly enough acting...

Have a good night everyone!!!
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:11 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Like aa, i say take what you want or need and leave the rest! The big book never mentions sponsors, plus all kinds of aa things have been skewed over the years...

Peace & sobriety, no matter how you get tere!
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:12 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by binderdonedat View Post
Bro! Was wondering where you've been. Good to see you back here and more importantly good to see it didn't take a major relapse crisis to get you back.

No one is infallible mano, and sometimes part of recovery is having a slip. That's arguable to some, but I've come to understand that IMO relapse is sometimes a necessary part of the eventual goal of getting it right. It's all a learning process yes? I also had a brief but costly relapse in June also - 10 days is all it took to have me back in the ER, cursing everything again. But what I remember is the year + of sobriety that I had previous, and that my sober time is not lost from a slip. It was only augmented by the miserable 10 days I had, and the sickness that overtook me once again so easily. When I finished being a knucklehead this time I craved the sobriety and the way I felt during that period, not more booze. Fundamental changes were made from my recovery efforts. I dare say the same changes took place for you as well. Maybe you just need to recall how much better things felt being sober, and keep those memories closer.

As for the "gun to the head" preoccupation, I feel it too sometimes, and that's what it is really, a preoccupation. It's psychic noise. It drowns out the true reasons we are seeking sobriety. For me it's also that whole "grass is always greener" sticking point. And also for me, being grateful for the life we get to have during lasting sobriety goes a long way to killing the thoughts that we're actually being held at the mercy of our own recovery efforts.

My relapse happened solely due to my taking my sobriety for granted and letting my own program slip as other concerns took up space in my brain that they shouldn't have. My view - post relapse - is that while alcoholism and recovery doesn't hold me hostage, it does require a consistent effort and a certain emotional vigilance. When you really look at anything good in life, what doesn't require that same commitment? Success in any area of our lives, from love to contentment, from business success to artistic pursuits, what doesn't come with the need to remain committed to such a pursuit and to remain vigilant and aware? Again, like I said in another post, nothing worth anything just falls in our laps. When it comes to booze that's easy to forget as we see so many getting on in life without any concern over drinking. We all have crosses to bear in this life, booze happens to be ours. It's not a gun to our head IMO, it's a consistent reminder that we're not perfect.

Anyways, sorry for rambling. Obviously I don't have answers for you feeling burn out from recovery, but I dare say the energy you initially put into recovery might pail in comparison to the energy you've spent drinking your face off, if you stopped to compare. . At the least bro, it's always worth it to remember where the boozing took you in life, and compare it to where sobriety has taken your life. Works for me when life comes up and starts nagging at my brain.

It's bloody good that you're posting and back.
VERY WELL SAID!! Thank you!
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:16 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by saphira View Post
Welcome back RW! I can honestly say that I've thought about you and wondered where you had gone! Your posts meant so much to me-- you seemed to always get through to me...whether you knew you were or not! You were missed.
Thank you very much! Means a lot!
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:50 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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(((Reggie))) I had a feeling something was up when you hadn't checked in. I'm glad you did come back to help relieve the mysterious dissapearance.
I'm 6 months sober -just got my chip and do not eat, sleep and breathe AA. I go once a week. That is and always has been enough for me. I did the rehab and after care and I got it. I understood the recovery...I didn't drink...I got my life back on track. I don't know if I've found a balance but what I do works for me. I didn't want to kill myself with the booze OR the recovery. I try to appease my moods and thoughts as they come and not flood my head with everything at once. I think recovery is best taken in small doses -the opposite of how I liked my whiskey. It seems to sink in better...fit in my life better...balance better.
But with all that said, I think you needed to feel defeat for the sake of your recovery. I think in recovery we still have unfelt feelings...you know what you want, you know where you want to be...you know that you want to be there for your son...you know where the path is.
Rocks in our path can be one of two things...a stumbling block or stepping stone. Use this experince to move ahead. I have faith in you.
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Old 08-08-2011, 09:05 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Welcome back Reggie!
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Old 08-08-2011, 09:22 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Good to see you back RW! I realized before taking this sobriety journey that for me ultimate recovery would be about living MY life sober, my life wouldn't be happy living sober in a constant state of recovery.

I wanted to be able to ween myself off of recovery without forgeting why I ended up having to get in recovery mode.

I know my answer wouldn't be right for everyone, but it was what I needed to keep me happy, sane, and sober. I agree that some people may need a recovery program for life, because it fills voids and makes them complete. I didn't have many voids to fill other than doing something other than drinking and being happy with it.

I hope you find your happy medium and realize that whether you need a full time program or not, you don't need alcohol to complete you.
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Old 08-08-2011, 09:39 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Reggie - I am very glad to hear from you again.
Your words were always very meaningful to me.

Recovery burnout? Oh yeah- the point of recovery is to get you life back. I've also found my program to be causing me more stress than peace at times.

My 6 month mark is this coming weekend and I've had to pull back from some of my meetings and obligations to take care of things at home.

Here's how I'm trying to work my program:

Saturday I woke up at 5:30am on my own. The sun was out and it was a beautiful Seattle morning and I was in a wonderful mood. I went the the 6am meeting, picked up donuts for the family and was home before anyone was out of bed. I had the fishing gear packed and got my 6 and 8 year old kids up and threw them in the car. We spent the day fishing on the lake and getting to know each other for the first time.

-That, my friend, is why I think it's all worth it. Balance. I'm struggling myself with it but I think it's getting closer.

Welcome back. Our disease is progressive, but so is recovery.
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Old 08-08-2011, 10:02 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Hi, RW. Always glad to see you. I started here just a couple weeks after you, I one of the things I noticed was that your investment in sobriety paid a pretty good return, and not just in the long term. For example, I remember a post of yours about a business lunch, and everyone was drinking, and you would have had more than your share a few months before, but you chose not to drink. Seemed like you received a lot of satisfaction from that decision. Yeah your liver was better off, and I'm sure you woke up the next day clearheaded, and yada yada yada.... but in that particular moment, it seemed like not drinking was its own reward.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just projecting. It's hard to look at someone else's experience without distorting it through the lens of my own experience. I do know that I'm happiest when I make this less about giving up alcohol, and more about gaining freedom and peace of mind.

Anyway, glad you're back!
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Old 08-08-2011, 11:24 PM
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Reggie..I noticed your absence, really pleased to have you back here. You were missed, and your posts have always been helpful, not just to me, but many.

Please, never ever feel that you've 'let anyone down'. You absolutely haven't. Like you say, you are just a man, making his journey and getting on with life as best you can.

I for one, think you are doing just that, and doing a great job at it.

Welcome back.
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Old 08-08-2011, 11:48 PM
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RW
When I first came here nearly 90 days ago, your example really encouraged me. I don't go to AA but I but have read about AVRT, and I love the Big Book. For me there is a void, even after I have totally and willingly surrendered to sobriety. There is a hole to fill and learning how to do it and keep the balance right seems to be the task.

Hope to see you around
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Old 08-09-2011, 08:55 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Reggie--I missed you so much. I'm glad to see you here again.

Someone in some thread yesterday said that he (she?) wasn't sure sobriety and happiness were the same thing. But I suppose sobriety and life are important partners.

I also think that each of us who has spent a good deal of time on SR is better off even if they slip up. Because we know what to do to help ourselves.

So I'm glad you're back--for you because your sobriety is important to you--but for selfish reasons too. Because we need you.
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Old 08-09-2011, 02:17 PM
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I suppose the experiment could of had a worse outcome. I think many of us here want balance as well. We want to have the cake and eat it too, I know I DO. But I think we do accept that 'experimenting' with drinking (even in moderation - or with strict rules) brings us ever so close to the flame we knew as hell. Why would we want to play with fire? Because we have a sickness in our heads. Some of us will never be able to accept that we will never beat this beast. We keep thinking we are in control. That is what I am afraid of. Deciding to experiment one day (having a brain fart) and finding that nothing bad happens, and I seem to have it under control. Until is builds and grows and sneaks up on me and the next thing you know i'm guzzling vodka in the garage alone (again). Sad I know.

So good to see you back here and I hope you get some inner peace. Sounds like you need to re-center yourself and re-evaluate your priorities in life again. For me, I think about my wife and kids and what it would be like to not have them in my life anymore.
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