cleareyes

I just can't seem to get past Day 1. My heart and body want to quit but my mind keeps leading me to the liquor store. WHY is it so hard? Honestly I'm a little scared too. I guess that's why my brain tends to win the battle. I'm the queen of excuses. I hate that I give in and then try to hide it..when we all know we are only hiding it from ourselves. I hate the lying and sneaking and well just everything.

I have gained a ton of weight and feel disgusted with my body as well. I want to be sober and happy. I want to be a much better wife and mother.

Don't know the point of this post other than I'm just so frustrated.

Thanks to you all for being here and sharing your stories.

Symmetry

I know that feeling. We all do. You are not alone. But please do not beat yourself up. This is part of your process of changing your life. You can always begin again. Today is the first day of your life!

stevie88

You are not alone,im only on day 2 and yesterday i had some mad cravings for beer...I got round them by eating fruit or taking my dog out...Its that time of day where im getting my first craving of the day but i now i gotta stay strong...We can do this....

JobiWanKenobi

We are not saints Cleareyes. Just try to focus on today and ask God as you understand him/her for guidance.

Zencat

Wile striving for a alcohol free life its important to try new healthy approaches to ones recovery plan. The only failure is to quit tying...so keep at recovery, have hope, you'll get where you want to be.

ceneri

(((Clear))) - glad you keep posting. Have you talked to your doc?

MycoolFitz

Sometimes the mind is a terrible thing to listen to. Slap it around a bit and tell it to get with the program. Fresh days are for fresh starts and then keep moving forward, whatever it takes.

DisplacedGRITS

I'm on day 5 and my brain is still fuzzy and my tremors haven't stopped. BUT, I slept last night and for the first time in forever had an amazing dream. Day 1 is the worst. I want to hop in the car and grab a bottle of vodka so bad, but i'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow will be better and the day after that and the day after that and soon, my worst day sober will be better than my best day drinking because I will be living with no regrets. If I can make it, so can you. We do not embark on this journey alone.

When I had temptation last night, I came here and it took my mind off it and gabe me hope. When you see that liquor store remember that we're here and when you get home, log on and share your victory with us. We want to share it with you and you will give someone like me more hope.

You deserve more than alcohol can ever give you. A life.

holdfold

Engage your mind, distract it, move away from the 'drinking ritual' .... we all know what a great feeling it was when we wake up on day 2 ... despite withdrawl ... the morning of day 2 is the first victory ....

Hardtofind

Have you tried any outside help with this? Sometimes treatment, or AA, or a close friend can be a support. I started going to meetings because as supportive as my hubby is, he's not an addict. Praying for you!

Hooped

You're definately not alone clear eyes.

Against all better judgement I embarked on a 4 day bender Friday and today Im a shaky stinking mess...a shell of a man.

I know what happens once I have that first drink, nothing stands in the way and its the same result every time.

So why do we do it?

Ive been reading that book 'Under the Inluence' people recommended here...and its answering a lot of questions. Alcoholics simply cannot process alcohol the way normal people do and over time it actually changes our very cells so that they scream out for more....they need it.

I was doing AA for quite a while and it was helping and I got some sober time in, which was wonderful...but about a month ago I kinda subconciously set myself up for failure....I slipped and I knew precisely what I was doing too. Cunning disease this is huh?

The important thing I think is to never give up. I'm gonna go back to AA again.
Hang in there and good luck to you.

hector

Please read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's available online. It may lead you to an AA meeting - or it may not. At least you'll know you're not alone.

artsoul

I think we all know that feeling. The sane part of me would say "don't do it" even as I would get my keys out and drive to the liquor store. I didn't think I'd ever get sober. I was scared to think about where it was taking me, but equally as scared to think about a life without it. Each morning I promised to quit. By late afternoon I was getting my keys out again.

Believe me, you aren't any more hopeless than any of us here. You just need to get the alcohol out of your system before you can start to see that you really are the strong and lovable person you want to be. Right now, the addiction is in charge, but it's not who you are.

Keep reading and posting - we're here.......

Dee74

I could never get past a few days either.
Support changed it all for me cleareyes

Think about what you can add to what you've been doing...have you seen a Dr...a counsellor...thought about a recovery group...do you think you need some kind of rehab?

D

Terminally Unique

What have you tried already, cleareyes?

Anna

Cleareyes, you can do this!

Remember that your thoughts don't control you. This knowledge was such a wake-up call to me because I felt like I was a slave to whatever emotion or feeling was running through my mind. They are just thoughts and you can feel them and then let them go.

ajangel

Don't beat yourself up and don't give up trying. Keep working at it. Look at all your options. AA worked for me this time. Don't focus on your weight right now. Make your sobriety top priority and the rest will follow. Hang in there.

Mariano

I know it is hard. I kept relapsing but eventually I got out the vicious circle. Relaxing, prayer and meditation made the difference. Dont beat yourself. Big hugs!

cleareyes

Honestly I've just been trying to quit on my own and this site. I have debated a counselor but of course I'm scared. Not sure I can do AA right now.

I know I am full of excuses and well more excuses. I do so well until the afternoon. Of course I'm at work so ya know I have no access to the booze. Once my brain wins the battle I'm off to the store for wine....just one last time. Except that it's not one last time.

I just feel SO defeated. I feel like I'm never going to be rid of this demon but I HAVE to be rid of it.

ETA

I think getting a therapist would be great - maybe find one who specializes in addictions. I get a lot of support from mine.

I'm not very motivated, I make excuses, I procrastinate, I never stick to anything but the one thing that hit home with me is reading a discussion on this forum about moderation, control, trying to stop etc. - the point so many people made was simply it's easier to quit.

And it's true. It's hard to quit but it's way harder trying to stay in control. I don't have to arrange my schedule around what time the liquor stores close, apologize to my boyfriend for making him help me walk, hide my empties from my family (the list goes on and on).

Perhaps instead of looking at it as some huge horrible task that is impossible - think of all the things that are hard about drinking. I think there most likely is some a law in physics like it always takes less energy to NOT do something than to do something.

You can do this.