Being recognized at an AA meeting
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
Once again i have to wonder, why is it when a practicing alcoholic is drinking, there is no issue. But when an alcoholic quits drinking and goes into recovery, all of a sudden there is stigma attached?
I don't get it. Then again, i wear an AA pendant around my neck. I am not ashamed to be a recovered alcoholic.
I don't get it. Then again, i wear an AA pendant around my neck. I am not ashamed to be a recovered alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
Originally Posted by GettingStronger2 
Once again i have to wonder, why is it when a practicing alcoholic is drinking, there is no issue. But when an alcoholic quits drinking and goes into recovery, all of a sudden there is stigma attached?
I don't get it. Then again, i wear an AA pendant around my neck. I am not ashamed to be a recovered alcoholic.
I don't get it. Then again, i wear an AA pendant around my neck. I am not ashamed to be a recovered alcoholic.
It doesn't make sense but it still exists and it's understandable that people take it into consideration.
I wouldn't want my co-workers or bosses to know - I know for a fact it would cause problems in my career.
I wish I could say I'm not ashamed but I am. I'm only 37 days sober so maybe that will change when the shame of all my mistakes gets further behind me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 181
Originally Posted by miamifella
I recently attended a meeting for the first time in awhile and saw someone I knew through work. We ended up talking since there were only four people at this meeting. But I made me uncomfortable and I probably will not go back.
I did not really know what was the way to deal with this.
I did not really know what was the way to deal with this.
In this short time, I'd rather be 'outed' as going to AA meetings than continue as I was and continue to have my life and relationships spiraling away . . . the 'reward' or sobriety far out weigh the 'risks' of being seen.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I have experience with this. All sorts of issues....
Ultimately I came to the conclusion that I needed to be where I was comfortable and could recover in an environment where I felt secure. There is a meeting I don't attend... Not so much because I am worried about anonymity, I am, but I found worrying about it excessively was counter productive... On the other hand, if I am too uncomfortable in a particular meeting, then I cannot share my experience in a meaningful way...
Do what you need to, today... Maybe your feelings, fears, whatever, will change, grow, or not.
Ultimately I came to the conclusion that I needed to be where I was comfortable and could recover in an environment where I felt secure. There is a meeting I don't attend... Not so much because I am worried about anonymity, I am, but I found worrying about it excessively was counter productive... On the other hand, if I am too uncomfortable in a particular meeting, then I cannot share my experience in a meaningful way...
Do what you need to, today... Maybe your feelings, fears, whatever, will change, grow, or not.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Martinsville, Ohio
Posts: 79
Yes I have and it was quite shocking but I am retired from teaching. I have found several of my students in these rooms and it made us both feel good we have something in common just like we did in the classroom. I would try not to worry about it but I am not in your shoes. I am not sure how I would have handled it but if I felt then like I do now I am not ashamed of anything. I accept who I am and I am doing something about it, something good. You are too. I sure hope it works out for you. Please don't let it make you drink and keep being an even better teacher by working the program. Those little recognitions are worthy and part of God's plan.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
A lot of people in meetings where I live seem to have known each other for years before coming into the program. I wonder if that is why admitting any ongoing struggle is so taboo here. (People in this forum says that it is not that way everywhere.)
Seeing someone who knows me from outside I could understand why it is impossible to admit fear, doubt, or cravings. I would not want anyone I encounter in ordinary life to know that. I do not think I really understood how important anonymity was until then. I was not anonymous to him or he to me. So I do not think that meeting could have been of much use to either of us.
Seeing someone who knows me from outside I could understand why it is impossible to admit fear, doubt, or cravings. I would not want anyone I encounter in ordinary life to know that. I do not think I really understood how important anonymity was until then. I was not anonymous to him or he to me. So I do not think that meeting could have been of much use to either of us.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
I so wish people didn't have to feel bad/threatened/embarrassed by being seen at meetings. I am so very thankful for my sobriety & only have admiration for those that do whatever it takes to be sober.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I've run into all sorts of ppl in AA... past clients, current clients (I'm a financial planner / stock broker / investment adviser / retirement planner), lawyers, prosecutors, cops, housewives, neighbors, and so on. I've yet to have a bad experience from one of these encounters. I'm sure there are folks who have had bad experiences but that's not been my experience.
If nothing else, it's put me into a uniquely wonderful spot of being specifically able to lend a hand to someone. I remember when I was new....it sure would have been nice to see a familiar face that was willing to help me out. I'd tell ya to go to that meeting MORE often, seek that kid out, and see if you can lend a hand with what they're working on.
The whole program centers around, among other things, selfless work for others. You're in a great position to do exactly that.
If nothing else, it's put me into a uniquely wonderful spot of being specifically able to lend a hand to someone. I remember when I was new....it sure would have been nice to see a familiar face that was willing to help me out. I'd tell ya to go to that meeting MORE often, seek that kid out, and see if you can lend a hand with what they're working on.
The whole program centers around, among other things, selfless work for others. You're in a great position to do exactly that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
One of the first meetings I went to, I happened to sit next to a dr. who I had worked with frequently (I was an RN). Nothing every came of it. I looked at the man I thought I knew...a compassionate, extremely capable dr., and he had what I wanted.
I understand the dilemma with teachers but it also happens with nurses. Apparently, I had a good home group and outing people was simply not done.
BTW, I did suffer major consequences in my career...I no longer have a nursing license. However it was due to my actions, not what anyone said about me. My sponsor was a nurse. Unfortunately, I didn't listen to what she said and I relapsed. That was over 4 years ago, and I've learned to let go of the shame/remorse/etc. by working my recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I understand the dilemma with teachers but it also happens with nurses. Apparently, I had a good home group and outing people was simply not done.
BTW, I did suffer major consequences in my career...I no longer have a nursing license. However it was due to my actions, not what anyone said about me. My sponsor was a nurse. Unfortunately, I didn't listen to what she said and I relapsed. That was over 4 years ago, and I've learned to let go of the shame/remorse/etc. by working my recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
But if you see a lot of people who you know professionally, do you feel that you could talk about fear of relapse or actual relapse?
Where I live NO ONE talks about those things anyway, but I hear that in other areas people are more open. But can you be with professional associates?
Where I live NO ONE talks about those things anyway, but I hear that in other areas people are more open. But can you be with professional associates?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
It was said earlier, that if someone else is in an AA meeting they are there for the same reasons you are. That's kinda my bottom line. 99% of my fear disappears when I remind myself of that.
I would be like me saying "guess who I saw at the casino last sunday?", to my fellow church-goers. The very act of saying this means I've also been at the casino instead of at church.
I would be like me saying "guess who I saw at the casino last sunday?", to my fellow church-goers. The very act of saying this means I've also been at the casino instead of at church.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 18
Thank you all for your help. I think the healthy thing for me is to find meetings out of this area - yet not to far so that it becomes an obstacle. I will be more comfortable and more willing to share. Teachers are held to higher standards. It's just too risky being spotted by community members.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Boston,Ma
Posts: 50
I'm not a teacher and I know you're in a different boat but I can't worry anymore about who knows about my disease. I feared going to my local meeting because I showed up drunk 2 yrs ago. When I came back I started going to meetings in surrounding towns. I saw the same people who go to multiple meetings and they were totally accepting. I now find it better to assume everyone knows and I don't care. I can't control what other people say, all I can control is what I do. I know I'm dealing with my issue and anyone who has a problem with me treating my disease has their own issues they should worry about.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
My higher power has a sense of humor. If I went further away I would (me) end up running into that same person. It's a self-centered word. I'm not that important. Glad I'm not Silas...I'd hate to be the #1 news story...he's online...aa speaker...take a listen...desertinthesand aa speakers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Do whatever you need to do to stay sober. If that means going to a meeting 30 minutes away, do it.
I am grateful for every day above ground and AA helped me stay there so I take the second A part of AA seriously, but I know others don't always do so.
I am grateful for every day above ground and AA helped me stay there so I take the second A part of AA seriously, but I know others don't always do so.
Grateful AA member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
I can relate to this thread because its the same reason I dont go to meetings. I went to one and saw someone from the place I worked. I am in the fitness industry so I am supposed to represent health and fitness. Ive also teached English as Second Language and volunteered. I live in a small beach town like two miles long and maybe two miles in width. All the surrounding beach towns are the same so no matter what meeting I went to I could run into people I know and it could screw up my career especially being in a very cut throat industry and I am not so cut throat so I can totally see where you are coming from as a teacher. I know meetings are supposed to be anonymous but you never know who you can run into and if they are keeping it a secret.
Ps. DUI is bad and no one should drive drunk and people still do that doesnt indicate an alcohool problem it happens and wish it didnt. My best friend was killed by a drunk driver but you cant judge that person call them an alcoholic when you dont know if they are or not. I dont condone driving drunk at all but even in early twenties when people are out at a bar which is pretty normal people drive drunk doesnt mean they are all alcoholics.
Ps. DUI is bad and no one should drive drunk and people still do that doesnt indicate an alcohool problem it happens and wish it didnt. My best friend was killed by a drunk driver but you cant judge that person call them an alcoholic when you dont know if they are or not. I dont condone driving drunk at all but even in early twenties when people are out at a bar which is pretty normal people drive drunk doesnt mean they are all alcoholics.
Grateful AA member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
I used to go to ALANON and this one lady in the gym I know from there has come up to me discussing it and its embarrassing!!! Now I avoid her but I totally get where you are coming from.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by TiredofLying
It's just too risky being spotted by community members.
At one of my meetings, there is a grade school teacher... a delightful young woman with an awesome message and six years of sobriety. She teaches in the same smallish town as this meeting. She openly and generously shares her experience, strength and hope.
At a meeting last fall, I was the lead share, celebrating two years ... a woman with whom I had a professional relationship with for nearly twenty years showed up for her first meeting, with her daughter, who I knew since she was a baby... I knew she was struggling with alcohol, but I wasn't prepared to share my story with her, in that way, at her very first meeting.
God does that sort of stuff.
I don't know if my message helped her that night. She hasn't been back and I think she went to treatment, again. But telling it helped me, and maybe someone else.
Grateful AA member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
[QUOTE=Mark75;3058034]As I mentioned before, I have experience with your question. I too live in a small town, with other small towns nearby. I see people from time to time in meetings who know me. I've gotten over it, to some extent, as I mentioned, there is a meeting I don't attend.....
At one of my meetings, there is a grade school teacher... a delightful young woman with an awesome message and six years of sobriety. She teaches in the same smallish town as this meeting. She openly and generously shares her experience, strength and hope.
At a meeting last fall, I was the lead share, celebrating two years ... a woman with whom I had a professional relationship with for nearly twenty years showed up for her first meeting, with her daughter, who I knew since she was a baby... I knew she was struggling with alcohol, but I wasn't prepared to share my story with her, in that way, at her very first meeting.
Marky, I have no idea how to quote a section but you seem like a great honest guy and many of us who have turned to alcohol are. The womans meetings I went to, I have been twice a year a apart and the women who remembered me welcomed me with open arms. They were all nice I liked the womens AA meeting better than ALANON but some people are not honest and are out to hurt others. Maybe I should start my own thread I am just not very trusting of people bc people have betrayed me.But you changed someones life that is awesome.
At one of my meetings, there is a grade school teacher... a delightful young woman with an awesome message and six years of sobriety. She teaches in the same smallish town as this meeting. She openly and generously shares her experience, strength and hope.
At a meeting last fall, I was the lead share, celebrating two years ... a woman with whom I had a professional relationship with for nearly twenty years showed up for her first meeting, with her daughter, who I knew since she was a baby... I knew she was struggling with alcohol, but I wasn't prepared to share my story with her, in that way, at her very first meeting.
Marky, I have no idea how to quote a section but you seem like a great honest guy and many of us who have turned to alcohol are. The womans meetings I went to, I have been twice a year a apart and the women who remembered me welcomed me with open arms. They were all nice I liked the womens AA meeting better than ALANON but some people are not honest and are out to hurt others. Maybe I should start my own thread I am just not very trusting of people bc people have betrayed me.But you changed someones life that is awesome.
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