LittleChris

Hi all,

So I'm still new to recovery (5 months in) and just curious on how people in recovery meet others of the opposite sex and date? Since I'm new to recovery I have been avoiding bars at all costs, which has left me inside home a lot on nights where I'd use to go out to the bars and meet men. In the past the bars were the only place I'd meet men and in society it is one of the more typical places people go to meet others. I'm not dying for a relationship as I'm trying to work on myself, but at the same time, I do miss dating and don't want to be single forever. I'm a little worried that the price of soberity means being single...esp since so far its been a lot of isolation b/c everyone I know drinks. Also, a lot of dating involves drinking so how does one cope with that? Any advice would be great?

PapaNico

It's tough, but you can do it! What do you like to do? read? go to a library or a bookstore and spend a couple hours just seeing who strolls along! like to cook? Take a cooking class for singles or adults. How far along have you pursued education? Is there any way you could find a class at a university (or Community college) that would spark an interest in you or perhaps somebody else? How about joining a club? do you like to run or rock climb? Have you ever checked out websites for singles? I haven't but know many who've had success with them. Even meetup.com, which is centered on finding people with matching interests instead of romance might be something to explore. There are often art shows, Shakespeare festivals, movie nights in the park, road trips and music festivals where you might just run into somebody with whom sparks fly. Don't be shy!!! I hope this post helps.




PN

Suresh

Whoever said that being sober means being single????? I urge you not to ever think that way. Time will heal all wounds, maybe its your mind subconsciously telling you "i'm not ready to go out yet" and thus you justify it by saying dating involves drinking, everyone you know drinks, etc.. I think when you're ready, you'll go out with a bang. As Papanico elegantly put it, there are so many things other than drinking you can do in which you can meet people. Our minds have just gotten used to the fact that meeting people / dating = pub / club / drinking.

I always tell myself this: If you got yourself into this mess, you sure as well can get yourself out of this mess.

Do keep us posted and remember, SR is always here!

sugarbear1

I just dumped my man. I need to focus on me today. Best Wishes!

MycoolFitz

I'm two years divorced and 75 daze sober. Enough time and distance has pased since the divorce but I think I need more sober recovery time before I wade into the sometimes tricky currents of a new relationship. I'm interested in one, of course, but I think I still need to firmly reestablish my relationship with the sober me before venturing out. I don't want to get into the trap of validating myself through the eyes of another--a past issue.

DaveO

Get out of that house, and enjoy a sober life.

The thing about dating is you can see many people (No long term relationship needed).

Visit some fairs in different cities, art shows, the beech, bike riding, the list is endless.

Just dont make the mistake that many are told to do, and stay locked up in a house.

I feel that is the worst thing for sobriety in the begining. People start to feel that being locked away in some dark house is what sobriety is offering them. Sobriety has offered you life

ajangel

I prefer being alone right now.