The Key
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
One of the keys: enjoying recovery. You've decided that the self-imposed death sentence is over, and now you're free.
If you think about it, it's sad and annoying: Most people take their Freedom for granted... until it's in jeopardy of course. Strangely enough we -addicts- are not afraid of being prisoners. Now you've offered a gift to yourself, and you've decided to take it.
You mentioned happiness. if it makes you happy. I prefer enjoyment.
Plunking into reality wasn't fun, far from it, and, like Dee said, I found myself bogged down with tonnes of baggage that needed addressing. It's been quite a while now, and I'm still dealing with it. Still... making modest progress, learning about myself and Life, making clear-headed decisions, discovering Gratitude, letting go. It's hard work.
But it can be enjoyable too.
If you think about it, it's sad and annoying: Most people take their Freedom for granted... until it's in jeopardy of course. Strangely enough we -addicts- are not afraid of being prisoners. Now you've offered a gift to yourself, and you've decided to take it.
You mentioned happiness. if it makes you happy. I prefer enjoyment.
Plunking into reality wasn't fun, far from it, and, like Dee said, I found myself bogged down with tonnes of baggage that needed addressing. It's been quite a while now, and I'm still dealing with it. Still... making modest progress, learning about myself and Life, making clear-headed decisions, discovering Gratitude, letting go. It's hard work.
But it can be enjoyable too.
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Things that bring me joy are: Sitting on my porch in the morning watching the sun come up. Feeling the breeze on my face. Driving over the bridge while the sun is rising and noticing the beauty and calmness of the water. Hearing my daughters laugh. Hearing others laugh. Serving lunch at a homeless kitchen. Dancing around my living room to an old 80's song that reminded me of my friends in highschool. Reading a great book and visualizing every character. And last, achieving the sobriety I so prayed for. That gives me the belief I can do almost anything. Sometimes we forget to enjoy the simple things in life
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Hey Kelly...my quit bud, you been doing so great. I'm sorry you feel a bit flat. If I'm totally honest, I am too. I wonder if there's something in that?
I'm realizing that not drinking gives you clarity - and it's great for the good things - not so great for the bad things. I'm just learning to admit "yes..I'm sad today. Things are far from perfect. Lots of them are out of my control, I'm unhappy and restless and resentful and feeling unloved. But, I'M NOT GOING TO DRINK, WHATEVER HAPPENS". I refuse to turn back to the drink just because I am not happy. It's not my sober life I'm unhappy with...it's other stuff. None of it is going to go away, not even drinking or NOT drinking is going to make it go away. I'm still hugely grateful for every sober day - past, present and future.
Let's give each other's hand a squeeze right now, yeah? Stick in there.
I'm realizing that not drinking gives you clarity - and it's great for the good things - not so great for the bad things. I'm just learning to admit "yes..I'm sad today. Things are far from perfect. Lots of them are out of my control, I'm unhappy and restless and resentful and feeling unloved. But, I'M NOT GOING TO DRINK, WHATEVER HAPPENS". I refuse to turn back to the drink just because I am not happy. It's not my sober life I'm unhappy with...it's other stuff. None of it is going to go away, not even drinking or NOT drinking is going to make it go away. I'm still hugely grateful for every sober day - past, present and future.
Let's give each other's hand a squeeze right now, yeah? Stick in there.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Since the end of January my life has revolved around booze, or should I say the lack thereof. It's been all about quitting, being sober, being spriritual, trying to learn a new life, a new me, a new commitment to myself. Learning how to cope, learning how to relate to others, work with others. Its exhausting. Then...there was a lull in my life. Everything got quiet. Now what do I do? I realized my drinking masked alot of things...now I had to touch on them. Like missing my family 1450 miles away. Or realizing if my car breaks I can't afford a new one. You know, reality stuff.
But I've learned that I am responsible for my own happiness. Only I can decide if I am happy or miserable. Others may try to hinder a mood but its ultimately up to you how you react. Staying on the positive side has helped me tremendously get through some tough thinking. I am usually (lately) a happy go lucky type of person and it reflects at work. One day I said to my supervisor that "I felt serious today, kind of blah". She almost fell over. She said "You? Serious? I've never seen you anything other than happy." LOL
Its ok to go with your moods...just go with it. Sometimes we need to dwell on other things to appreciate the good.
Tomorrow is a new day...a fresh start...a new feeling.
But I've learned that I am responsible for my own happiness. Only I can decide if I am happy or miserable. Others may try to hinder a mood but its ultimately up to you how you react. Staying on the positive side has helped me tremendously get through some tough thinking. I am usually (lately) a happy go lucky type of person and it reflects at work. One day I said to my supervisor that "I felt serious today, kind of blah". She almost fell over. She said "You? Serious? I've never seen you anything other than happy." LOL
Its ok to go with your moods...just go with it. Sometimes we need to dwell on other things to appreciate the good.
Tomorrow is a new day...a fresh start...a new feeling.
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
Kelly I don't know if this is good news or bad news, maybe just news.
Looking back on the last 6 years, I initially felt happiness because I stopped drinking. Once the dust settled a bit I had to sort through what my life was, its messes and began cleaning up what I could or let go of what I could not. That gave me happiness but took a couple of years. I felt happiness when I began making real changes in my life reinventing myself. Then I felt happiness in who I had become. Now I feel happiness feeling content. I feel content in knowing that everyday is never the same, that there are always going to be good days and bad days, that there will be days when I feel down for no particular reason and there will be days when I know why, but on those days I am capable of doing my best to change the outcome and if I can't, so be it. Tomorrow is a new day. I remind myself of my drinking days where everyday was the same shyte, like groundhog day. Who needs that?
Looking back on the last 6 years, I initially felt happiness because I stopped drinking. Once the dust settled a bit I had to sort through what my life was, its messes and began cleaning up what I could or let go of what I could not. That gave me happiness but took a couple of years. I felt happiness when I began making real changes in my life reinventing myself. Then I felt happiness in who I had become. Now I feel happiness feeling content. I feel content in knowing that everyday is never the same, that there are always going to be good days and bad days, that there will be days when I feel down for no particular reason and there will be days when I know why, but on those days I am capable of doing my best to change the outcome and if I can't, so be it. Tomorrow is a new day. I remind myself of my drinking days where everyday was the same shyte, like groundhog day. Who needs that?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Kelly,
More than once in early sobriety I wondered, "is this all there is?" Once I got through the nasty early stuff, I rode the proverbial pink cloud for awhile. After shooting myself in the foot for decades, ceasing to re-load was cause for celebration. But there is only so long I could ride that cloud before it lost its luster. There is more to sobriety than just stopping drinking and the end of all the negative consequences that followed. I found that by expanding my world and my activities I began to create my reality and future as opposed to going through each day like somehow this was a dress rehearsal to my real life. I find real satisfaction in choosing. I choose to take a night class, I choose to do home improvement stuff, I choose to stay at home on a friday night and watch movies with my girlfriend. This is my life, and these are the things that I want in it. It's very different than how I lived while drinking, where none of those things could have happened. They couldn't happen because I had no choice - I was too drunk to consider other options and too consumed in the drink/drunk/hungover/drink cycle for there to be space for anything else in my life.
And even at the end of the sh***y days, when I turn out the light I am thankful that I am sober, regardless whatever else might have occurred. Because tomorrow is another day - of my choosing.
More than once in early sobriety I wondered, "is this all there is?" Once I got through the nasty early stuff, I rode the proverbial pink cloud for awhile. After shooting myself in the foot for decades, ceasing to re-load was cause for celebration. But there is only so long I could ride that cloud before it lost its luster. There is more to sobriety than just stopping drinking and the end of all the negative consequences that followed. I found that by expanding my world and my activities I began to create my reality and future as opposed to going through each day like somehow this was a dress rehearsal to my real life. I find real satisfaction in choosing. I choose to take a night class, I choose to do home improvement stuff, I choose to stay at home on a friday night and watch movies with my girlfriend. This is my life, and these are the things that I want in it. It's very different than how I lived while drinking, where none of those things could have happened. They couldn't happen because I had no choice - I was too drunk to consider other options and too consumed in the drink/drunk/hungover/drink cycle for there to be space for anything else in my life.
And even at the end of the sh***y days, when I turn out the light I am thankful that I am sober, regardless whatever else might have occurred. Because tomorrow is another day - of my choosing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
think how happy you would be detoxing again kelly????
how happy your family would be.
on a scale of 1 to 10 withdrawl is a minus 10 .
why dont you start exercising ?
i find that works soooo well for me /you turn the negative emotions into very positive ones and feel like a million bucks.
give it a try and if it dosnt work you can always go back to feeling blah.
all the best my friend
how happy your family would be.
on a scale of 1 to 10 withdrawl is a minus 10 .
why dont you start exercising ?
i find that works soooo well for me /you turn the negative emotions into very positive ones and feel like a million bucks.
give it a try and if it dosnt work you can always go back to feeling blah.
all the best my friend
Good one! So true!12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by KellyEurope 
The thing is, for me, that since I've been sober since April 19...I've never felt very happy....never more than a 6 out of 10, on a good day.
Am I missing something?
I fear that if I can't get my days to be at least a 7, and on a consistent basis, I'll jump back into a whisky bottle.
Am I missing something?
I fear that if I can't get my days to be at least a 7, and on a consistent basis, I'll jump back into a whisky bottle.
You're right where you're supposed to be AND, yeah, you're probably missing something.
1. That continual un-easy feeling not going away.......that's what spurred me on to digging in a whoooooole lot deeper into the recovery process. Not drinking was kinda cool but I too felt there darn well better be more out there cuz this isn't enough.
2. That first year, it's common to have a lot of ups and downs.....the key is to be cognizant that they'll come and to be aware of them when you're in them......try not to take yourself or your feelings TOO seriously.
3. This whole "living a new life in sobriety," deal is, thankfully, a big puzzle that you'll never get completely done. You'll always be missing something. There will always be new things to discover. There will always be new things to do and experience that will re-fill your "happiness tanks." The kicker is, of course, actually getting out there and doing the exploring. A lot of the times this growth is tough to come by because it involves having to set aside some long-standing and closely held beliefs, tools of living, mannerisms, and techniques.
Sometimes, it seems I'd rather sit in some misery than make the effort to find happiness........and that's part of my OLD way of living that I want to be rid of. Maybe you're hitting a plateau where what you HAVE been doing can't take you any further and you're going to start doing some new thing(s) to continue to grow, heal and feel better. Sobriety is a dynamic thing.....resting on one's laurels usually results in falling back (as you suggested) into those (bad) old habits.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Kelly. I haven't read all the posts above, but I think you need to make a list of what is good for you right now--and make sure some of those posts are not about sobriety. I'm not thrilled right now. Here's what's good this morning.
I have some time to myself.
My dog loves me.
Nothing hurts.
My daughters are out there somewhere doing well.
I'm speaking to all of my sisters.
My husband loves me.
I am looking forward to my Cheerios.
That's it. Nothing else today. But heck, it's better than a lot of people, right?
And I know that you have things to be happy about. You were so strong in rehab. You did great and kept cracking jokes at me while I first attempted sobriety. I loved that.
You made me happy. Put that on your list.
I have some time to myself.
My dog loves me.
Nothing hurts.
My daughters are out there somewhere doing well.
I'm speaking to all of my sisters.
My husband loves me.
I am looking forward to my Cheerios.
That's it. Nothing else today. But heck, it's better than a lot of people, right?
And I know that you have things to be happy about. You were so strong in rehab. You did great and kept cracking jokes at me while I first attempted sobriety. I loved that.
You made me happy. Put that on your list.
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