How I know I'm not ok
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
How I know I'm not ok
I've been sober for 8 months. It's been hard. I drank for a reason. Not the same reasons as when I started of course. At the end I drank because I felt I had no choice. I did not have any control.
What does it feel like 8 months on? I'm sad most days. I'm 36 and male never been married. I'm lonely quite a bit. A lot really. I have many regrets. I spend a lot of time thinking of my college days and twenties. Good times. I've never been good with the ladies as I am shy, but I knew some good people then.
I find myself trying to figure out what to do with my new sober life. I was drinking to block out all the pain and frustration I had, but now that I'm sober I have to deal with it. One of the biggest issues I have now is that I don't like my job.
I hear you. That's most of us right. But because I don't like my job I do a crappy one. Eventually they will realize I don't really care and get rid of me. Then I'll be broke again. STRESS.
That's not the biggest problem though. What am I to do with this life? Get married? have some kids? Start a business? Write a book? Go back to school? All of the above?
I've got a weeks vacation in a month and I've rented a cottage on a Lake. Just me and the pooch. It will be swimming and canoeing for 7 days. I need to answer some of these questions. At least have some goals.
Life after booze? I think about drinking once in a while. After all it was a huge part of my life/non life. What would I be like today if I drank? Could I be a social drinker or would I go back to where I started. Today I know the answer to that. I would drink my face off. Why? Because I have not addressed the core problems I had before. Sure I got sober but I'm still very sad. I'm lonely and I'm bitter. Hahahahahaha. I sound like a fun guy.
I feel like I'm sitting in the guidance councillors office and they are asking me.
"So Billy what do you want to be when you grow up, an Alcoholic?
"No sir, I tried that and it was not as much fun as it should have been. Can I be a firemen? or a Doctor?"
"No, I'm sorry Billy it's too late for that. You will have to settle for one of the other careers like gas station attendant or store clerk until you are too old to work but too poor to retire"
hahahahah. That was kinda of dumb. But that's how I feel these days.
Thanks all. I love the SR forums. It was my life saver.
Still trying to figure this out.
What does it feel like 8 months on? I'm sad most days. I'm 36 and male never been married. I'm lonely quite a bit. A lot really. I have many regrets. I spend a lot of time thinking of my college days and twenties. Good times. I've never been good with the ladies as I am shy, but I knew some good people then.
I find myself trying to figure out what to do with my new sober life. I was drinking to block out all the pain and frustration I had, but now that I'm sober I have to deal with it. One of the biggest issues I have now is that I don't like my job.
I hear you. That's most of us right. But because I don't like my job I do a crappy one. Eventually they will realize I don't really care and get rid of me. Then I'll be broke again. STRESS.
That's not the biggest problem though. What am I to do with this life? Get married? have some kids? Start a business? Write a book? Go back to school? All of the above?
I've got a weeks vacation in a month and I've rented a cottage on a Lake. Just me and the pooch. It will be swimming and canoeing for 7 days. I need to answer some of these questions. At least have some goals.
Life after booze? I think about drinking once in a while. After all it was a huge part of my life/non life. What would I be like today if I drank? Could I be a social drinker or would I go back to where I started. Today I know the answer to that. I would drink my face off. Why? Because I have not addressed the core problems I had before. Sure I got sober but I'm still very sad. I'm lonely and I'm bitter. Hahahahahaha. I sound like a fun guy.
I feel like I'm sitting in the guidance councillors office and they are asking me.
"So Billy what do you want to be when you grow up, an Alcoholic?
"No sir, I tried that and it was not as much fun as it should have been. Can I be a firemen? or a Doctor?"
"No, I'm sorry Billy it's too late for that. You will have to settle for one of the other careers like gas station attendant or store clerk until you are too old to work but too poor to retire"
hahahahah. That was kinda of dumb. But that's how I feel these days.
Thanks all. I love the SR forums. It was my life saver.
Still trying to figure this out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Hey tendencies, if you spend most of your time in the past thinking of the good times or regreting the bad, or in the future filled with fears and doubts you lose track of right now--the only place you can actually live in and actually the only time youy can be sober in. 8 months is fantastic but don't make it a burden. Are you doing any F2F or counseling or therapy. Many of us have issues we masked with booze or drugs but sobriety doen't guarantee these go away all by themselves. I agre, SR is great what other support is out there for you?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Congratulations on 8 months 
I don't think it's ever too late to be who you want to be Tendencies - I was older than you when I quit
I needed to sift through my past - there was a lot there that got me drinking in the first place - but Fitz makes a great point - its good to try and not get so caught up the past or the future you lose track of right now
Counselling helped me a lot - but so did just taking a few leaps and doing things I wanted to do...becoming who I wanted to be.
Today is unique...it's be a shame to miss it - y'know?
D
I don't think it's ever too late to be who you want to be Tendencies - I was older than you when I quit
I needed to sift through my past - there was a lot there that got me drinking in the first place - but Fitz makes a great point - its good to try and not get so caught up the past or the future you lose track of right now
Counselling helped me a lot - but so did just taking a few leaps and doing things I wanted to do...becoming who I wanted to be.
Today is unique...it's be a shame to miss it - y'know?
D
Even tho I'm staying sober now I still see my addiction counselor once a week. It helps keep me balanced in all parts of my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
Thanks. I also believe counselling is part of the solution. I'm been working with a psychiatrist for 3-4 years now. I did not really start making progress until I quit drinking. I am now. Part of the problem is that I never allowed myself to feel sad. I always pushed it down inside and buried it. Booze helped with that. That is until there was too much down there as well as the booze.
These days I find myself having to stop and think. What am I feeling right now? I like to call it taking my emotional temperature. I have suppressed what I really feel for so long it's hard to know what I feel. Most importantly feeling sad. It's OK to feel sad. Sad does not mean depressed. I used to be depressed. Sadness like any other emotion is just what it is. Sadness. I can feel it and still try to think clearly. There are no bad emotions. Just emotions. Each one has it's place. It's how to manage them that is my problem.
I do think it's not good to dwell on the past. I need to focus on the future. But what is it? What am I going to do? That is my dilemma. It seems that when I trusted my heart I did great. It's when I started listing to what others wanted me to do that I really fell apart.
These days I find myself having to stop and think. What am I feeling right now? I like to call it taking my emotional temperature. I have suppressed what I really feel for so long it's hard to know what I feel. Most importantly feeling sad. It's OK to feel sad. Sad does not mean depressed. I used to be depressed. Sadness like any other emotion is just what it is. Sadness. I can feel it and still try to think clearly. There are no bad emotions. Just emotions. Each one has it's place. It's how to manage them that is my problem.
I do think it's not good to dwell on the past. I need to focus on the future. But what is it? What am I going to do? That is my dilemma. It seems that when I trusted my heart I did great. It's when I started listing to what others wanted me to do that I really fell apart.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Tendencies,
I agree with you that when you trust your heart, when you listen to your soul, you will find peace in your life and you will not get on the wrong track.
And, good for you for recognizing that your emotions are not you. They don't control you. You can feel them and let them go. That was huge for me.
And, you can do and be whatever you want. Remember that you are exactly where you should be.
I agree with you that when you trust your heart, when you listen to your soul, you will find peace in your life and you will not get on the wrong track.
And, good for you for recognizing that your emotions are not you. They don't control you. You can feel them and let them go. That was huge for me.
And, you can do and be whatever you want. Remember that you are exactly where you should be.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
You can still be a fireman.
I feel like you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Those are huge questions you are asking and I'm not sure you have to figure them all out at once. There are no rules, no set age to do certain things, everyone has their own path. There are all the people who went to college, got a job, got married, had kids, bought a house... but there are tons and tons of people who are non-traditional.
Maybe this is a time to explore options - do some recon. Take some classes, volunteer, get involved with your community. The bonus will be that you meet people.
I was just reading about this actress (plays mrs. mcclusky on desperate housewives) - she's 75 and didn't start her acting career until the age of 42.
I feel like you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Those are huge questions you are asking and I'm not sure you have to figure them all out at once. There are no rules, no set age to do certain things, everyone has their own path. There are all the people who went to college, got a job, got married, had kids, bought a house... but there are tons and tons of people who are non-traditional.
Maybe this is a time to explore options - do some recon. Take some classes, volunteer, get involved with your community. The bonus will be that you meet people.
I was just reading about this actress (plays mrs. mcclusky on desperate housewives) - she's 75 and didn't start her acting career until the age of 42.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
I remember a time when I was in a similar state of mind - talking to my sister about what I should do - she finally said to me "I don't care what you do, just do it!"
Don't be afraid to make wrong decisions. (except for anything that risks losing you're sobriety).
Don't be afraid to make wrong decisions. (except for anything that risks losing you're sobriety).
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
The answer is within you and all around you. Try to see yourself as you really are, not as you have lead yourself to believe.
Look at some pictures of yourself as a child, if you have them. Who are you? Then, and only then, can you become who you want to be.... And it will be easier than you think.
Your happiness is not dependent on your job. When you see that, you will be happier with whatever you do.
Congrats on your 8 months! Enjoy the canoeing, that is one of my very favorite activities, early in the morning with a fly rod, or at midnight with the stars.
Look at some pictures of yourself as a child, if you have them. Who are you? Then, and only then, can you become who you want to be.... And it will be easier than you think.
Your happiness is not dependent on your job. When you see that, you will be happier with whatever you do.
Congrats on your 8 months! Enjoy the canoeing, that is one of my very favorite activities, early in the morning with a fly rod, or at midnight with the stars.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
When I was drinking I was a stay at home mom to 4 wonderful kids. There were things I wanted to do. Everything I wanted seemed to have to wait. I wanted to start my art again, I wanted to continue showing rabbits, I wanted to get a part time job and be out in life. Well, drinking absorbed most of my goals and dreams -sucked the life right out of me.
It will be a year since my then husband and I separated and 6 months since I quit drinking. I decided either I sit at home and think woulda, coulda, shoulda... or get my butt out in the world and just do something.
I have a full time job at a national retail store that I love. I love being with people and learning how to function and play nice with others. I started drawing again. Hopefully, more now that I just got bifocals. I don't show rabbits but I have been asked in 3 counties to judge rabbits and chickens at their county fairs for 4H.
If you are not happy or lets say, satisfied, with the way your life is then only you can be the one to change it. No one else knows what you want or what you want to do.
Get out there...change your job if you're not happy...volunteer somewhere and meet a nice girl...don't sit out, get up and dance.
And congratulations on your 8 months...and have fun at the lake!
It will be a year since my then husband and I separated and 6 months since I quit drinking. I decided either I sit at home and think woulda, coulda, shoulda... or get my butt out in the world and just do something.
I have a full time job at a national retail store that I love. I love being with people and learning how to function and play nice with others. I started drawing again. Hopefully, more now that I just got bifocals. I don't show rabbits but I have been asked in 3 counties to judge rabbits and chickens at their county fairs for 4H.
If you are not happy or lets say, satisfied, with the way your life is then only you can be the one to change it. No one else knows what you want or what you want to do.
Get out there...change your job if you're not happy...volunteer somewhere and meet a nice girl...don't sit out, get up and dance.
And congratulations on your 8 months...and have fun at the lake!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 155
Hi Tendencies, you have a lot of questions I asked myself early on, mainly 'what now?' Growing up I didn't sit there with my elbows on the windowsill watching the snow fall thinking, when I grow up I wanna be an alcoholic and go to meetings!
I was your age when I started recovery, I hadn't been married and I didn't like my job. I was a lonely guy. I did go back to school and later got married. That didn't work out but if I had kept drinking none of that could have happened. I was reluctant to give AA my best shot and relapsed. Once I was ready though things started getting better.
You write well, maybe a book is a possibility?
I was your age when I started recovery, I hadn't been married and I didn't like my job. I was a lonely guy. I did go back to school and later got married. That didn't work out but if I had kept drinking none of that could have happened. I was reluctant to give AA my best shot and relapsed. Once I was ready though things started getting better.
You write well, maybe a book is a possibility?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Tendencies
I read your post with interest and flicked over to another one thinking I wish I had something to say to this person, then the 8 months got me thinking, I was in AA years ago for 8 months sober, I started drinking again because basically I was bored, it is so long ago now I can't remember exactly if I was really paying attention and doing the steps. I doubt it. So I kept drinking and I wish to God I had paid attention. I am 9 weeks sober this time aound. I think I thought that Ionly had to go to meetings and stop drinking but I think there is more to it than that though. Step work.
I am beginning to question my "boredom", as childish and a tad lazy. I need to push myself and once I have launched myself into an activity I do feel better it's that initial push. I live on my own and am quite socially isolated, less so now that I have started going to AA meetings.
Build on what you have, 8 months, it may be better to not isolate yourself for a week but explore what you really would like to do jobwise.
I went on a weeks holiday last month and cycled with a bike club 360kms around a lake, in that time I felt really inspired, I thought about what really interested me.
Holidays are great for that.
I really love the honesty in people's posts.
Cai Hong
I read your post with interest and flicked over to another one thinking I wish I had something to say to this person, then the 8 months got me thinking, I was in AA years ago for 8 months sober, I started drinking again because basically I was bored, it is so long ago now I can't remember exactly if I was really paying attention and doing the steps. I doubt it. So I kept drinking and I wish to God I had paid attention. I am 9 weeks sober this time aound. I think I thought that Ionly had to go to meetings and stop drinking but I think there is more to it than that though. Step work.
I am beginning to question my "boredom", as childish and a tad lazy. I need to push myself and once I have launched myself into an activity I do feel better it's that initial push. I live on my own and am quite socially isolated, less so now that I have started going to AA meetings.
Build on what you have, 8 months, it may be better to not isolate yourself for a week but explore what you really would like to do jobwise.
I went on a weeks holiday last month and cycled with a bike club 360kms around a lake, in that time I felt really inspired, I thought about what really interested me.
Holidays are great for that.
I really love the honesty in people's posts.
Cai Hong
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
why dont you try and turn your life over to a higher power of your choice,and try and listen through prayer and meditation what your hp would have you do?
your trip sounds like a great start to begin with/to adress thoose issues that are bothering you.
and when you are honest with yourself ask your hp to remove thoose roadblocks from your life .
we have to clean ourselves spiritualy to allow god to work in our lives,believe me i know this to be a truth.
take time for you and fathom yourself/the answers lie within us not out there in the external world.
good luck
your trip sounds like a great start to begin with/to adress thoose issues that are bothering you.
and when you are honest with yourself ask your hp to remove thoose roadblocks from your life .
we have to clean ourselves spiritualy to allow god to work in our lives,believe me i know this to be a truth.
take time for you and fathom yourself/the answers lie within us not out there in the external world.
good luck
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