cleareyes

I have been failing at doing this alone for a couple of weeks now. I talked with my husband on Friday and told him of my issues and told him the ways I would sneak off to buy wine so he wouldn't know. I also told him that it is not his responsibility to make sure I don't drink. It is mine. I can't lay that on him.

He was supportive and even mentioned talking to our brother in law. He (BIL) has been recovering for 30 years and goes to AA weekly. I had thought of this before but hesitated because I worried that my husband would get mad (probably and excuse). So anyway, once he gave me the ok I started freaking out about actually contacting someone on the "outside".

So I waited and didn't e-mail him until today. I sent him a message asking him if he would take me to his next meeting if he didn't mind. He is also a counselor for people that have addiction issues. I held my finger over that send button for a while with my hands sweating and shaking...but I hit send.

SCARED! I still haven't heard from him but over the course of the day I realized that if I can do that then I can go to a meeting. I found a women's meeting this week and if I don't hear from BIL (which I fully expect to hear from him) then I'll go by myself.

This is the first time I actually feel like I am ready and have taken a HUGE step forward. It's terrifying but I jumped and hopefully this is what it will take to make it stick!

saphira

It sounds like you are determined! Good for you!

GettingStronger2

For many people, going to their first meeting is scary. It is unknown, and let's face it, no one plans on getting to AA. I wasn't scared, but i was unsure. For most of us, we find that being around other alcoholics, in various stages of recovery, is a relief. I love my meetings, my Fellowship and my program. I am grateful to be an alcoholic today because it has brought me to where i am today.

Go, with or without the BIL. You don't even have to talk.

eJoshua

Awesome! It's always hard to take that first big step, but really that was the hardest part (for me at least). Once I admitted I needed help and started earnestly working at it is when things started to get better.

Best of luck to you.

MycoolFitz

Good for you. If you keep moving forward you don't need to look back. Look forward to hearing how things go for you.

Ranger

Bravo, cleareyes. Such a huge step for you. Thanks for your example.

mirage

Very proud of you!! First steps are very hard and scary. Keep moving forward!

Dee74

I think that's a great step cleareyes
good stuff!

D

sugarbear1

Excellent! What about calling on the phone now? Peace! Best wishes

Hevyn

For me, I felt so much better when it was 'out there'. I had spent so many years trying to hide it and cover my tracks. It was exhausting, and a miserable way to live. The relief was huge when I got it out in the open. Good for you, cleareyes - you sound very positive. Welcome to your new life.

Missy7

Great job. Now make sure you make the meeting.

Snarf

That's great to hear, cleareyes! It's funny to me what you said about using your perception of your husband's anger as an excuse not to talk to your BIL. I used to concoct all sorts of situations in my head, create entire fictitious realities that hadn't happened yet, and use those as excuses for my behavior (or lack of action). But those things rarely work out the way we see them occurring in our heads, and I'm thankful that your husband was supportive. That's awesome.

I'm very glad that you sent a message to your BIL. Hopefully he gets back to you, but if not, I think it would be great for you to attend a women's meeting. It may be scary at first, but just remember, millions of people have taken that first step, and for many of them it led to a new life. A life of happiness, freedom and contentment. I hope you're able to find what so many others have in the rooms of AA.

stuckonstopped

Best of luck cleareyes. I was a big time concealer also and I can't believe all the effort and lies I put into hiding my liquor. As if i was actually fooling anybody. Now I'm able to put those 'talents' to much better use. A wise man said that any great journey begins with the first step. It may be rough footing at first but well worth the effort.

rae123

that is so awesome cleareyes!!

i am so proud of you!!!!!!

ajangel

I swore I would never do AA. After the last relapse, I knew I could no longer do it on my own. Tomorrow I will be a month sober and I feel amazing. I am most assuredly confident that I am going to make it this time. Jump right in. Good for you!

Suresh

That's a big 1st step! Congrats and things will get better, thats sure!

ceneri

That is a big step, good job! You will hear from him. Not everyone one is constantly checking messages or responds immediately.
I know you kept getting replies here to do something different, have a plan, and you are doing it!! BE PROUD!! Things will start changing for the better very soon.
Let us know how you're doing please.