The Key
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: near Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 377
The Key
The thing is, for me, that since I've been sober since April 19...I've never felt very happy....never more than a 6 out of 10, on a good day.
Am I missing something?
I fear that if I can't get my days to be at least a 7, and on a consistent basis, I'll jump back into a whisky bottle.
Any encouragement would be very much appreciated.
Kelly
Am I missing something?
I fear that if I can't get my days to be at least a 7, and on a consistent basis, I'll jump back into a whisky bottle.
Any encouragement would be very much appreciated.
Kelly
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
What do you do for enjoyment? Your life is as fun and interesting as you make it. You can make it a lot more fun and interesting if you aren't drinking. Are you saying that floating around in a bottle of whiskey was fun and entertaining?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
If .600 was your batting average you'd be the greatest hitter that ever lived. If you didn't bat .700 would you quit the game? How very happy were you when you were drinking? You, not the bottle? Come on man just stay at the plate and keep swatting.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Sorry to hear you're unhappy, Kelly. But you and I both know there's no amount of unhappiness drinking can't make worse, right my man?
I can't tell you whether your missing something. But, it sounds like a tweak or two is in order. Have you thought about any changes you'd like to make to your current approach to sobriety? How about depression...any medical stuff needing checked out?
I can't tell you whether your missing something. But, it sounds like a tweak or two is in order. Have you thought about any changes you'd like to make to your current approach to sobriety? How about depression...any medical stuff needing checked out?
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
We both know that's not the answer. That is the evil alcohol master whispering in your ear. Tell him to shut the heck up! You have to learn to find things you like to do. Some people think it is going to be so wonderful and they are going to be so happy sober. That's not always the case. Sometimes we have to find happiness in simple things. Like waking up without a horrible hangover or terrible tremors. Realizing that your memory is coming back. Hang in there Kelly. You have friends that care:ghug3
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
It took me a while to feel happy too Kelly - I had a lot of baggage, a lot stuff to sift through, a lot of work to do on myself...
not drinking and all that was literally just the tip of the iceberg....keep working on yourself, give it time...
Apart from that, I really agree with Suki - our life is what we make it
D
not drinking and all that was literally just the tip of the iceberg....keep working on yourself, give it time...
Apart from that, I really agree with Suki - our life is what we make it
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: near Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 377
the Key
I'm into museums, and reading hisstory books, and camping (although, forget camping AGAIN, THIS year...my 2 friends and 1 of my 2 brothers are converging on a campground about 100 miles east of here, as I type this...and my 2nd brother is joining them tomorrow)...as I told my recovery group at 7 pm last night, I can't see ever camping again.
When I said that, the chairperson of the meeting mentioned that she has been sober 2 years, and still can't imagine having booze in the house.
That encouraged me.
Thanks everyone, for your encouraging advice!
Kelly
When I said that, the chairperson of the meeting mentioned that she has been sober 2 years, and still can't imagine having booze in the house.
That encouraged me.
Thanks everyone, for your encouraging advice!
Kelly
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I can't imagine ever going on the camping trips I used to...they were simply moving the drinking and partying outdoors...we'd set up a tent and not move for 3 days....
but I can imagine going camping with people who are there for the right reasons...who love nature, and want to explore it.
Don't sweat it Kelly...as long as we do the recovery work, I find life does fall into place
D
but I can imagine going camping with people who are there for the right reasons...who love nature, and want to explore it.
Don't sweat it Kelly...as long as we do the recovery work, I find life does fall into place
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 471
I know how ya feel Kelly. I just have faith that eventually there will be that "spark" again. I think this time around my expectations are lower about how quickly I'll bounce back from all the booze. Even though every day is not a happy day for me, at least I don't live my life feeling ashamed. Hang in there!! We will be happy again!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 443
I admit I'm new to sober living, but I've known a fair amount of people in recovery, and many of them are not particularly happy, they're just unhappy sober people. I know this may sound weird, but I went into pretty intensive therapy, in 2001 and by the end of 2002 experienced what the emotion "happiness" felt like for the first time in 42 years - and I was still drinking!
Hitting a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10 on a regular basis is, well, not normal/regular. We'll have have our ups and downs, it's normal, when you are a generally happy and content person.
Seriously, how many of you have every known a "Suzie Sunshine"? Don't you just want to clobber them? It's just not "normal" to be happy all the time (they're generally hiding something), just as it's not normal or healthy to be unhappy all the time.
I've stopped drinking and I'm happy, but with the exception of having a nasty alcohol problem before, the work had already been done to deal with my previous depression, which is also one of the reasons that lead me to abuse alcohol (note, I said one of the reason, there were many).
Sorry, I'm ramblin way to much for a newbie, sorry.
Hitting a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10 on a regular basis is, well, not normal/regular. We'll have have our ups and downs, it's normal, when you are a generally happy and content person.
Seriously, how many of you have every known a "Suzie Sunshine"? Don't you just want to clobber them? It's just not "normal" to be happy all the time (they're generally hiding something), just as it's not normal or healthy to be unhappy all the time.
I've stopped drinking and I'm happy, but with the exception of having a nasty alcohol problem before, the work had already been done to deal with my previous depression, which is also one of the reasons that lead me to abuse alcohol (note, I said one of the reason, there were many).
Sorry, I'm ramblin way to much for a newbie, sorry.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Kelly, I hope that you find things in your life that bring you joy and peace. I don't know if you've tried it or not, but a Gratitude Journal can help to turn things around.
I never had the 'pink cloud' people talk about when I stopped drinking. Honestly, I was so grateful to be alive and to have my family. None of my drinking times were happy, but the last year was just miserable. When I stopped drinking, I knew that I had a chance to find peace in my life. And, it's been the simple things that bring me the most happiness.
I never had the 'pink cloud' people talk about when I stopped drinking. Honestly, I was so grateful to be alive and to have my family. None of my drinking times were happy, but the last year was just miserable. When I stopped drinking, I knew that I had a chance to find peace in my life. And, it's been the simple things that bring me the most happiness.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by KellyEurope 
The thing is, for me, that since I've been sober since April 19...I've never felt very happy....
That is, I don't need to wait for outside circumstances to change before I get better or worse. If I practice spiritual principles in all my affairs, it automatically attracts more peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose into my life. I can also feel miserable even when every thing goes right if I have no gratitude.
"In this life, pain is inevitable - suffering is optional".
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hi Kelly. I'm so glad you shared how you're feeling - it's very important.
As the others have said, the way you're feeling is nothing unusual. For me, it was a grieving process. I went through many phases. In the beginning I was so sorry for myself and resentful that I could no longer have "fun". I had spent my whole adult life using alcohol as a buffer - against what, I'm not sure. I had to learn to live again without it, and it took time. I wish I'd kept a journal so I could share with you the different stages. Even now, after 3-1/2 yrs. I'm still evolving and learning about myself.
Don't be discouraged - you're doing great, and we're proud of you.
As the others have said, the way you're feeling is nothing unusual. For me, it was a grieving process. I went through many phases. In the beginning I was so sorry for myself and resentful that I could no longer have "fun". I had spent my whole adult life using alcohol as a buffer - against what, I'm not sure. I had to learn to live again without it, and it took time. I wish I'd kept a journal so I could share with you the different stages. Even now, after 3-1/2 yrs. I'm still evolving and learning about myself.
Don't be discouraged - you're doing great, and we're proud of you.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
Kelly - you are not in an unusual spot. As you can see, this is a pretty common experience in early sobriety. We have to break in our "sobriety" shoes. It is about thinking differently and doing differently - and you WILL achieve a different result. It truly is an evolution. It's awkward. It feels unnatural. It's clumsy. It's not for the faint of heart. It's like putting money in the stock market and not reacting to every spike and fall in a knee-jerk manner. We're invested in the long-term gains, right?
LondonAA had a pretty good post yesterday about the newcomer to the rooms that listens to the ESH of a long-time recovering alcoholic and as the newcomer, looks forward to reach the top of the mountain. They want it so badly, they can taste it. (S)he speaks about what the newcomer loses in the day to day life when they keep their eye on the summit of the mountain, and forgets about the footsteps and gains made each day (and the satisfication we can derive daily in the process). I agree with him/her wholeheartedly.
Anna has a good suggestion; keep a gratitude journal. Join us on the grat threads. Look at what you did differently today. What did you learn? What did you do fantasically? What could you have done better. At the top of the page, write I DID NOT DRINK TODAY!
In a game of football, you get to the goal one yard at a time. Sometimes you lose a few yards, and sometimes you gain the kind of yardage that has the crowds screaming from the sidelines.
The promises deliver, and beyond anything you can probably imagine right now.
LondonAA had a pretty good post yesterday about the newcomer to the rooms that listens to the ESH of a long-time recovering alcoholic and as the newcomer, looks forward to reach the top of the mountain. They want it so badly, they can taste it. (S)he speaks about what the newcomer loses in the day to day life when they keep their eye on the summit of the mountain, and forgets about the footsteps and gains made each day (and the satisfication we can derive daily in the process). I agree with him/her wholeheartedly.
Anna has a good suggestion; keep a gratitude journal. Join us on the grat threads. Look at what you did differently today. What did you learn? What did you do fantasically? What could you have done better. At the top of the page, write I DID NOT DRINK TODAY!
In a game of football, you get to the goal one yard at a time. Sometimes you lose a few yards, and sometimes you gain the kind of yardage that has the crowds screaming from the sidelines.
The promises deliver, and beyond anything you can probably imagine right now.
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by wellwisher
Kelly - you are not in an unusual spot. As you can see, this is a pretty common experience in early sobriety. We have to break in our "sobriety" shoes. It is about thinking differently and doing differently - and you WILL achieve a different result. It truly is an evolution. It's awkward. It feels unnatural. It's clumsy. It's not for the faint of heart. It's like putting money in the stock market and not reacting to every spike and fall in a knee-jerk manner. We're invested in the long-term gains, right?
LondonAA had a pretty good post yesterday about the newcomer to the rooms that listens to the ESH of a long-time recovering alcoholic and as the newcomer, looks forward to reach the top of the mountain. They want it so badly, they can taste it. (S)he speaks about what the newcomer loses in the day to day life when they keep their eye on the summit of the mountain, and forgets about the footsteps and gains made each day (and the satisfication we can derive daily in the process). I agree with him/her wholeheartedly.
Anna has a good suggestion; keep a gratitude journal. Join us on the grat threads. Look at what you did differently today. What did you learn? What did you do fantasically? What could you have done better. At the top of the page, write I DID NOT DRINK TODAY!
In a game of football, you get to the goal one yard at a time. Sometimes you lose a few yards, and sometimes you gain the kind of yardage that has the crowds screaming from the sidelines.
The promises deliver, and beyond anything you can probably imagine right now.
LondonAA had a pretty good post yesterday about the newcomer to the rooms that listens to the ESH of a long-time recovering alcoholic and as the newcomer, looks forward to reach the top of the mountain. They want it so badly, they can taste it. (S)he speaks about what the newcomer loses in the day to day life when they keep their eye on the summit of the mountain, and forgets about the footsteps and gains made each day (and the satisfication we can derive daily in the process). I agree with him/her wholeheartedly.
Anna has a good suggestion; keep a gratitude journal. Join us on the grat threads. Look at what you did differently today. What did you learn? What did you do fantasically? What could you have done better. At the top of the page, write I DID NOT DRINK TODAY!
In a game of football, you get to the goal one yard at a time. Sometimes you lose a few yards, and sometimes you gain the kind of yardage that has the crowds screaming from the sidelines.
The promises deliver, and beyond anything you can probably imagine right now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
It took me close to 6 months to have kind of a happiness epiphany. Hang in there, it just takes a little more time.
But the other thing I'd tell you is not to look for it. It's like when you can't remember a word and you think and think and think and when you finally give up it comes to you 5 minutes later.
If you look too hard for happiness, it probably won't come. Live your life and it will present itself at the right moment.
But the other thing I'd tell you is not to look for it. It's like when you can't remember a word and you think and think and think and when you finally give up it comes to you 5 minutes later.
If you look too hard for happiness, it probably won't come. Live your life and it will present itself at the right moment.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I don't know about others, but the first 6 months for me were all about just getting used to being sober Obviously, we're not going to get the same kind of instant reward we got from using alcohol, but it helped me to remember that what I got from drinking wasn't real and it certainly wasn't healthy. That fake happiness doesn't really last that long either - usually just a couple hours. If I compare the majority of the day now to the way it was then, there's no question that life is better.
I'm not happy all the time, but I'm definitely living a deeper and richer life now. I can give of myself again. I can grow. I'm not escaping my life anymore. It may not make me feel happy, like "having-a-blast happy," but it's satisfying. I feel good about myself at least.
I think we all have to redefine happiness at some point, but it does take time. Like least said, gratitude is another great tool to put things into perspective.
Keep going...... it's worth it..........
I'm not happy all the time, but I'm definitely living a deeper and richer life now. I can give of myself again. I can grow. I'm not escaping my life anymore. It may not make me feel happy, like "having-a-blast happy," but it's satisfying. I feel good about myself at least.
I think we all have to redefine happiness at some point, but it does take time. Like least said, gratitude is another great tool to put things into perspective.
Keep going...... it's worth it..........
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