How to say no thanks?
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: BC
Posts: 35
I totally understand this guys problem! I work for a liquor company and it's really hard to tell them you don't drink their products so I have to use excuses.
I'm using the "I'm on a clense/detox" "trying a new health kick" "going for a run/____fill in blank when I get home so can't" If you're fit say you're training for something (you might need to follow through!) Say you've been having stomach problems when you drink - no one questions that one!
I'm using the "I'm on a clense/detox" "trying a new health kick" "going for a run/____fill in blank when I get home so can't" If you're fit say you're training for something (you might need to follow through!) Say you've been having stomach problems when you drink - no one questions that one!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
This used to be a big deal for me too - I used to worry about what I'd say and how people would react. I used to think I owed people and explanation, almost an apology, for why I wasn't drinking.
The simple truth is most people don't care - for most, it's a non issue - and a simple 'no thanks I don't drink' is enough
D
The simple truth is most people don't care - for most, it's a non issue - and a simple 'no thanks I don't drink' is enough
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 83
Probably not, especially if you tell them it's due to medication or something. But I have also noticed that people are usually too stuck in their own dramas to really notice much about anyone else's. Even if there is some gossip it will subside once the "next big thing" comes around. That's my two cents anyway.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm not picking on you PH cos I used to think this way too...
but there's something wrong with us alcoholics - be seen falling down drunk, being sick, being obnoxious and embarrassing - no problem....
but have people even *think* we might be in recovery...and then we get ashamed?
You obviously feel you owe people an explanation - why do you think that is?
I know for me I used to have very little self esteem, I used to get my validation from others. Being in recovery has helped me change all that, and I'm glad for it
Moving out of the heavy drinking circles I was in helped me too...
D
but there's something wrong with us alcoholics - be seen falling down drunk, being sick, being obnoxious and embarrassing - no problem....
but have people even *think* we might be in recovery...and then we get ashamed?
You obviously feel you owe people an explanation - why do you think that is?
I know for me I used to have very little self esteem, I used to get my validation from others. Being in recovery has helped me change all that, and I'm glad for it
Moving out of the heavy drinking circles I was in helped me too...
D
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: BC
Posts: 35
If you fall down drunk, sick, and are obnoxious you just fit in better (j/k) It's the stigma I think.
If you say "none for me"
Response "how come?"
me " ?? "
I know they can't fire you for a drinking problem, but I honestly think they would do their best to get rid of me, as a "problem" I think an excuse is easier to start with, even though I don't really believe in lying. Stomach problems would be the one I go with, eventually can say been feeling really healthy since stopped and that's why don't do it anymore. Hard to just admit you just can't handle it.
If you say "none for me"
Response "how come?"
me " ?? "
I know they can't fire you for a drinking problem, but I honestly think they would do their best to get rid of me, as a "problem" I think an excuse is easier to start with, even though I don't really believe in lying. Stomach problems would be the one I go with, eventually can say been feeling really healthy since stopped and that's why don't do it anymore. Hard to just admit you just can't handle it.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: BC
Posts: 35
I hope no one asks when I started taking those! ohhh the web of lies I could weave And it's always fun to be that mysterious person at work!
Thanks guys - honestly it helped. Who cares what coworkers think (I'm pretty new here so honestly don't care yet!) Thinking about the scene before it arises was a great idea. Ready for the next wine tasting!
And it's always fun to be that mysterious person at work!Thanks guys - honestly it helped. Who cares what coworkers think (I'm pretty new here so honestly don't care yet!) Thinking about the scene before it arises was a great idea. Ready for the next wine tasting!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Maybe I'm a little more cantankerous than you PH lol
Just yesterday an old friend rang me...we were meeting up with another friend in a few weeks...already he was asking me what I wanted to drink that night....I told him straight...I don't drink anymore....end of subject
If you feel more comfortable with a cover story then go with that...
'for my health' is a good all round generic excuse that noone can argue with.
D
Just yesterday an old friend rang me...we were meeting up with another friend in a few weeks...already he was asking me what I wanted to drink that night....I told him straight...I don't drink anymore....end of subject
If you feel more comfortable with a cover story then go with that...
'for my health' is a good all round generic excuse that noone can argue with.
D
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by PREGHOPEFUL 
What if you've always participated? Just say no I don't drink anymore? Won't that start rumors?
Then it occurred to me: it didn't bother me that people might say I was an alcoholic after a night of embarrassing debauchery, so why should it bother me if they said it after a night of abstinence? I realized that the whole idea was just my addictive voice, giving me reasons why it was ok to keep drinking.
So I did exactly what I feared: I just started saying "I don't drink". Not "I don't drink anymore", or "I'm allergic", or "I'm on medication" or anything else. I decided I didn't owe anyone an explanation. And guess what. It was pretty shocking to realize that not only did most people not give a damn whether or not I drank, but very few of them actually drank the way I did!
OTT
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by GetItTogether
So I've just started a new job where there is a very big drinking culture. For example staff meetings are held each Friday afternoon and staff are encouraged to drink up company supplied booze. There are also lots of work functions and so on where lots of drinking is done.
What are some great ways to say no thank you without drawing attention to the fact that I have a drinking problem?
What are some great ways to say no thank you without drawing attention to the fact that I have a drinking problem?
I was also concerned about that, but I found that nobody minds if you drink or not. Maybe we alcoholics tend to overstate our importance: nobody minds. As onlythetruth said "most people not give a damn whether or not I drank".
Therefor, usually it is enough to say: "no thanks". I use to grab a glass with coke or tonic, and nobody knows what I am drinking. You have to say NO, THANKS, in a resolute way, without expressing any doubt. Try it: "NO, THANKS". Not joking, it is very useful to "train" yourself in saying it loudly in front of the mirror, for example: NO THANKS, or I DONT DRINK or I DONT WANT TO DRINK... Resolutely!!!
Nobody will ask you for an explanation. You dont have to offer an apologize or excuse. It is just that YOU DONT WANT TO DRINK, PERIOD.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
For what it's worth, I admired the people that didn't drink with us at the work functions, office, etc. Secretly wished I could be like them. And I never asked why they weren't drinking--I just figured they had other priorities---like...being focused on their career! I (we) headed to happy hour, drank enough to be WORTHLESS when I got home, and went to bed (passed out) only to awake groggy the next morning. I pictured the non-drinker going for a run, planning out the next days work strategies, taking a long bath, and calling it an early night. Seriously. Uh oh! That's me NOW! ;-)
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
I don't feel like I owe any one any explanations. Business, family or social settings. And I go to plenty of them. I don't even bother with the "Thanks, I don't drink" anymore. If I go to a party or someone's house and they ask if I want a drink, I firmly say: "Sure, do you have anything non-alcoholic, thanks."
Never been challenged or asked for an explanation.
Never been challenged or asked for an explanation.
Eyes Open, No Fear
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 287
Originally Posted by Suresh
"Sorry Sirs, I dont drink." why? "its personal Sirs. I dont mind following to the pub but i will just have a carbonated drink"
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
I was the biggest drinker everywhere I went for the last 27 years I was drinking and I still hang out with many of those people.
I have gone to drinking functions at least 3 times a month for the last year with many of these people and only five people ever asked why I stopped. I told them I got tired of being hung over and I was trying to be healthier. All five said, "I wish I could do that, how did you do it". The only people who care are normally people who might have a problem themselves. No one else cares or even notices.
My wife has never drank, and for the last 21 years we have been together no one even asks her twice. Do you care or notice if someone else isn't drinking? I didn't unless I was the only one with them and I wanted to drink. Then I would drink anyways.
I have gone to drinking functions at least 3 times a month for the last year with many of these people and only five people ever asked why I stopped. I told them I got tired of being hung over and I was trying to be healthier. All five said, "I wish I could do that, how did you do it". The only people who care are normally people who might have a problem themselves. No one else cares or even notices.
My wife has never drank, and for the last 21 years we have been together no one even asks her twice. Do you care or notice if someone else isn't drinking? I didn't unless I was the only one with them and I wanted to drink. Then I would drink anyways.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Originally Posted by BodhiTree
If it's someone closer to me, but not so close that I want to get into the whole addiction/abuse thing, I usually say something like: "The older I got the worse I felt when I drank, so I decided to quit to see how I felt. I feel so much better now and I don't miss it." It's interesting that what I hear from a lot of people after I say that is "Yeah, I've been thinking I should cut back..."
That's similar to what I tell people who knew me as a drinker before:
I drank for many years and decided to stop to see what life was like on the other side.
Otherwise just have a non-alcoholic drink and odds are nobody will even notice/care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 42
Great advice here thanks everyone. My main concern has been that I'll be working soon with people that I know well and have had many boozy nights with. They will expect me to go out for celebratory drinks but I'm going to go with "Sorry I can't. I'm on medication and can't drink alcohol." Which won't be lying as I'm now taking medication for my stomach ulceration.
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